How To Be Recognized At A Local Coffee Shop

 

 I went to a local coffee shop that was really amazing and had everything I wanted; passive aggressive employees that were still kind and atmosphere that said we don’t take stupid s**t here. I proceeded to order an egg sandwich without meat. The woman behind the counter asked me if I was a vegan. In my mind I wanted to be kind of witty so I thought I should say, “I eat certain animal byproducts.” So, I put on my most intellectual face and said, “I eat certain animal excrement.” The woman continued doing her job and said in a rushed way, “That’s not what that means.” I had no idea what she was talking about because I had said byproducts and I continued on my way. The next day I went into the same coffee shop and the same woman looks up at me and says, “Oh, it’s that girl.” Her coworkers stared at me and snickered. At that moment I immediately understood what I had said yesterday. And yet,  I wasn’t embarrassed because I almost never get embarrassed, and I embraced my new title as excrement girl with pride.