Indelible Joy or Pay to Play

A tribute....

Indelible joy lights her face,

playing coy in the lustful sphere…

'tis long she’s kept that fevered pace. 

 

Her fingers, lips, an outline trace

sings rapture songs and baits the deer;

indelible joy, lights her face.

 

Cold morning sparks, gone is the lace.

Her look, no love, an awful leer …

’tis long she’s kept that fevered pace.

 

I leave the womb, a starved disgrace;

she knew that I was in the clear.

Indelible joy, lights her face.

 

That tragic night, I might erase,

but back toward her breast I steer …

’tis long she’s kept that fevered pace.

 

’Til morning light, begins the race;

my coin in hand, a silent cheer …

indelible joy, lights her face.

’Tis long she’s kept that fevered pace.

 

Author's Note

Sorry Margie I know that this is not your favorite form, but this tribute is for Richard and Linda Marie Van Tassell. I can say the bones are mine, but without Richard, all might have been lost. He has been much more than helpful in this endeavor. I am not ashamed of my prose but at times I feel like the ease with which I write is unfair to those who put in the time to construct something beautiful and consuming while adhering to rigid form. The result is almost always amazing when your love of the craft and your hard work and your willingness to teach coalesce to paint vivid landscapes, identifiable character and love as deep as can be described in mere words. I want to thank you for showing the importance of the craft and making me want to have a closer look. I admit that I have read far more of your writing than I have commented on, only because I often feel inadequate. I won't make that mistake again. I will at least tell you how it makes me feel, after all that is the point.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

An incredible piece of writing, poetry, flair and style. Is different for and from you, and 0 i see why now, having read Your Author' note.

Perfection can be ugly; the face of a man/woman without a single line or crevice means it has never shown emotion. The same applies to a heartless piece of writing that is no more than fine words and correct punctuation. Your writing, amongst many others in the cafe, have always inspired, given comfort, amused and brought tears.. that is what matters.

Yes, this 'Indelible Joy... ' is superb and you should be immenesely proud of it after working so hard. But, always be you, please. I've said as much to Richard cos only recently he guided me so very patiently and will be eternally grateful to him.. but.. inside me is Me. For always. That's not meant as arrogance but - honesty

[barleygirl]

How I measure a villanelle . . . do the repeating lines grab my notice away from the storyline? I like your repeating lines & they are interesting & complex enuf to hold my interest, even repeatedly. I love your explanation of writing with ease normally, but then wanting to put your nose on the grindstone just to see how the other half lives. You've done a great job of blending your easy flow into this complex form. It doesn't make me want to try a villanelle, tho! *wink! wink!* (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I'm gonna leave this one to the experts. This is due to the fact that I have no fashion for the form that we should write in. lol However, I do see how the passion dies when we must use such constraints. I love your writing far more when it falls outta the box just a bit.

[Beccy]

It is quite taxing to remain within the structural constraints of the villanelle and create a poem with meaning and intention, as often the form itself tends to overshadow nuance and flavour. But here, despite those constraints, the overall refrain is nicely captured and really well maintained.

I liked it.

Beccy.

[Crowley]

Yeah I struggled, cuz you know me, I want to use the words I want but when counting and rhyming and scheming sometimes you have to kill your darlings. Thanks Beccy!!!

[Beccy]

Even the strictest of forms has to have refrain and meaning; otherwise it become little more than an exercise in technique, pointless in my view. If I am writing form, (sonnets being my favourite,) I first just write the words I feel, then tweak and squeeze and change it around a little until it begins to fit and make sense; but I never, (at least I hope I don't,) lose sight of poetry's raison d'être, which is to involve and move the reader.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Hmmm … While talking about indelible joy, I don't get a sense of joy from the man at all. They are both participating in a dance that cheapens the soul, and I don't feel that either one are really enjoying themselves. It has to be a very lonely and unfulfilling life for them both. I think you tackled the Villanelle very well, and I am honored that you mention me in relation to the form. For a first attempt, you did a remarkable job. Kudos to Richard for helping you with this. He's a terrific teacher. Well done, Crowley!

[Crowley]

Thanks!!! I tried! The indelible joy was more in sarcasm at least until money comes into play, the joy in that stanza may be literal. I can’t even fathom the depth of sorrow or guilt this scene probably actually enjoys. Thanks for the review, I appreciate it!

[emipoemi]

Well, Margie and I have more in common than I thought, as this is my favourite form too (although I haven't had much inspiration to be prolific in such a form - only written 2.5 villanelles, the .5 being part of a larger piece, not its own stand-alone). Now, overall, this really captures the energy of the emotion. The only critique I have is that there's no clear antecedent for Stanza 2 Line 2 to begin with a Third Person Singular when the previous line was a Third Person Plural, which makes it a tad confusing, and would be advisable to tweak it so that it reads as such: "She raptures sings, and baits the deer".

This is otherwise well-executed. Bravo! Much enjoyed!

[Crowley]

It was almost an execution...lol. I am lacking in the finer points of this kind of poetry. Richards help was amazing, and I managed to scratch out a little something. I will have another look and see if my tiny brain can come to the same conclusion!!! Thank you so much for reading!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Fran Marie]

the villanelle not the easiest form to tackle..done a few myself..you delivered a fine piece here both in form and content....very well penned

[Eilis]

The villanelle is a challenging form. I’m not normally a form writer either, but people’s work here does inspire me to try harder. I read a few villanelles on CD’s page and tried my hand after that. It’s definitely something that takes focus and practice. I admire all of the poets who devote themselves to it.

Yours feels metrically great. I feel the lilting along in lines and your refrain lines work really well to keep the story progressing. The story/message of the poem is tough. The woman of use and how that use transfers on the grander plain of her life. It’s not a life I would ever choose for myself, but you’ve offered a delicate, sympathetic portrait here.

I enjoyed this. Great work.

[Crowley]

Thanks, I rarely do form work, but was pleased with how this turned out. Much help from friends for sure. Glad you came by, thank you!!!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I enjoyed reading this. I'm not very adherent to form in my own writing. I feel about form the way Robin Williams' character did in Dead Poet's Society. I understand it and I appreciate it to an extent unless it detracts from the common purpose of language which is communication. It's a very subtle art that blends form and function equally in poetry. I think one of my favorite old school poets with that ability was John Donne. He was lauded by T.S. Eliot for the same reason. But if ever I find the form constricting my expression or my ability to draw my reader into my world or the world of my poem I will be the first to sacrifice form for function. I not only do this with my writing but with my life as well. I want things that work first with the way they appeal to my senses being a secondary concern if I consider that at all. It's good to know that form lives and has its sycophants and supporters. But my teachers made me dissect so many sentences in grammar school, I never thought to check to see if my patients were alive or dead. Oh, the pyres of discarded cadavers left behind of our hearts and minds, it's saddening and shameful. The villanelle or villanesque is a form well suited to troubadours with lyres. It holds true to much of the form of ages old French song lyrics. It's nice to have a challenge to perk up one's interest or dedication to construction at times and you do this particular form justice with your offering here. But it holds for me little more than a passing appreciation; the way I might view an antique car on the highway...it looks cool, it sounds like a sewing machine running but I wouldn't dream of owning one as a daily driver. Just my thoughts.

[Crowley]

I’m with you but I see such great stuff and not knowing whether I could do it or not, wanted to try. I’m more of a stream of consciousness guy, although when I read you, you are in between, your thoughts very gathered, your writing very tight. I admire that. Thanks for reviewing, I am hoping your holiday seasons are fulfilling and that you are well my friend.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

You too, my friend, wishing you health and happiness. We had our annual Christmas parade here and our child brought home about five pounds of candy. A local photographer took her pic on the parade route. She's my little photogenic sweetheart. And she makes my old age sweet.

[Crowley]

They really do, I love that!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wonderfully natural and entertaining....and i admire also how Margie, Richard, Linda Marie and others are able to do form so well...
and make it click.
i also feel guilty sometimes about the way i write...and it is one of the reasons i take little credit for my own poetry...it flows from the muse through me like i am a conduit...and pretty much with little thought...i just do it...like Frank O'Hara, one of the Beats used to write...they come in bunches and just stream out of me....and other poets painstakingly put words together, revise and re=revise and re-re-revise...
and construct with such care...
i am not in their league...
this poem is a wake up call.
j.

[Crowley]

I’m with you....I rarely have more than a word, phrase or thought and I just run. This was difficult, not the words, but getting it just right and let me tell you slot of that was Richards help. Thanks!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, me too on that word, phrase or thought...yep.