Just an aftertaste....................

You stopped me at the first hello, an

 

older and charming handsome fellow

 

we quickly went from friends to lovers

 

I began to slaver for something more

 

I wanted to extinguish you, tasting

 

your salty skin, igniting a craving within

 

I need more to satisfy this palate, your

 

smell of blood sweet like punch, so I

 

pursue my first innocent lick and bite

 

only to get you stuck between my teeth

 

breaking fingers and splintering bones

 

I try to savor your affection in my mouth, but

 

what was once a confection has turned bitter

 

instead I had to swallow you down whole

 

bloated now from the weight of your soul.

Author's Note

Reviews

[MoriartyMesa]

Well slap my a*s call me Charlie and tell me to see Wonka bars. The start gave me the impression the end would not be as harsh. But I loved it, the entire flow could have been someone's thoughts when lying in bed and having the ever important moment of clarity.

[wordman]

a touching write,days of our lives,or just a movie
falls in love but figures out it wasn`t what she needed

[Adam Adams]

that's captivating!

how friends get turned to lovers. and then from lovers to... something else that belongs to devastated drastic desperation of hearts'. very nicely inked.

[Virtual Entity]

Another terrifying and powerful poem. I see more potential in this one. A powerful idea of what, at first, sounds like falling in love with another, then turns into, perhaps, a love between two lovers whose love is one that society disapproves of, e.g., perhaps two persons of the same sex. Then, all of a sudden...!

However, I feel that this could be turned up a bit. For me, "I slaver for something more" is a bit too much like a cannon-shot to the head. It's too massively blunt, lacking the subtlety and darkly twisting grace of the rest of he piece. I think that this sentence marks the transition from "love affair" to "a matter of appetite", but it needs to be less "loud". A "quiet transition" might be even "louder" than any noisy words could be. Perhaps even "yet I thirst for something more" might make for a smoother, more potent transition.

Of course, I could be entirely wrong about this--I'm hardly an expert in these matters and I have no desire to spoil or rewrite the creations of someone who is so obviously an exemplary artist....

I look forward to your reply...and more of your work!

[ANTO]

And i thought I had it bad - I have a real banana craving but nothing like this lol

It was chilling, thrilling and gut spliing Muse.

[Scott Metro]

A snack?.....LOL
You do reach...carry it all the way.
I'm always impressed at your "no fear"..attack...whatever the subject.
A good read.
I enjoyed it.

Scott

[Muse]

Some might say that I have a sweet tooth.

[Scott Metro]

LOL...how simple...a sweet tooth...I'm amused.

Scott

[Muse]

but I do floss "a lot"

[Lucifer Jones]

Absolutely loved it. Splendor gone wrong with a chuckle... The moment of realization many get in the "afterglow"... when it's not quite so glowing. Very nice. Thank you!

[Angi]

Isn't their a spider that eats the male after mating? Oh yes, the Black Widow spider! That's what I was picturing while reading this. Angi~

[Mic]

Was reminded of the evolution of those thoughts concerning life with one's mate in matrimony...first, those contemplating devouring them alive, soon followed by those wishing to God you had!

Very well done!

[Jenna]

Starts off so sweet and pulls you under then turns sickly and you just want to wash your hands of it. Such an amazing effect.

[quinfinn]

you just made me feel uncomfortable about being an older gentleman. i adore and worship women so i know this wasn't me but hey, this guy sounds like a real pariah...a scourge on the face of manliness. i apologize for this piece of rancid beef. on behalf of all decent men. this write provoked me to anger and shame.....very effective and resonant.