Unchained

I feel like ive been chained up for such a long time

Tied down by my broken heart, never being able to climb

to the tops of trees where i feel at peace

Away from the darkness that never seemed to cease

But, I am Not Afraid Any More

Ive might have finally found an open door

That will lead me out of the dark and let me find a little joy

It doesnt matter if only for a while, i just want to be with you, boy

In the puring rain, singing love songs, and walking on the beach

I just need someone to pick me up, let me reach

Im letting go of all my fears,

i'm done with the tears

I'm done with the sadness,

I'm done with pain

All i want is to be happy with you, kissing in the rain

Holding hands for all to see

Calling eachother darling, having your heart beat inside me

I wouldn't mind if you held me tightly

I wouldnt mind if im always by your side

Just never let me go, and dont make me fall

Dont bring me down, dont make me feel small

 

I Am Not  Afraid Any More

So Boy please dont break me down to my core

Because i am strong, but tragically in need of repair

You should try and fix me , fill my lungs with air

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good poem. I like the flow of thoughts and description leading the reader to a good ending.
"Just never let me go, and dont make me fall
Dont bring me down, dont make me feel small"
I like the closing lines and thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Inda]

Such youth and despair in this piece; lots of ambition and passion too, great write!

[JRB]

very well put, i enjoyed the read and write,,

[Audrey Howitt]

I feel your emotions in the words and they move me. I have to agree with what the other reviews before me have said. However, read some poetry (if you haven't already) that breaks grammatical rules, and see what is up with that--you are off to a great start--and keep writing!

[Sheila Kline]

Your sentiments and the level of emotions you express is admirable, but as another reviewer has noted, it could be so much better if you improve your method of delivery with emphasis on correct grammar, rules of capital/lower case, etc. You are a younger writer, and have many years before you to develop your delivery, and the suggestions I offer can easily be remedied with the use of a spell checker, dictionary, etc. The passion of your message is the defining indicator that you have the capability to delivery a powerful poem!! Keep writing, and you shall surely achieve better results.
Oh my! You should read some of my earlier works..........I shudder to think they were actually posted, but I felt good about them at the time and kept writing!! So, in summary, I again say to you, "KEEP WRITING and feel good about yourself in all you write!!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

thanks!

[Perri]

Puring should be pouring, eachother is two words...also if you capitalise all the I's and add apostrophes for words like I've and wouldn't then it would be more grammatically correct.
I've might have finally found should be I might have finally found...
Also I believe the repeating line I Am Not Afraid Any More would have more impact if only the word Afraid was capitalised...
Just constructive criticisms to improve the professionalism of your work.

[Crystal K]

This poem was very good.

[Writer *78*]

The pain and hardache of losing the person you love but from a womans perspective, in one word Impressive.

-Writer *78*

[The Scholar]

If ever anything could be called a remedy for heartbreak, it is writing.
I love all your poems (especially since you're a junior in HS like me!), and this one as no different.

You let your emotions pour out onto the paper and finished with something truly beautiful and heartbreaking.

My friend, write on!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

aw thanks so much

[The Scholar]

Any day :)

[Vertigoingnowhere]

you really think im that good
'

[The Scholar]

Definitely. All the poets on here seem to underestimate themselves. You are very talented. ESPECIALLY for a high school student. And the more you write, the better you become!

[Vertigoingnowhere]

aw thanks

[Poetic Beauty]

Ah the thing to remember is people aren't perfect. You will know when the person is right for you. I can feel the emotions pouring off this piece and I like the idea of wanting to climb to the tops of the trees to feel peace. That is a great visual and thought.