Ours

 

 

                                    Staying submerged felt

                           endless...

                                    boundless...

 

but one can only hold their breath for so long

               before our lungs require us to resurface

                             I was trying to remember when

             .....................

 

              "when" our imperfections

      became their beauty mark

                                 and the mercury in their blood           

                                   became our electrolyte

 

       they said that we can be like airplanes

                              and fly high above the freak show

         but little did any of us know

                               

                  the red tide had grown too high                      

                            swallowing up our dignity and pride                             

          forcing us instead

                             to travel by land

                sadly...

                 we failed to rescue one of our own

                 our yellow submarine

             

                              could not save the canary

                  perhaps...

 

              the drowning was necessary.

 

Author's Note

There has been a lot of fighting recently on the cafe. Writers in this place seem to be so deep in water..they are oblivious to how they treat one another...oblivious to how certain actions and words can pull another writer down, hence "the canary" representing the few writers that are trying to fly high above the chaos, and remain "creatively free"...but harsh words and criticism are weighing these writers down. "The drowning was necessary" a metaphor to represent the writers who try and stay afloat "by elimating the competion"

Reviews

[Star]

the waters can me such a beautiful place but yet can be a place of horror....I love this. I did not realize people did not get along on here and fighting. ugh... I sure hope I don t encounter that, because I am here purely for the craft of writing, to get improve myself and be of help to others...honestly.. and I don't want to have all the drama...ugh.. you are a wonderful poet Muse and thanks for interacting with me.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Dear Muse,
Writers fighting ?
Sorry ! As usual my silph and I tread water
and never know that we are being criticised.
It is so happy being this way. Think I will start
writing again just to give the others some ammo.
----- Eagle Cruagh

[J. Land]

I love this poem. I hate that it came out of petty strife. But it's a structural marvel, a delicate tear for something not so wonderful as it should be.

[Joyce S. Greene]

How very sad a situation. WC now seems like a very welcoming environment to newcomers like me, so hopefully this is no longer an issue. You have created a very strong metaphor to describe the bullying techniques used to destroy others. If some did in fact "drown," their spirits crushed, that was a tragedy, indeed. Great work!

[Blissful Sin]

Im so happy to be back on WC, but I'm most happy on reading the best work of the best writers!!
:'D

-Bliss

[Cynthia R]

Nicely written! I really enjoyed reading this.

[An owl on the moon]

There is a surge of powerful electricity in your words.. the message rippling through the waves... It makes me ache to think of writers here hurting others... I was abused and bullied for years to the point of suicide... I have little patience for haters...

[Bridget Mcmaken]

Nicely written. I like the voice of this poem it's strong. Thanks for sharing

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

Title straight away took me to TAYLOR SWIFT's song "ours" . After reading the poem it felt completely different , LOVED IT :D

[Aethereal]

You seem to have a few goldfishes of your own here. Perfection is impossible to define since the rules are always changing. Each poet follows his own rules. Perfection is just being consistent with your own rules. It's up to the reader to discover the poet's rules of engagement.