Burst of confidence

This is how I learned to overcome my battle with low self esteem. I hope you can feel the sincerity behind my words because this one in particular is very sentimental to me.

My heart is beating, I can breath, I can see, I can hear, I can walk, all of that leads to the conclusion that I am in perfectly good shape. Normally, that conclusion would be logical. But in my case, it is not, because I honestly never felt completly healthy. I've always carried this disease with me, this heavy burden that crossed my path and refused to leave ever since. And this disease is low self-esteem, not being able to stay true to myself.  It's no ordinary disease, it might not be physical, but it's as dangerous and as painful as any physical disease can ever be.  

Many girls from all over the world suffer from lack of confidence, but I never thought I would be among them. To me, it wasn't all about facial beauty, owing the fact that beauty fades. It was somewhat about inner beauty, the beauty of the heart, of the soul, and I couldn't embrace mine.

When I see myself in the mirror, I do not like what I see, little by little my smile vanishes... When I'm around people,  or walking down the streets, I feel uncomftarble, incomplete, under pressure, and most of all ashamed of myself, but for what? for being who I am?  A sudden desire of hiding in the darkness of my shadow forever invades me. 

I've always pushed people away, I coudln't handle the thought of someone looking into my soul, because I was certain that no one would understand what is happening inside me. And I'd say to myself " Poor girl... why can't you just put your guards down and let people in ? '' ...

A part of me always cared about what everyone thought of me, one negative opinion was enough to hold me back and bring me down. Some people called me all sort of bad, insulting, hurtful names, other people continuously judged me, they would always blabber about what I do, who I talk to... And the saddest part is that it mostly comes from the closest people to me. I would spend days figuring out how am I going to impress them, how am I going to make them change their minds about me, feeling bad about myself, blaming myself, thinking that it is my fault that they don't like me. Those particular people were only seeing the worst in me, but there were some amazing people that not only saw the best in me, they saw the worst, and they chose to stay, because they believed in me while I didn't believe in my own will. They'd say '' Hiba, you are beautiful inside and out, why can't you just trust in yourslef '' and I'd ask my self the same questions again and again, 

'' Why can't I trust in myself? ''

" Why can't I feel beautiful? ''

'' Why can't I accept and love myself for who I am? "

'' Why should I be defined by other people's opinions? ''

'' How did I come to this? ''

I still can't answer these questions, but they made me realize that the most important thing is how I view myself, and that everyone is beautiful in their own way, because we were created in god's image, and god makes no mistakes. I am not fully confident yet, I still need a burst of confidence which'll come in the right time.  

To all the girls who went through or are going through the same thing as me, please believe in yourself, love yourself, never underestimate your value because you are precious. There are billions of stars in the universe , they all shine in their own way, learn to do the same. And know that in my eyes, each and every one of you is like a piece of art, marvellous, unique and characteristic. 

Author's Note

I'm open to all of your reviews and critiques, I am a beginner so I'm in much need of them.

Reviews

[3as]

You wrote it from a female perspective but i am sure even males go through this I being part of those people. thats how i came about to writing as an outlet to the bouts of low self esteem. keep your head held up high and dont let negativity take away the shine and all the positivity in your life

[Hiba b.]

You're absoluetly right, writing was my refuge too, it was the only way I would feel safe and secure. Thank you, same thing applies to you! good luck

[Sebastian Falzarano]

Okay let's get down to it:
1) Work on spacing (took me a while, so don't fret. It will come gradually)
2) I like how you just write out your feelings. The thoughts are surprisingly coherent and can apply to anyone
3) A great message. I am telling you that everyone goes through this at some point. Some get over it, others can't.

[Border]

Though it may be politically incorrect and I can be charged with heresy, I am willing to stick my neck out and state the the Muslim Hejab/Burkha goes a long way in removing the tension of ladies on how they look in public.
The hejab/burkha empowers the women and deobjectifies them.
I want your detailed comments on my statement.

[Hiba b.]

First of all as a muslim person I'm well aware of the fact that Hijab is a religious obligation in Islam and I know that I'll eventually commit to it, however I believe that a woman shouldn't wear Hijab until she's fully ready and convinced, she shouldn't be forced by anyone. Second of all, as I stated in my story, it wasn't all about the apparence, I had trouble accepting myself for who I am in general inside and out, and I don't really think Hijab would've solved that though it has many other perks and qualities.

[Border]

Hijab means that nobody will stare lingeringly at each body part of a women, from to to bottom and front-side and back-side. Nobody will measure the lady up. The lady need not measure up to anybody. No bad hair day. No acne day. No need to apply chemicals on the face and carcinogens on the hair, just to please the male gaze. More confidence. People will make their opinion on what you talk and not how you look. I am a strong proponent of some kind of covering for ladies. If they want to flaunt it: then it is their freedom. But if they want to remain covered: it their choice. I like hijab . Koran is the most logical book i have ever read. Only some fanatics interpret it wrongly. By the way, I am a orthodox Hindu

[Sebastian Falzarano]

That's interesting. I see people by their personality, not there looks.

[emmajoy]

'I still can't answer these questions, but they made me realize that the most important thing is how I view myself, and that everyone is beautiful in their own way, because we were created in god's image..'

When someone can put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, self confidence oozes out by way of honestly threaded words. Doesn't matter if the writing isn't on par with the finest in history. What matters is the courage and intent that propels creativity into a public place. Once done, it's a hurdle jumped, surely?

You've shown yourself to be a very human person, who, through her own courage has persevered and come out from the shadows. You're inspiring others to do the same. You're an inspiration by example.

As to the actual writing: you use language concisely but freely, form phrases carefully, ask questions make statements. You're holding a conversation with readers in a relaxed manner but with great empathy. My only criticism would be the lack of spacing in this piece. - it appears jumbled in places which could deter the impatient amongst us!

[Church]

Hi Hiba

You were very descriptive in how this particular struggle plays out in your mind. I understood you, which means it was written very well.

The only nit-picky critique I have is your paragraph spacing. Or lack thereof.

Other than that, well done.

[Marcel Grant]

That was really honest. ;_; Nice job.

[Hiba b.]

Thank you!

[Stephanie Baker]

Hi I like your story keep up the good work:)

[Hiba b.]

Thank you :)