Damn the Hopeless

The auburn leave cover the ground.

The cold wind blows through the deserted streets as I walk alone.

I sat down in the middle of the abandoned road and buried my face in my memories.

As I closed my tiresome, aching eyes, the past begins to dance behind my lids.

The first thing I see is intertwining branched and the green grass. I see the sun and I imagine its golden warmth.

Then I hear your infectious laugh. I hear myself laughing as well.

I see your smile that can turn the darkest of days, bright.

I see your sky blue eyes that I lose myself in.

Then the branched turn into our hands, fitting together, interlocked like puzzle pieces.

His hand strokes my back as we lay in the grass watching the clouds drift by.

The scene changed to night, the moon was full and the stars were just as breathtaking as they always are.  

I hear the waves crash against the shore, I smell the salty, oceanic breeze fill my lungs.

Then all of a sudden I see only darkness, it’s so loud, a lot of people talking, having pointless conversations about teachers, homework and what some chick said on Facebook.

 I see your gorgeous blue eyes grow dark, the cheery look that would always be on your face had transformed into a somber, melancholy expression as you walk past me.

You turn and look back at me and I feel the knots forming in my stomach. Our smiles were broken and or hearts were heavy.

I could see by the look in your eyes you were holding back the tears just as hard as I was.

I wasn’t strong enough, a tear escaped from my eyes and streamed down my cheek.

My eyes flew open, my face was wet and my hands were shaking.

I could feel the poorly woven stitches coming undone.

The scars were open.

Without thinking I got up and ran.

I ran as fast and as far as I could until I couldn’t breathe.

I fell to the ground and released all the hurt that was held inside me.

 I was desperate for oxygen, I coughed and blood dripped out of my mouth.

I screamed at the top of my lungs until no sound came out, but no one was to hear my sorrow.

I punched the rugged pavement until my hand was numb and bloody.

Every nerve inside me felt as if they had been brutally stabbed.

I could feel myself breaking and slipping away, back into my darkness.

I lie in the street and let everything out.

Then I saw you running toward me, but you were forced to stop.

A wall had been put in between us so that we may never touch again.

We clawed and hit the wall with all we had until our fingers wore away.

We are powerless.

Just two hopeless teenagers trapped in a pathetic, tragic, love story.

Reviews

[Talal Hussain]

Nice potray of expressions...great job :-)

[william keepers]

Nice modern day take on Romeo and Juliet. Don't kill yourself over it though! A few gramatical errors, but I see those have already been meticulously pointed out. I enjoyed it thank you!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

i will never die over a guy

[william keepers]

I would hope not!!!

[Faffy]

correction Two fans. this is just fan-tabulous loved it =)

[Vertigoingnowhere]

awww

[Coyote Poetry]

Hopeless and in love. Best place to be. I look back in time. I wish to be drowning in desire of love and needing the special person near by always. A beautiful story of love. Love lead us to happiness. No weakness in the excellent story.
Coyote

[Writer *78*]

To go on what the other person said as well as my own thoughts you have many fans young one. I think that this is your best work yet. It reminds me of Romeo and Juliet for some reason for I dont know why. Very Impressive writing.

-Writer *78*

[Annie]

Wow. Wow. Wow.
Incredible!! I love the juxtaposition - your language is so poetic, yet the trance is broken with this line, making us really take note:
"Then all of a sudden I see only darkness, it’s so loud, a lot of people talking, having pointless conversations about teachers, homework and what some chick said on Facebook."
Brilliant. Huge fan!!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

whoa did you just say huge fan? omg i have a fan

[Annie]

Haha, you deserve it! :) -Annie

[Vertigoingnowhere]

aww!

[John Patrick Robbins AK..]

Life in genral showed all to clear here my friend .
It connects and takes even me back yeah I was in highschool once till i escaped.
Its a personal hell all its own really strong post cheers and stay crazy Gonzo

[Calibaster]

Just a few problems I noticed, like, did you mean for leaves to be plural in the first line? How can you smell the breeze fill your lungs? I think that you meant, I smell the salty, oceanic breeze that fills my lungs, or something like that. Throughout the whole thing, you refer to the guy as you, but then in one stanza, you randomly switch to 2nd person! His hand strokes my back ... instead, you should put something to the effect of, your hand stroked my back ... also, how could he stroke your back if you're laying on it? Did you see how I changed strokes to stroked? It was all in past tense until that line, that's why I did that. In the fourteenth stanza you should change walk, to walked, and in the same stanza,when you said that it would always be on his face, did you mean, usually on his face? Then right after that, put in in past tense too, You turned and looked back at me and I felt(take out the) knots form in my stomach. On the tenth line from the bottom put, but no one was there to hear my sorrow, then two lines down from that, instead of the word they, use it, nerves aren't people. Six lines up from the bottom, put, I laid in the street and let everything out. Four lines from the bottom, take out in, it would sound better without it. Do you mean you are still powerless, because you changed from past tense there, which infers that you haven't gotten over it. These are all just some suggestions, you don't have to do any of them, because this is a friggin' awesome poem, just sayin'! Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your writing!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

wow thank you for taking the time out of your day to edit my work. at first i thought you hated it till i got to the end. anyway thanks :)

[quinfinn]

this write is stunning in its down to grit honesty and very nicely crafted. i think with a little more creativity and some imagination (which is never lacking in your writes) this could become a beautiful poem or perhaps a ballad. well done!

[Hachamecha]

I love the emotions, and it's a very powerful write :)
Hope things get mended soon

[Vertigoingnowhere]

thanks for the review and thanks for the concern :)