San Francisco 1

 

Once up on a time… who am I kidding, I can’t begin to tell my tale with such silly first line. For what happened to me, was life changing in many more ways than one. My plan was to run away and to forget. At first it all went well, I ignored my past for one glorious week. I was in paradise, waking up each morning to do what I loved, there wasn’t a day that went by in which I didn’t pick up a pencil or a paint brush.

 

Something else awaited my heart, hidden in curtains of San Francisco fog. Now I must make clear, at the beginning, before I even begin the real tale. I was not a happy person, I don’t even think I was sane, but it only took a couple people to turn my heart to mush and put my existence upside down.

 

It all started as an innocent game, reading palms, I never thought that could do any harm. But by looking at the lines deeply etched in their hands, I saw that we were all alike, more alike than our fake facades were willing to admit. That realization made it harder to ignore the ghosts of my past; I could no longer play pretend with my heart. I could no longer blissfully live this pseudo halfass attempt of a life.

 

Damned be the day I read her hand, it looked like a carbon copy of my own. I could feel her pain in my soul. I am good liar, so was she, she fooled everyone into believing she was fine, but I saw right through her shield the minute she opened up her hand. All I wanted to do was sooth her, tell her it would be ok, wipe her tears when she silently cried at the dead of night. God, I made her cry, she cried because I knew her life. Broken sobs bordering hysteria, haunted my dreams at night, I felt the need to make her pain go away. It was a good attempt I made, but how could I really help others when I was so fucked up to begin with? Damned be that girl, I love her more that I could ever put into words, I worry and I care like I’ve never cared before. It feels weird to meet yourself in other person.

 

Screw my initial plan, I had to accept how not ok I was, it took a few days but I managed.