Gasoline

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  We tried to fix up a home,

a two car garage, white picket fence, with a flower bed.

 

 Surely we could not have known,

our diminutive secrets carried by termites would spread.

An infestation grows within these walls like a dam under pressure.

 

 CONTORTING.......

 

((((Swelling))))

 

From all of our weight, and untimely measure.

 

Rusting pipes from my leaking tears.

 

There are no curtains to hang,

we're made vulnerable by these transparent shears.

The neighbors looking in,

wondering who is to blame.

                                       

Even with more primer and paint,

I cannot make these walls talk.

I cannot make you a Saint.

 

The ceiling is falling in...... 

This plaster is crumbling down.

 

So I will restore this home with gasoline,

and light a match to wipe the walls clean....

Reviews

[VennelaMargame]

Can I go on an allusion tangent again, Muse?

The beginning reminded me a little of the song "No Surprises" by Radiohead. "Such a pretty house / and such a pretty garden....I'll take the quite life / a handshake of carbon monoxide..."

If you've ever heard the song, you know the sort of heady, balloony feel that the diminished sixth and seventh tones give it. Sort of like what happens when you inhale the vapors of gasoline.

P!nk also had a song about wanting to "burn this f****r down," if I recall, because it was full of bad memories. It was called "Funhouse."

I once wrote a short story called "My Name is High Hopes," written from the perspective of the famous Amityville murder house, in which the house explained that it IS cursed, because it's forced to watch its humans screw up their lives and make each other miserable, and then get blamed for it because it is a big, dumb, defenseless object, and cannot speak up for itself.

[Coyote Poetry]

A poem with gasoline as the answer. Mean no chance for peace in this house. I like the powerful description.
"Even with more primer and paint,
I cannot make these walls talk.
I cannot make you a Saint."
I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Jeremy Baker]

Simply excellent - imagery, vocabulary, structure. This has everything - very impressive writing.

[Mark]

Or, to put it another way,
"We tried to camouflage the truth of our broken lives and dead marriage with multiple coats of falsehood and decor, props of Acceptibility. It didn't work. The Sickness which is us no longer fools anyone, us least of all; our very structure has collapsed under the weight of the Disease long creeping within it. Nothing remains but Oblivion..."
As brilliant and shining a metaphor/Allegory as I have ever seen. Brava!

[Moflo]

Oh wow, this has a dark eerie aura beneath it that really brings the whole thing alive. I love the tone and the format is perfectly done. Nicely written!

[Rene Velez]

I don't come across really good writers that much, and I set such a high standard in my own expressions, but this is exceptional, the imagery is to die for, words well placed and a poem well penned...nice work.

[...]

I enjoyed the format that this poem was written, it emphasizes the raw emotion that you're trying to convey. The last stanza is quite powerful. Well done, only thing that I am not fond of is the misuse of ellipses...

[Brad Nugent]

Powerful and passionate - I think most people have been at a point where they would have liked to erase it all and start again. I love the line 'an infestation grows within these walls'. Strong.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A perfectly vivid piece that strikes with imagery and heartened tolerance, well done

[joshua deathdealer]

Wow I love this...burn it down. Excellent work.

[...]

. spectacular poetry ...
. brutal and yet so beautiful ...
. poignant and powerful ...
. i know this feeling ... and i wish i didn't ...