Ours

 

 

                                    Staying submerged felt

                           endless...

                                    boundless...

 

but one can only hold their breath for so long

               before our lungs require us to resurface

                             I was trying to remember when

             .....................

 

              "when" our imperfections

      became their beauty mark

                                 and the mercury in their blood           

                                   became our electrolyte

 

       they said that we can be like airplanes

                              and fly high above the freak show

         but little did any of us know

                               

                  the red tide had grown too high                      

                            swallowing up our dignity and pride                             

          forcing us instead

                             to travel by land

                sadly...

                 we failed to rescue one of our own

                 our yellow submarine

             

                              could not save the canary

                  perhaps...

 

              the drowning was necessary.

 

Author's Note

There has been a lot of fighting recently on the cafe. Writers in this place seem to be so deep in water..they are oblivious to how they treat one another...oblivious to how certain actions and words can pull another writer down, hence "the canary" representing the few writers that are trying to fly high above the chaos, and remain "creatively free"...but harsh words and criticism are weighing these writers down. "The drowning was necessary" a metaphor to represent the writers who try and stay afloat "by elimating the competion"

Reviews

[Star]

the waters can me such a beautiful place but yet can be a place of horror....I love this. I did not realize people did not get along on here and fighting. ugh... I sure hope I don t encounter that, because I am here purely for the craft of writing, to get improve myself and be of help to others...honestly.. and I don't want to have all the drama...ugh.. you are a wonderful poet Muse and thanks for interacting with me.

[barleygirl]

This is so excellent on so many levels, I can't capture them all. Normally I shy away from interpretive authors notes, but I think this one is necessary & well-stated. I am in awe of your way of seeing how these things go at the cafe, as expressed in this note. The poem is so all-encompassing, I feel it could be interpreted many different ways, even tho I love knowing your intent, via your note. I am reminded of how, when I write, I need to be away from the maddening crowd. I have to completely insulate myself from whatever people say "out there" . . . or I begin to revert to my old people-pleasing ways. You are so right, being gentle with the creative spirit is so much more important (to me) than scoring some ego-points by picking another creative person apart on tangible bullshit. Sure, we're all making mistakes & not always hitting our points. But this is a place to nurture the creative spirit, not show everyone we know how to spell and do iambic pentameter. I find the critical ones are often only trying to show off what they think they know. I could go on & on. This really trips my switch (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Muse]

Thank you for understanding and appreciating my vision. I was hoping it might humble some writers into a better sense of reasoning.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

How beautifully written
sweetie I hope you're well
and safe.


I pretty much
keep writing praying
Listening to music 🎶
it keeps the negative
away.


I'll be seeing my
son June 27th the
big 20 birthday 🎂
and we're safe as
well.

Beautiful piece
💛💗😊

[Ballpark Frank]

I get this. Simply put. I drowned a few times at this place. Too bad too

[Muse]

Agreed. :(

[Ballpark Frank]

I read this again. I appreciate how you make me think. I hope I've become more humble over the years. I used to Ed a jersey

[Ballpark Frank]

Oops . I meant to end by saying I used to be a bit of a jerk in the past when I was new here.

[ms. barrie]

amazing word weaving...there is such a graceful,
profoundness in your imagery. and i enjoy reading the lyrical fluidity
the third verse, so very true...

beautifully written...i agree with your author’s note...
and...some things never change

i will be by again soon, thank you for sharing your poetic artistry ~ x

[Silent_Whispers]

Your descriptions are so delicate and beautiful. You have a wonderful way with words.

[Neville]

Your poem 'Ours' has just become one of my favourites.. it seems that what goes around, comes around.. some things just never change do they.. hats off to ya

Neville

[Muse]

kudos my friend.

[Neville]

and back at ya my very fine literary friend.

[Art Sun]

Even without the chaos your work is above those Universal skies, in Poetry we strive to express the interior spirit hidden so that when we see those thoughts enter the chaotic reality we know we are the overcoming expressions of Truth....

[Muse]

Thank you Art. Good to see you're still around old friend. So many new faces. It's just good to see a familiar face. :)

[...]

There is the time wbere you fly so high. And there is times where is time to soeak up for issues and try find solutions.importan is stay calm and brave. Never think you are better then other person. Issue must be adress but you have to stay human.constructive dialog and accept another personality. Thanks for bringing that subject.

[Einstein Noodle]

well said...your closing hits home with a thunder and roar that is softly spoken ...spot on poem on the subject and so sadly true ..it happens ...can get like something from the halls of grade school eh!? one of my favorite friends here a victim of such continuous stalking harassment .. shame on us...shame on us all .. i have run into very little of it myself but when i do it is very obvious and i simple block and report ... it they change profiles they are still easy to recognize and i block and report again ... well said .. form and use of common language is my cup of tea anyway ..but it is the theme and how you lay it out that creates a strong poem says i!
E.

[Muse]

10-4 all over again...I think that's another reason why I got burned out on this place.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes...unfortunately you are not alone :(

[midniterider]

tell em girl,loved your review of genosides a*s,,lol

[Muse]

I know I don't come around and visit the café often. But when I do, the last thing I need to see is "THAT" especially when my 10 year old is standing behind me....arghhh!