John Milton's Paradise Lost "A rewrite"

This is Old English. "Not typo's" See author's notes below.

My experiment:

Was to take an excerpt from the book Paradise Lost....and rewrite it.  John Milton cared not about rhymes, he cared instead about a structured ten syllable count. I stayed true to this as much as I could.  However...I wanted to make the story my own.  I flipped his words upside down.  Good became bad...heaven became hell...up became down. God became man.  I wanted to see if it changed the essence of it all.........





~ BOOK IV ~
Paradise Found "my version"

Oh, for that hidden voice, which he, who saw
Once veiled, heard whispering in Hell subdued,
Twas then the Angel, put to second rout,
Rose up calmly to usher peace on men,
Joy to the inhabitants of sky, that now,
While time was, our last child had been mislead
The divide of their lucid foe, and 'scaped,
Haply so 'scaped his Priest-like reign: For now
Immortals, overjoyed with love, went up,
The hate ere the pleasure of all Gods,
To abstain of wicked strong man his gain   
On that last truce, and his truce to Heaven:                      
Yet, no doubt in his delay, though afraid
Close up and fearful, nor with cause to shame,
End his dire certainty; which nigh the death      
Now steady perfection in his pale breast,    
And like a dove the mercy front extends
Upon himself; wonder and trust distract
His perfect dreams, the soul free-willist stir
The Peace within him; for within him Peace
He wears, all about him, a mighty Peace
One missed step, no saving this, one might fall
By change of place: New conscience sleeps faith,
That slumbered; wakes the bitter memory    
Of what he is, what was, and what must be
Good; of good prosperity must ensue.
Sometimes towards Hell, which now in his view
Stand firm, his solace look he makes merry;
Sometimes towards Hell's door, and the half-lit moon,
Which now sits lower in his man-marked grave:
Then, much stillness, thus in words be thy end.

Author's Note

Analysis

"for those of you who need further interpretation"

As Book IV opens, Milton presents Satan as a character deeply affected by envy and despair. Earlier in the poem, Satan seems perfectly confident in his rebellion and evil plans. His feeling of despair at the beauty of Paradise temporarily impairs this confidence. While in Hell, Satan tells himself that his mind could make its own Heaven out of Hell, but now he realizes that the reverse is true. As close to Heaven as he is, he cannot help but feel out of place, because he brings Hell with him wherever he goes. For Satan, Hell is not simply a place, but rather a state of mind brought on by a lack of connection with God.

~ BOOK IV ~ Paradise Lost "Author John Milton's version"
Oh, for that warning voice, which he, who saw
The Apocalypse, heard cry in Heaven aloud,
Then when the Dragon, put to second rout,
Came furious down to be revenged on men,
Woe to the inhabitants on earth, that now,
While time was, our first parents had been warned
The coming of their secret foe, and 'scaped,
Haply so 'scaped his mortal snare: For now
Satan, now first inflamed with rage, came down,
The tempter ere the accuser of mankind,
To wreak on innocent frail man his loss
Of that first battle, and his flight to Hell:
Yet, not rejoicing in his speed, though bold
Far off and fearless, nor with cause to boast,
Begins his dire attempt; which nigh the birth
Now rolling boils in his tumultuous breast,
And like a devilish engine back recoils
Upon himself; horror and doubt distract
His troubled thoughts, and from the bottom stir
The Hell within him; for within him Hell
He brings, and round about him, nor from Hell
One step, no more than from himself, can fly
By change of place: Now conscience wakes despair,
That slumbered; wakes the bitter memory
Of what he was, what is, and what must be
Worse; of worse deeds worse sufferings must ensue.
Sometimes towards Eden, which now in his view
Lay pleasant, his grieved look he fixes sad;
Sometimes towards Heaven, and the full-blazing sun,
Which now sat high in his meridian tower:
Then, much revolving, thus in sighs began.




This is an experiment...will rewrite again later perhaps. But, I'd like to know your thoughts.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

A powerful, invigorating experience, to say the least... to breathe in Milton... to breathe out Muse... and to see every fragment entwined with cords of motion and meaning... light into darkness... shadows rising on the sun... Why, what dark-lit genius floods your mindscapes, my friend? Twould be a music wild and wondrous to be sure.

[Muse]

my mind would be like an ocean filled with the many wonder's of Pandora's box...beautiful....but not always pleasant my friend.

[An owl on the moon]

Hmmmm, sweet Muse... you entice me to open the box to let soar the screeching hoards and to ride the winds of their wilding wake... x

[VennelaMargame]

Hmm, I'm reminded a bit of a musical composition called the "Mirror of St. Anne," which did a similar inversion, save with musical notes.

Let me nit-pick one thing. It's not old English, it's modern English. Old English would be "Fæder ure þu þe eart on heofonum; si þin nama gehalgod" (Our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name).

One of the real classic things that Milton did was create the ultimate sympathetic villain, and ever since people have tried to create the ultimate story of sympathy for the devil. I commend you on your efforts in blank verse, since I know it's not your cup of tea, but you did very well with the form, in all. Try more with it, you'll find that you can make it very conversation and natural, even in heroic couplets. That last bit was one of Robert Browning's areas of expertise.

Have you ever heard the song "Lord of Light" by Iron Maiden? I think you might find it particularly interesting if you haven't, as it presents similar themes in a very nice and emotionally involving way.

Good on your for trying this fine experiment. Happy writing, Muse.

[Muse]

I was suffering form extreme writers block when I did this. I decided to broaden my skills trying something new. I'm not too fond of this piece, but it was kind of fun trying something different. I'm not an Iron Maiden fan, and my old English surely sucks. lol

[VennelaMargame]

I'm glad you did. When you write something that responds to a great old canon of works, you add a drop of your color in the pot of paint. Or rather, if you talk to the classics, they talk back.

[Muse]

Even in your reviews you talk pretty...my brain is mush this time of night. I have nothing clever to say.

[VennelaMargame]

I tend speak in analogies, metaphors and literary devices. Not out of pretense, but it's how my emotional thoughts organize themselves. My mouth gets well ahead of my brain at times. My friends find me very quotable for this reason.

[Ed Rector]

you no how to entice while inciting a man...

[Adambomb]

True to your pen name! I don't think you should hold yourself in comparison to Milton. Your words are beautiful and original, just more closely inspired by an original than some of your others. I think one of the most beautiful forms of art is closely inspired and with a unique voice.

[MoriartyMesa]

Now I ain't a learned man with a lot of quotes or points to make, all I may say is this chilled the soul like falling into thin sheet of ice and falling into the water. The music not only aided the feeling, but the words made me feel just so cold and i think for the body to react to work is a fine nod to the person who penned it.

[Muse]

an experiment...coping with writer's block...so I messed with the work of a genius...not sure how I feel about it.

[KAin]

Nicely done!

For some reason, it (in particular your little preamble to the piece) got me hunting through some of my notes on Nietzsche, where I dug this out:

"...Because we have for millenia made moral, aesthetic, religious demands on the world, looked upon it with blind desire, passion or fear, and abandoned ourselves to the bad habits of illogical thinking, this world has gradually become so marvelously variegated, frightful, meaningful, soulful, it has acquired color - but we have been the colorists: it is the human intellect that has made appearances appear and transported its erroneous basic conceptions into things."

Truth, like so many things, should not be a matter of perspective, yet we see it changing like ideas about art or fashion every few years. What's acceptable now was not so a few years ago, and perhaps will not be so again in another decade or so. What's true now was not even in the realm of possibility thirty years ago. The world is fluid and ever changing, and yet we are still moulded by traditions that seem set in stone - religion, laws, ideals.
But wind and water can wear stone away, so maybe nature (in any understanding of the word) will one day do away with truth?

if that's the case, we may have nothing left to rely on but our perceptions to safeguard us from deceptions and illusions... something that we are saved from at present by clinging to that steadfast notion of 'the truth'. A perception of the truth has kept us safe, but what if the 'truth' disappears, what then?
Which in turn makes me wonder... is it the truth we're holding onto, or just the notion of it?

Anyway, I enjoyed your perspective on this, one of my favourites!
A thought-provoking experiment... thank you.

[EMF]

Hell, Lady. You know what I think. As we say here... 'It's the Dog's Bollocks'. That is a compliment. Ask any Brit

[Distant horizons]

Excellent, I think. Havent read this in foreverever, but Me thinks I'll be revisiting it again soon, but until then I'll just comment on the one thing I do remember. The pace of your words and their structure fit perfectly with the pace I remember flowing the first time I read it. I have an audio version of it and I think thats what put me off revisiting it again. The narrator read it differently from the way I would and it really put me off. Away to hunt through some books now :-)

[Pax Analog]

Your rewrite is essentially like the evolution of a two-dimensional mythic war between purported good & evil into a three-dimensional assertion of the simple dignity of Man. Reason over belief. It is no accident that scholars have pointed out repeatedly that Milton's Satan is more convincing than his evocation of divinity. It occurs to me that "Satan" is a mask of "Man" -- not some tempter of candy-a*s piety, but rather the spirit of Man's inquiring nature itself, sometimes necessarily scornful, but honest.

The realm of collective presumptions we live in will never be truly inhabitable until a tipping point influences all to embrace post-rational consciousness, the "senior class" transmission of Nonduality. In the meantime, however, the f*****g species has yet to even fully embrace the dignity of the Age of Reason. The tools of rationality are still used in the service of stubborn irrationality, that psychic landscape of devils, angels, tempters, salvation, hellish compounds. NONE of that exists in the Sky-Mind of radical simplicity.

"The Peace within him; for within him Peace
He wears, all about him, a mighty Peace"

And in this mighty Peace, the prolonged medieval "video game" of Paradise Lost becomes your Paradise Found: the domain of realizing the human instrument is capable of self-transcendence unto liberation from all gummed-up, trumped-up limitations of form.

In the words of Milton's better contemporary William Blake: "As I walked through Hell, filled with the delights of genius, which to the angels look like torment. . ."

[.]

~ oh, i've read this piece so many times since you posted it... i have many questions...

LINES 1 - 3

~ was the angel defeated a second time by satan ?

LINES 4 - 9

~ was the angel mislead by satan ?

~ did the angel escape God's reign ?

~ who were the "immortals" ?

LINES 10 - 15

~ who is "the wicked strong man" ? ~ is he a prototype of the human race ?

LINES 15 - 23

~ assuming that this is the same man, is his peace so fragile that it can change with a change in place ?

LINES 24 - 31

~ again, assuming that he is the same man who represents mankind, does he want to go to Hell ?

Sorry about these questions. I am just astounded by the content of this piece. Is it really saying that human beings would LIKE to go to hell? Am not sure if I understood correctly, so I thought I'd ask you.