My Baby

For Daniel Gardeners Contest....I wish them the best.

My Baby

 

You look into my eyes, giggle brightly

Squirming to run your own game

Pulling the reluctant kitten by the fuzzy tail

Finding that dusty cracker underneath the couch

 

It’s my baby

You baby

One baby

Cry baby

 

You don’t know that my heart ticks ragged

Beats of hopeful, fantasy futures

Strokes of genius, sparks of brilliance

I have my dreams and you are swept up

 

It’s my baby

You baby

Two baby

Sigh baby

 

Muted bravery when you can’t understand

Tired and weak, older by necessity

Eyes telling me, of all people, it will be okay

Cries for sadness so deep, I can’t overcome

 

It’s my baby

You baby

Three baby

High baby

 

Let’s hold hands for just a moment

Let’s eat the rhythm of the land

Let’s crinkle our noses in miracle and disbelief

Let’s make this beautiful time, the kind that counts

 

Because

 

You’re my baby

You baby

Four baby

More baby

Author's Note

Let me know if I can do anything....thinking about your family.

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

You don’t know that my heart ticks ragged
Beats of hopeful, fantasy futures
Strokes of genius, sparks of brilliance
I have my dreams and you are swept up

that is a brilliant stanza.. it flows so perfectly. the image it gives is heartwrenching. i also really enjoyed the sort of pat-a-cake nursery rhyme rhythm of the piece, and the refrain running throughout eases the passages, almost adding a marching effect..

[.]

we have five babies, so I really relate to this..flows beautifully..

[Abdul Aziz]

Awesome! I wonder how you've made it flow so perfectly without using rhyme.
The words are wrapped up in subtlety, and drenched with emotions. And the "chorus" like refrains, with just the right amount of repetition, and the right amount of variation, really give this poem a song-like effect.
Brilliant!

[FlawedByDesign]

Wow!
They say there's no love like a parents love and you've set the bar high with this poem of yours my friend :)
You've created great flow and I think the even stanzas act like pillars supporting the expression of love and adoration spoken of in other stanzas.
I agree with jenniewren that the stanza,
"You don’t know that my heart ticks ragged
Beats of hopeful, fantasy futures
Strokes of genius, sparks of brilliance
I have my dreams and you are swept up"
...is damn near flawless, beautiful and heartwarming.

Really nicely done sir :)
May your kids love their dad!

[Amy Bumpas]

In the first stanzas I thought you were talking about a dog,
but I don't think it's about that now. You have some really
strong lines in this: Tired and weak, older by necessity
Eyes telling me, of all people, it will be okay
Cries for sadness so deep, I can’t overcome
Let’s hold hands for just a moment
Let’s eat the rhythm of the land
Let’s crinkle our noses in miracle and disbelief
Let’s make this beautiful time, the kind that counts
Those are really great lines...nice piece:)

[A.Lee]

Absolutely beautiful... This has such a strong sense of love it almost brought a few tears to my eyes... How thoughtful. Excellent job, Corey. Going in my favorites. I dont have any influence in who wins, but I hope you place.

[Wicahpi]

This is a fun write! How wondrous and full of family fun!
Great job on this one :) I can see girls jump roping to it !

[Ruth]

This is a wonderful poem hon, really stunningly moving, Daniel will love it! :) xx

[Alice_In_WhateverLand]

Speechless... i am incredibly touched by this beautiful piece. This is my fav from you so far. Well done! x

[Ice QueenJen]

this was so beautiful, and like Arasinya I almost cried! And its nice that you wrote this for someone else, giving a piece of your heart to another in the form of a poem/song!

[Adora.xo]

I love love LOVED this piece! Corey you're brilliant! I almost cried! Don't be making me cry. You bum. But honestly this was wonderfuly, the repetition of "It's my baby, you baby" was really really good. And the rhythm and flow was flawless! Great job love!

xoxo
~Adora