Chapter 1

Introduction.

Prologue:

It started out as a interest, but then it grew into something more realistic. I never knew someone like that, so beautiful and angelic, could hide so many lies- and secrets. I never knew I was capable of unconditionally falling in love with evil, but I knew there had to be consequences- nothing in life is ever truly the way you want it to be...and not everyone is the way you see them.

Chapter 1:

Sometimes I imagine myself as a different person...a different personality, a whole different look and different habits. Nobody wants to be who they are, not at this age anyways. People just want to fit in, to just finish a day at school without getting bullied, picked on or embarrassed. I hear from people everyday that; “you’re beautiful, you’re so unique. I don’t know why you don’t let your true colors shine! You have nothing to be self conscious about.” Well, if every 16 year old girl believed that they are beautiful and unique, then the way high school worked would be a whole different story.

My name is Katrina Evans and I’m sixteen years old. My hair comes down to about my elbows, and split ends. Its the color of chocolate, which compliments my ivory, pale skin. And if you look closely when the sun hits my hair, you’ll see a tint of red. My eyes are the color of a fresh forest. They are dark green, which changes depending on the lighting. My lips are thin, they aren’t the prettiest...I’ll add that to the list of my imperfections. I’m a sophomore at Richardson High; the school with the worst reputation in the city. Everyone in my school either has piercing of various sorts, or tattoo’s plastered somewhere on their body. Brooklyn, New York  is a pretty big city for a small and quiet girl like myself.

I live with my best friend Caleb, he gets money from his parents every month so we could pay the rent and supply ourselves with things we needed. I know what you’re probably thinking; “whats a 16 year old girl doing living with a boy that’s a couple years older than her?” To clear up any misconceptions; Caleb is gay.

You probably wouldn’t of ever guessed Caleb was gay unless someone had told you. He isn’t one of those ‘proud to be gay’ guys, he just keeps quiet about his sexual orientation until someone asks him. He isn’t ashamed or penitent about being gay.

With Caleb, I believe that hes my soul mate, my best friend. Caleb is my other half, every flaw he has, he wears it well and isn’t self conscious about it. We’ve never gotten into a fight once, maybe some heated arguments, but nothing more serious than that. Caleb and I have been friends since preschool. He was always there for me during the hardest moments, and through the painful experiences. I return the favor by helping him with anything he needs, and just being there.

I’ve been living with Caleb in our apartment for almost a year, it wasn’t all that bad. It creaked a couple times during the night, which got me more than a little spooked. The walls of our apartment were painted a dark shade of brown that made the whole house have a comfortable effect to it. We had 2 bedrooms in our apartment. My room was on the farthest end of the hallway, and Caleb’s was beside mine. The counter in the bathroom me and Caleb both shared had most of my hair products and makeup on it. Even though its not the best house to live in, I loved the feeling of a comfy safe place. But sharing it with my best friend made it all worth wild.

My Mom left my Dad to marry another man, who had been more rich and handsome than him. I don’t remember every detail of my Mother but I have photographs of her. I miss her sometimes, when I get overwhelmed and upset over all the little things. I call her every once and awhile, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough.

I have two brothers, and like me, they both moved out when they were 16. I had a close relationship with both of them, until they moved out and then they lost touch with everyone except the new people in their lives. Landon was the youngest one, who found a girlfriend and moved in with her. I didn’t look a lot like him, in fact, he didn’t really look anyone in our family, except for the fact that he had Moms eyes. Landon was tall, dark hair and blue eyes like the ocean. Lyem was the oldest one, he was the most handsome one. He looked so much like Mom when he was his age. Lyem always had troubles letting people in, and trusting people. Lyem had the kind of personality Dad did when he was a troubled teenager. Lyem had broad shoulders like you’d see on a football player. He had dark blue eyes that changed to more of a dark brown when he was angry, overwhelmed or upset about something. Lyem had curly dirty blond hair that hung in his eyes most of the time.
I opened my eyes realizing that I hadn’t even slept. I was deep in thought, so I decided to glance over and look at the clock that was sitting right next to my bed on my night stand. The clock read 2:29AM. I had less that 5 hours to sleep before I had to get up and get ready for school.

Reviews

[Joe Shetina]

I like it. Solid write.

[Mary Evans]

If you want to write a prologue you should make it at least a page long. For an entering paragraph I suggest you either put it in the chapter or just leave it with no title.

Otherwise it’s a pretty exiting beginning.

Although it might be a good idea to describe your character in the first chapter doing so in one big chunk of text makes it kind of tedious. If it were third person you could get away with it. But the fact that’s its first not only makes the paragraph even more monotonous but makes the main character seem self-loving and arrogant.

Overall although it might be perfect as a base of the story there’s too much exposition too little action. It just looks to me like the summaries I write before actually writing the chapter. For the type of story you’re going for, you’d like to add more action/dialogue and intertwine the exposition in it instead of dedicating a whole chapter on narrative prose.

So it’s an ok style, ok language and ok story. Just too average and even if you do have more exciting stuff further on you really want to make your first chapter more capturing. Well done anyways.

[((Teenage_Poet_Loser))]

heeeey! i see u have been through alot... thats sometimes not that bad i think.. if you can learn from the experience... i didnt really get what the story is about? i havent had the chnce to read the other chapters... will do in time =D... is it a story about your life??

[Jupiter Jazz]

Interesting.. I see you used your first chapter to set up the background.

It had a few mistakes. Missing punctuation, unnecessary punctuation, a couple of fragment sentences, but other than that, it was good

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

I like the characters so far. I can't wait to really learn more about her father though and her mom is mean to leave her father like that!

[P.M. Lenski]

the paragraphs kinda intimidated me aft first lol
but then as i got reading it was really realy really good. i loved the way you described each person so beautifully. this was a good introductory chapter

[rae52]

great so far