A Letter to His Ex Girlfriend

Hi. 

I don't know if you read this kind of kinds of stuff or if you love reading at all. I don't even know if you will stop and take a look at this article if you ever saw this. Well, it's not really about if you read or not. It's about the love you had given him and I can't. It's funny because we're the total opposites. But you were a lot similar to him, maybe that's what drawn him to you in the first place. I'm not jealous of you, but I envy you.

He told me about things you've done for him before. How you've sacrificed everything, how you've given up everything. I know you've lost yourself while loving him to the point where when you two broke up you don't know how or where to start.

I'm writing this to let you know that I can't and will never be able to replace what you've done. Because first, I'm not you. Second, I've never done those things for him. NEVER. Don't think I'm competing with you because the truth is I'm thinking how lucky he is to have you and yet he chose to hurt you.

I am probably his karma. For all what he has done to you, I'm doing it all to him. And sometimes I can't help but put yourself in my shoes. What would you feel if the love you've been craving before is the same love I've been wasting all along?

He loves me with the same love you've given him. He's doing everything you've wished he's done to you. He's in the same pain he had put you through. And it's all because of me. I envy you because I don't know why I can't love and trust him fully despite everything he's doing. I don't know where you've got that strength of yours to love him for two full years when I question the whole 365 days that we're together. I envy you for you are able to love him at his worst and be able to hold on even though you know you'll just get hurt in the long run while he had shown his best to me and yet I can't love him that much.

If you'll be able to read this, I know you'll laugh at me. You'll laugh at me for I'm wasting everything. For I'm letting a good love go to waste. You're probably thinking how stupid I am. Because while you wish for this love, I'm throwing it away.

I might not be able to love him the same way and the same degree you've done. But I love him, I love him if that's what worries you. Maybe we just have to work out with our trust issues.

You've been a good girlfriend, you've done everything you've could, you fought while you still can even if the pain is excruciating and that's something I really admire about you.

Love,

J