Going going gone.

Well, if this is the end of the world, I must say I'm surprised.
Surprised with surpressed surprision of made up words beggining with sur.
I'd at least hoped to share this with you, considering, you know, this is it. And considering this is all. And considering this is all there had ever been and ever will be and ever won't be and ever ever ever. But I can't; You won't. I'm not surprised with this, I must say. And this is lacking all the "sur" words I can think of. You've done this countless countable times that I've lost track of. I realize now, what I should've realized while there was still time. What I realized, I won't tell you though.
Because I lack the words that would explain.
So now, now that I stand here huddled with millions of other people, cramped together in the dark that burns and smells of smoke and flesh and fear, I try to find you. But I know, and I knew, and I've known all alone that you wouldn't be here. You have better people. You have her.
It's funny to hear everyone crying and screaming, gripping desperately at whatever they can, trying so hard to pull it together while falling apart faster than I've ever seen anyone fall apart in my life. And that's really really saying something, considering how often I've seen people collapse. I realize that I'll miss the beach and the grass and music and words.
Oh, how I'll miss words.
Though, it won't matter much. Considering the considerable considerability that we'll all be perpetually well, dead.
Perpetually dead. How silly.
They're all still crying, and I'm still standing, still trying to push my vision past it's limits to see through this smoke and tension. But I still don't see you. And now they're yelling "Jesus!" and I'm fighting laughter. "There is no Jesus here. He doesn't even care."
But they don't hear me. Instead, I scream. I scream and scream and hold it as loud as I can hoping somehow that you hear me, and somehow, you'll come back.
But I know, I know, I know and I knew and I've known that you've got better people. You've got her.
So, I'll enjoy this alone.