Ours

 

 

                                    Staying submerged felt

                           endless...

                                    boundless...

 

but one can only hold their breath for so long

               before our lungs require us to resurface

                             I was trying to remember when

             .....................

 

              "when" our imperfections

      became their beauty mark

                                 and the mercury in their blood           

                                   became our electrolyte

 

       they said that we can be like airplanes

                              and fly high above the freak show

         but little did any of us know

                               

                  the red tide had grown too high                      

                            swallowing up our dignity and pride                             

          forcing us instead

                             to travel by land

                sadly...

                 we failed to rescue one of our own

                 our yellow submarine

             

                              could not save the canary

                  perhaps...

 

              the drowning was necessary.

 

Author's Note

There has been a lot of fighting recently on the cafe. Writers in this place seem to be so deep in water..they are oblivious to how they treat one another...oblivious to how certain actions and words can pull another writer down, hence "the canary" representing the few writers that are trying to fly high above the chaos, and remain "creatively free"...but harsh words and criticism are weighing these writers down. "The drowning was necessary" a metaphor to represent the writers who try and stay afloat "by elimating the competion"

Reviews

[Star]

the waters can me such a beautiful place but yet can be a place of horror....I love this. I did not realize people did not get along on here and fighting. ugh... I sure hope I don t encounter that, because I am here purely for the craft of writing, to get improve myself and be of help to others...honestly.. and I don't want to have all the drama...ugh.. you are a wonderful poet Muse and thanks for interacting with me.

[Wolfwind]

A wonderful flow of ink. It speaks to me of a flow of fate, one of perhaps a multitude of possibilities.
In these words I see the subtle awakening from a delusion or vieled reality. Then it flows into a sense of retrospect, where vanity and ego seemed to take over whatever had stood before. Then it takes us into the realm of the illusionist and blind road, where in life people listen to the pied piper and follow. Reality far below when the real diamonds of heart begin to shine. The facet that had been glowing was a ruse and has allowed the blinded to let a fellow traveler fall.

That's what I see in the piece. You're words are striking and I can relate to many aspects of them as I look upon society, both near and far abroad.

Great Ink!
Aaron

[Muse]

A stunning review..thank you.

[Master K-tops]

This is very brilliant! So great and lovely. But I'm so new here and I haven't got any negative reviews here. I want to see the source of your deeply infectious emotion. Which writing do you know of that got extremely harsh reviews? As I said,I'm new here and I want to knpw more abput people here.

[...]

Perfection becomes stagnant in the lie of its perfection. Always meant to be strieved for and never achieved. Why 'eliminate' compotition? What for heaven sake would a lonely ego do then with no one to envy it, feed it, tell it it's great, other than become aware of itself after it's to late, and there's no one left to applaud! I find you uniquely yourself, which is why I come to read and enjoy you and others. I embrace the talent of others and hope that it inspires talent in me. That is why I come to the cafe, to share and marvel, and be inspired. Always a pleasure to read you, my dear poetess! :)

[Muse]

thanks Lynn...like I said before...it was weeks after writing this that this epiphany come over me that finally explained my metaphors behind this poem. I didn't know what I was writing..it made no sense...but now..it is so very clear to me it was about the family of writers I have come to know so well.

[Pól]

I've read this over + over, and every time I see it differently. Amazing

[Pól]

yeah it describes that place so well

[BlueDreams]

Very creative piece of writing!! Could feel what is described !! :)

[Enigma]

Vivid and thought-provoking. And very well crafted.

[captain]

a very strong emotions rush like the ocean wave, perhaps "the drowning was necessary." That line is a powerful message that hit me, like i was drowning myself in your words. Brilliant!

[MoriartyMesa]

Flick the lighter, strike the smoke and let the air inhale, this was smooth................

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

This is cool. Thanks for sharing TCL :)

[s y e]

Wow, loved the format of this write, it was very well written and relate-able to many. You can read it over and over again and come out with a different message each time, I loved it.

[JR Darewood]

still wrapping my mind around this one.
"'when' our imperfections
became their beauty mark
and the mercury in their blood
became our electrolyte"
seems to be the crux of things.