Atrophy

I can’t breathe.

The day leaks, dripping 

forehead to nose, nose to shoes.

The day leaks, dripping

frontal cortex to heart, heart to stomach pit.

 

I won’t remember,

That Citizenship certificate

or the drawing of the horse

that wasn’t a horse.

Frozen, stock still, day comes, night comes.

 

I can’t breathe.

The world races, spiraling

But that’s not right, not real.

The world races, slipping

making room for the next big thing.

Reviews

[schlanks]

Oh wow, this is so emotional. The weight is evident throughout. A true embodiment of poetry's ability to bottle our feelings and experiences for display. Brilliant.

[Crowley]

Thank you, your comments are much appreciated!!!

[Bhuyanshi Talukdar]

Your poem is a powerful and evocative expression of the sense of overwhelming anxiety and suffocation that can come with feeling like the world is moving too fast and that you can't keep up. The way that you use vivid imagery and poetic language to describe the experience of feeling like you can't breathe is both powerful and moving, and I think your poem captures the essence of what it means to be a thoughtful and compassionate person in a way that is both insightful and inspiring. Your use of metaphor and symbolism is particularly effective, and I think it speaks to the way that our fears and anxieties can consume us and make it difficult to see the world clearly. Overall, I think your poem is a beautiful reminder of the importance of taking time to slow down and appreciate the beauty and complexity of the world around us, even when it feels like everything is moving too fast.

[Crowley]

sorry about the late reply. What a wonderful and complex review. Sometimes I feel I miss so much of the small things trying to keep up to the day to day. thanks again for reading, hope you are well!

[Perdition]

Well the "drawing of the horse" most definitely has me thinking. Obviously there is so much more here than the physical nature of Atrophy. The world spins and we stand in our places as travelers never quite aware of the destination, but in this you have given the traveler and travels so much more. I feel the stars and distance falling down and the reality of the details of simply being alive..."The day leaks"...that it does indeed and could spend hours on that alone but from there you travel the senses into the consciousness as well as some illusion and detail. Still in the margin of what is and what is not your own reality. Been awhile, but I still remember the cultivations in your poetry. Like walking into a galaxy without your seatbelt on in some invisible car that seats none. Well done, most certainly enjoyed it!!

[Crowley]

Did I thank you for this review...No? I will...lol. Any review this amazing from the likes of one of my favorite poets is something that makes a day. It's good to see you are around, I try to be but not as often. thanks you for the great comment and the in depth review, you are most kind.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Dear Crowley,
the symptoms of atrophy that are not so acquainted
exhaustingly profoundly such draining, ill-wounding,
dreadness, a hard found loss of cope,
and willingness to make it through,
----Maynard.

[Crowley]

A very creative and well written comment. It feels so uphill at times, making the flat spots seem to short to be noticed. Thanks you so much fro the kind words and for stopping by.

[1809 Black Plague December]

you are most welcome Dear, wishing you a happy new year, :S

[Ladysue]

‘The world races slipping making room for the next best thing.’ We are inundated with the next best thing . We race for many things that don’t matter and lose sight of what does and in turn humanity break down. Think we are all a bit breathless for what is going on for a long time. Not sure if this was what you meant but it is how I viewed it. Great title and write.

[Crowley]

Better late than never...lol, sorry for taking so long. Thanks for coming by and leaving a bit of yourself and reading my work. You have been there for a long time, I appreciate that!

[Ayvid N]

The day leaks, dripping into places where one certainly wouldn't be comfortable. To me it felt uncomfortable, intrusive. A feeling of Invasiveness. That was stunning imagery and something so new to think of.
Reading the poem, I get a sense of a world too fast leaving one with a sense of atrophying. It races and leaps out of reach, all the time leaving one stupefied and in a state of inactivity.
I enjoyed relating to your words as I often feel overwhelmed and rushed by a demanding day and by all the things out there swiftly reinventing themselves making me feel obsolete. A great poem to read today!

[Crowley]

Yeah, I think people miss out because of the frenetic pace. Not sure if it's any different than any other time in history, probably not. I hadn't written anything in a while so the is what I came up with. gotta do better than that. So, what is one or two of your favorite pieces that you wrote, I would like to go back and have a peak at what you are most proud of.

[Ayvid N]

It was great to read and I always enjoy poems that carry a strongly felt message on life. This one did.

There is a poem I had written on a musical maestro from Pakistan. If you'd like to look st itsome time. The name of the poem is: 'Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.' Though it's an artist from the the east, I had tried to give it a universal message. The other would be 'Some Days Bygone'. Please do take your time though. Thank you for asking.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I feel like I can relate to this on many levels. For me, the feeling is apathy of atrophy. The world is definitely slipping, but I think it's making room for the worst thing. Things are definitely dripping. It feels like a never-ending spiraling into soullessness to me. I hate feeling so fatalistic these days!

This is really well written, Crowly.

[Crowley]

The fatalism seems to hound at every corner. Thanks for the visit and the read, I appreciate it.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Man, I am always so fascinated with the machinations of a magnificent mind,
how it works, how it ties together D with X then back to A in what should be random but is shown to be perfectly logical. You have all of that.
I particularly liked the opening stanza and I sensed a metaphorical undercurrent throughout.
Winston

[Crowley]

These days people talk about the world passing you by in so many different ways, and I can feel it, I think. I don't like to be stuck in the mud. thanks so much for the read and review. Much appreciated.

[Red Brick Keshner]

The thing with atrophy is ascertaining if it is from within us or from outside, around us.. perhaps even both. The drumming darkness is quite compelling.

[Crowley]

Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate it!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

You are the one here writing and I'm just stark here in atrophy C! Im flipping and flopping like a dying fish and you're still the sparkling warm sand....

[Crowley]

Well get in there and get going your lady...I'm not going to tell you twice! Actually this the the first thing I've written in months, so sad. love ya Q!!