Better Than I Am

I wish I was...

I might look better if you turn down the light love
Its quality makes my nonsense a gleaming halo
Humor, a cloaking sarong, falling loosely about worn out knees
Adding a splash of color, making me more, fancy

Walking along the road where the doves are singing their romantic praises
Until I pass, then just rustle with uneasiness in the fading light
I tell them to pardon my intrusion, just trying to fit in
My voice too loud, making me more, lonely

The neon light of the bar hums steadily red
Its promises of companionship, an overzealous marketing ploy
The seats at the counter are empty, save one, native woman
I don’t even register a glance, making me more, empty

The covers are stiflingly hot, my hair soaking my pillow
Again the light, hope you are interested in light, moonlight
Washes over my ordinary features, it won’t stay long
I drift into sleep in the dark, making me more, sickly

My dreams have me pushing a boulder up a mountain
And jumping from the top to the bottom in a single leap
She’s waiting at the bottom, looking at me with admiration
Here, I am better than I am, here I am more, manly

Author's Note

Is manly a good thing or a bad thing....as long as I'm not a pig, I think its a good thing.

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

Reading this, I feel more assured that men have different feelings in their bones. Being 'manly' isn't a bad thing, as long as your ego doesn't steal the spotlight. Big egos are huge turn-offs for some people and they can often become obnoxious over a short period of time. I enjoy a man who is able to properly communicate with me on an emotional level. If he makes me laugh, able to talk to me about anything at all, even skeletons which have been haunting him. I hope it isn't just me, but I don't focus so much on physical stature of a man, just knowing if he is able to express his soul to me in certain ways (if that makes sense). This was a beautiful piece and it gave me so much to look forward to in the future. To know that some men DO have and are able to express what goes through their minds.

[Crowley]

I agree with you on the ego part 100%. Men were born with a nature just like women, its what they do with that nature that separates them, I see more of what men should be in the world today, but history and convention are always going to be a stumbling block. Thanks so much!!!

[lightsong]

nothing would make You feel more manly like the look from Your beloved eyes, the light of that Love coming from that deep unknown place through these precious eyes, and believe me my friend it's the same for us women, from that look Your inner power flows, You are renewed and nothing for You seem impossible, You are better than the best, loving and believing in Yourself as You are... no one else to be but You, I love Your last verse, and the way You ended Your poem, a real fantastic one, that sets everything into its place.

Your questions, Your wonders, even Your confusing, all allowed, and I think when the man do ask them, feel them, it means he is connecting with his whole, the yin and yang inside him, of course, being a man he will most likely keep them all to himself :), but soon he is comfort and reassured inside the warmth of his love.

I see here the concepts of being a "real" man, from the gentlest sides, into the strongest toughest ones, great write my friend.

[Crowley]

I told my son growing up that I would support him in any endeavor he chose, but that there was only one thing I wanted him to be and that is a kind and compassionate human being, I am super lucky that he took that to heart and he is. I am super proud of him.

[lightsong]

like the father, like the son, anyone can feel that You are a very kind and compassionate "human being", yes to be a real "human being" is what matters.

I'm so sure he is as super proud as You are to be Your son.

[emmajoy]

You write so sincerely in this poem.. it really does seem as if YOU are speaking out instead of an urge to put something, anything, down as an offering. Feelings men have are so vast, so little boy-ish at times as if they're wary of expressing tender thoughts. Nowt wrong in that.. if it comes from you.. the human being, then.. you are more human than the others who.. just are - no more or less. Manly is all emcompassing and utterly permitted!

[Crowley]

It is hard to know how to act these days, but I find if you. Stay true to yourself and practice a little AEG control you are best. Thanks for the wonderful review Emma!!!

[An owl on the moon]

I can feel such an internal movement as the world rotates around you, taking you so deep into the life of you. Looking around you, seeing through your eyes, and wondering too what can make the ordinary become magic. I rather find dark depths so much more than shiny surfaces. Thank you for being just that, my friend.

[Crowley]

Dang Craig!!! Thank you so much, your review was delicious. I really appreciate it!

[An owl on the moon]

Wishing you a very delicious rest of October, my good friend! :)

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I think for people with our strong personalities and spirits...its hard to keep that perfect balance. I think Im beginning to fall into that feminine regime of the year where though Im bold, Im delicate..Some bloom in spring...some in fall and winter I guess...is manly ever too manly or feminine too fem?Hmmm

[Crowley]

Thanks Q!!! I think you are right about balance, and as to your last question, to yourself it doesn’t matter much. Only to some around you I think, but we don’t live for them do we?

[Onlyme]

Wonder poem, I think men are best just being true to themselves no matter who they are as faking we you are always comes out in the end. No matter who you are male or female. honesty best policy. Great write and read.

[Crowley]

Thanks Dawn, just got back in country, so sorry for the late response. I think you have the right idea of it for sure!!! thanks so much for the review!

[Onlyme]

My pleasure Crowley. Hope you had a nice time on vacation? Dawn.

[Alexandra]

Beautifully written, you took me on a journey through what it feels like to be you.
What a world we live in where good enough never really is.
One moment you can feel capable, the next the opposite; all the while influenced by the society and culture you live in. Mad, mad world.

My favourite part: The neon light of the bar hums steadily red
Its promises of companionship, an overzealous marketing ploy

- wonderfully put, promises of companionship; I can truly relate to this feeling,for me the hum of voices and music pouring out was my promise of companionship, living in small country village makes for a lack of neon lights!

You are a human being, forget a gender definition - human's feel and do what they feel and do; if what you feel and do makes other's smile, understand or appreciate - then you're doing it right!

If I watched a man push a boulder to the top of a mountain and jump off after it, he would be met with absolute shock horror, not admiration, as I try to comprehend why the hell he did it; make sure you love deeply, passionately argue; are sensitive, compassionate and true because all of which makes for a better you!

What is the definition of manly, anyway? Is it having horrid, stinky farts and inhaling them deeply? Cus every man I've met who was defined as 'manly' has that one defining quality.

[Crowley]

Sorry I was on Vacation for a week, so just got a chance to respond. Thanks you so much for the awesome review!!! And I hope that being manly does not mean smelling farts....lol!!! I am glad you enjoyed this, it makes me smile!!!

[sette]

there are times when we feel we are not giving it all in a relationship and call it weakness or even a liability but i can just termed it as a simple respite

[Crowley]

Good idea Sette....I like that. Thanks for stopping by!!!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

We do tend to feel so apologetic about ourselves sometimes. As if we need an excuse to be what we are. Being manly, I feel is more about being good with those who need sensitivity and decency and with some courage thrown in, you have a perfect man. Very convincingly written.

[Crowley]

Great points...and thank you so much for stopping by, I appreciate it!!!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

You're welcome Crowley. I like your writing a lot!

[Chris Shaw]

I was picking up feelings here of both loneliness and lack of confidence.Why turn down the light, Why would that make the author look better? That dream of pushing that boulder up the mountain and taking a leap, I wouldn't consider manly. I like to see the sensitive side of men, the side that tells me they are in tune with their feelings and that of others. The romantic side, give me anyday. When I think of manly, I think of a bloke propping up the bar on his third pint, with his mates, eyeing up the women. What a turn off (lol). Stay as you are, you'll go far.

Chris

[Crowley]

tat's exactly what this is about. I am not sad, and I feel manly, womanly, and everything in between all the time...lol. But when we put all of these weird pressures on what it is to be a man it gets really scrambled. sometimes I feel like I am less a man for doing or feeling one way, and more of a man the other. Good insight, don't be mad...its exactly the response I wanted to elicit!!!

[Chris Shaw]

Pleased to hear you made sense of my ramblings :)