Old

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He watches

through a pane

of dirty glass

like you and I

he's had a future

he's had a past

time for him

is almost spent

calloused hands 

like old cement

delicate fallibility 

impales his skin

ghost like stupor

invested in silence

quiet and guarded

bearded with thoughts

secrets antiqued within

waiting patiently now

for his hour to come

visual modality blurred

hearing obscured

deliberate and unmeasured

this process of decay

frail like lead paint

 

                    slowly peeling,

 

                                    chipping away................

 

 

Reviews

[EMF]

An incredible piece. Compelling. You have created a perfect character study in just a few lines. The depth of insight, coupled with a love of your subject matter generate a power and intensity, while you also imbed a tendrness and understanding that is incomparible. Class work Lady. Nice to get the time to read and reread. You have left me images that will be a long time peeling.

[icelandicblue]

Oh Muse this is just exquisite. You've captured something here, the essence of being perhaps. I agree with another poster that this is a publish worthy piece. It is truly breathtakingly beautiful.

[Muse]

thank you..I see elderly every day where I work..I often wonder about their untold stories.

[icelandicblue]

I especially appreciate the reverence in this piece. That is something that we seem to have lost in our youth-centered culture.

[Muse]

yeah I had an arguement with another writer about this..young writer..he said the old are senile..and have forgotten most everything...why should we respect them...oh my...the fight was on..I think they blocked me. lol

[Whiskurz]

An excellent metaphor for the aging that we all face....gracefully done my friend.....Whisk

[Muse]

thx my friend

[Anna]

This is an amazing piece! I really loved the concept, and the way you portrayed it. A publish worthy piece!

[Muse]

Thank you Anna...I tried to turn the fear of aging...into a beautiful enigma of life.

[Sarahthirk]

Very creative. I love "he's had a future, he's had a past." Those spoke to me. I think it pretty much sums of the feelings of a lonely elderly person.

[Muse]

thanks for visiting Sarah

[Nautili]

Elderly people are fascinating-lifetimes of stories written in the lines on their faces. When my father, who will be 90 this Sat., tells stories from his youth he is transformed back to those times, and I see a very different side of him. He is mysterious to me because I have only known him as my dad.....such wonders in everyone.

[Anonymous Girl]

Oh My God!! It so emotional!!

[luviva]

wowowoow.... the way you portrayed the message is just sooo great, "slow;y peeling chipping away....." those two lines carried the whole message.

[David Scott]

I really felt the poetry when you gave me the image of chipping dry flakes of paint. Touching write. I see you have a tenderness here.

[Mic]

Beautiful piece. Somehow summons a sense of calming. Perhaps it's his seeming surrender to the inevitable. Not sure.

'he's had a future
he's had a past
time for him
is almost spent' ...

Simple, and my favorite passage. You've surprised me here Muse', writing as one who knows rather than sees. Exquisitely done, and I applaud you.

[Joel Junior]

you won my contest a year ago ahaha

[Muse]

lol...how time flies!