Burnt Offerings

Written after listening to a friend with troubles, I know there are two sides, but had a thread and went with it. If I hear the other side, I will be fair.

Burnt Offerings

 

I offered you my heart wrapped in soft white taffeta

Blood soaked ribbon to cut hormonal circulation

Quieting the flow of incredulous beating, arteries spewing

Put it in your pocket while you get your pedicure, brunch with the mayor

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my thoughts, you opened your pocketbook grudgingly

The brown of my eyes lacking conviction to show you

The tensile strength of my love unyielding, hot to the touch

Pathetic for exposing every crack in my chain mail emotions

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my virility in and out of the bedroom

You shrink wrapped it, vacuum sealed it and hid it in the deep freeze

Not taken out for company or a candle light dinner for two

Permafrost phallic projections, unearthed by aliens a hundred years from now

 

Look at me

 

I offered you my offspring, full of joyful temptation

A glance at the future of your fragile eco-system

Security in an old age home, someone to soothe your dementia

Seeing you off as your are returned to your rightful place beneath the cinder

 

Look at you….. you do every morning

Look at you…..your physical beauty unequivocal

Look at you…..so smug in your strappy sandals

Look at you…..because you won’t look at me.

 

Author's Note

just wanna share with you...thats all.

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

The thing this makes me think about is that yes, there are two sides to a relationship. Funny how we won't put any credence to a bad opinion of us from a spouse, or ex, and yet we think that our opinion of them is spot on. Perception is, reality. If someone persieves you in a particular way, especially a significant other who knows you better then you do, then, that is a probably as good a judgment of who you are as any.

If someone is in a relatioship thattt bad... get out, or shut the eff up lol.
Brutal yes, but seriously, if we're not going to do something about a particular situation, that close your pie hole and realize that you are just a slack eyed and silly suck up, who couldn't hit the side of a tit, with a cow and a barn... (I might have messed that last saying up!).

Good stuff So'West, got me tinkin... which isn't good, because now my ears hurt.

Dug this dude!
Keep up the good scribblin!
Antonio

[Ashley.M.E]

I like this poem... really sad though, but beautifully writen

[emmajoy]

This isn't just hurt, it's pain and yes, there's two sides to most stories involving man, woman, emotions. This is male pain and what's that, men don't cry? They cry silently and this poem says just that.

Your writing is almost too good in this, the meaning cuts deep and deeper, the words are placed just so ..

[Seashell]

Ohhh your poor friend. There are always 3 sides to the story tho...HIS,HERS and the truth !!
However..I loved the repetative "Look at you"...I was sitting in the corner of a lounge full of people here...and as I was reading this I found myself saying it out loud....with agression...you know "LOOK AT YOOOOO"..haaaa

Wording is brill as is comparisons.
You gifted chappy.

Thanks for share

Babs xx

[Elizabeth]

This is art. Powerful. I think the choice to repeat "Look at me" throughout made the last line resonate that much more. I can see this girl, I know who she is, now. Excellent work.

[Nianque]

That was powerful. I want to give the person suffering a hug. I felt the sexuality and raw power .

[e.t]

to me, the sexuality you display in this poem brings it to life. nicely done.

[darkgurl]

This is really powerful and deep. I like this write. I can feel your emotion pour out.

[Jenny Nelson]

Well done; well written. Much emotion comes from this. That last line is heartbreaking.

[Ed Hart]

every beastie knows the first one to run is dinner; and every guy or gal should know, if you're bait, you get hooked...or something like that

[Doreen]

There are two sides to every story, but this side is so sad. I feel for your friend as I can feel the frustration, the sadness and emptiness in this. Very well written.