Choke me

For you

I shut my mouth

choking me slowly now

resisting the urge to shout

suppressing each of my words

snuffing out each little breath

a jaded embrace

For you

I close my eyes

my thoughts withheld

just your feeble little lamb

my abilities for you to despise

no prince charming do I see

just an Antichrist

For you

I plug my ears

blocking each and every lie

 mixing truth with fictional fears

wiping the spit from my eye

deaf and arrogant

egotistical a*s

For you

I hide my hands

fist clasped tightly behind my back

fingers pressed upon my pulsating gland

ready for another truce-less attack

choking me slowly now

in peaceful solitude

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

I understand this sort of hell intimately~ you bring its raw edges out from the victim who won't be victimized to the vivid forefront~

I was talking to someone about this sort of non relationship nightmare the other day and she had asked why I was accomodating at my own emotional peril~ I told her I wasn't ~I was appeasing~ I said something like this

when you "accomodate" someone it's because you genuinely care about their emotions and mental well being~ when you "appease" someone it's to shut their whiny f***ing mouth the f*** up already~ =)~

these mental vampires abound~ and you gotta have some extremely strong reserves to survive their merciless canines~

powerful with impact~ perfectly described~

[Kyle]

There is a lot going on in that head of yours isnt there? You have a great ability i have noticed to put intense thoughts into your writing....and that is hard to do.

Great!

Due to my latest review, Succubus, was actually preparing myself for something close to Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (one of my fav authors) due to the title... the core subject value is relative to that of Succubus to the point I think the novella is worth a check out in your free time.
The core theme of this poem seems to be based on the things surrounding an abusive relationship I would think. A relationship in which the man rules over the woman with an iron fist, dominating her like a primal instincts of our animal intellect would intend. It's a very depressing theme I find, but it is an everyday reality for some women, and some women are strong enough to take on all the pain their receiving. The strong will power to remain silence and take the abuse shows more character than of the being that uses tactics of abuse to control a person.
I really enjoyed this poem, it was dam worth a read. Indeed in need of a little praise I must say. The format is also one that is to be pointed out. To use "For you" followed by an action of holding back as a transitional phrase into the next stanza gradually helps paints a picture by connecting the dots to further areas of progression within the poem. You're a talented poet, well worth her words that her read. Your artistic value bleeds from the verses of the dark and bleak reality you write and emphasize. Remarkable work I've read yet.
Although, through all my praise, I must equate that with a constructive remark. one negative value that's possibly to point out for consideration is the stanzas 2 and 3. They add little back story or any plot forward at all, their effectiveness is shadowed by your opening stanza thus making them not needed. over-lengthiness tends to be a common error, one we all tend to make, and hard to pin point when proofreading, thus we overlook it. One way to find it is by taking out things and judging the poem's effectiveness without the things you took out.
But, even with this small, very small, error, I have to say this is a poem of great stature. It speaks of great pain and hardship that is relative to many people's real life troubles, and poems like that are poems that deserve the praise they gain.
90/100 rating I say, job well done my friend.

[...]

. oh, a brilliant piece of writing ! ... you write fire in words with poetic precision ... presented beautifully too ... to be silent is one thing but to be silenced is quite another ... it's inspiring to see the narrator here "ready" ... "for another truce-less attack" ... yet what makes one pause and wonder is the image in "choking me slowly now in peaceful solitude" ... one wonders if the victim wants the attacker to be healed ... just my thoughts after reading this truly well crafted piece of powerful poetry ...

[Eagle Cruagh]

I hope you are writing about another
because I care about you and this
sounds like a terrible condition for
a nice person to undergo.
Gifted writing. A talent well above
the ordinary. Stops us in our tracks
and we question and want more.

---- John

[Antonio Valentino]

the last two lines for me actually add a submissive possibility to the whole mix whether it was intended or not..

I'm sure many can relate with the primary concept of being stifled and suppressed in one way or another, i know i can.. even dominated or controlled..

brilliant write, it actually left me, gasping for more..
:)

[InkSlinger]

Everything I have read of yours, thus far.. has been brilliant! You write with such insight, and emotion.. very poignant, solemn, almost in a deep reverence.. BRAVO, on another FINE piece of work!!

[roarke]

Strong writing. Stands up to the bold black font. Each part a revealing pulse, even the physical structure of the piece resembles a pulse. Contrasting passive with strength of will... nice piece.

[R J Askew]

The title pulled me in. I love verbs in titles and your verb choice is a strong one with all sorts of possible meanings behind it. For anyone who writes there is often frustration over words ... not enough, too many, the wrong words, or people trying to shut us up. That's how I read this one. It is also elegantly executed with the refrain being strong. The 'you' cld be the driving talent, the urge to write, all manner of forces in fact.

[Larry Dyson]

ok...does this submissive person inside do more than wish ..or doesshe find that release in her submission to the DOminant..or is this just analogy to the life she lives and being choked out of duty?