Silence

A Story by Hickory Dickory

The silence is deafening. I’d never done anything like this before, never anything this extreme. If this works then there is no going back. Do I even want it to work? I’m starting to regret it now, but there is nothing I can do. It’s too late, the damage has already been done. I didn’t even think…

The constant pounding in my ears is unbearable, I can’t take this much longer. There’s only half an hour left before I can finally go home though. I can do it. God, I hate school. It’s the one thing that tears me down, and I have no idea why. I mean, I would understand if I got bullied or something, but I don’t. Just coming to school is enough to drain me, never mind spending seven hours here, and that’s not even considering the lessons with the work. It’s like I’ve missed everything important and it’s impossible to catch up. I don’t seem to understand anything. This isn’t even just for the lessons. I think I must’ve taken the day off when all the students were brought into the hall and taught the proper way to act to be liked. I must’ve missed that session back in year one when everyone was taught to smile properly. I must’ve not gotten the memo on how not to be awkward around everyone, how to know how to fit in and go unnoticed. I clearly wasn’t in on the day that everyone was told the specific rules to break, how to not get upset at everything, why people say things but then mean the opposite. I can’t have been in the day they were all told how to be normal. I missed all of that. I’m constantly falling behind on things that we haven’t even done yet. I didn’t get the memo on the ages where you’re supposed to stop being a child and start adulting, but not too much because you can’t be a loser. How am I falling behind on a life I haven’t even lived yet?

The red is everywhere, that’s going to stain for sure. This was a mistake. What will people think of me now? There’s no getting out of this one. There is no playing this off as a joke, there is no telling everyone that I’m fine, that it’s fictional and I’m just creative. How do you convince everyone around you that everything is going great when you can’t even convince yourself.

The bell, finally. I cant stand a minute longer with these people. No one here understands me, but how can I expect them to when I don’t even understand myself? It’s not much different at home though, although at least now I can hide away in my bedroom, and I no longer have to face the world. I wish there was a way of showing everyone how I feel but I just don’t have the words to do it. I can’t form them, and every time I try they get lost at the back of my throat. How is anyone supposed to understand the way I don’t feel anything but I feel everything at the same time. I can’t except anyone to get the way my feelings towards people can change in the blink of an eye over something small, and most of all, how can I explain to the ones that keep me living that the only thing that I want to do is die.

Although, they do say actions speak louder than words. People are always telling me to get out there, try something new. Maybe I’ll like it. What if I did attempt to do something new? Something I’d never done before? I’ve hinted at it sure, but hints tend to go over people’s heads, especially when they don’t have the experience to see them. I could quote many a thing I’ve written, many a thing I’ve said that people don’t even realise what it was about. All those references are in vain when they don’t know what you’re talking about. So I will show them.

A blade of grass is like a blade to the wrist, digging down deep into your soul until the rushing blood soothes the sharp edge, until the red stains all around you, until the numbness is comforting once more. The burning blaze of the sun is like a flame striking down, burning your skin until it is sore and darkened. The harsh wind is the words of others striking down the trees until they fall, and yet they are still criticised for falling the wrong way. The twinkling star that is burning out is a child going unnoticed during their suffering, and the promise of a never ending sleep, a life of peace, the darkness from within escaping into the outside world until everything goes silent. Until suddenly there is nothing.

The sound of silence is the sound of nothing and it is so loud. The unmoving soul that is slowly fading away is helpless as of now. There is nothing to be done, because cries will not be heard until the voice that spoke them has silenced, and the silence is deafening.