The Day When I Woke Up

A short story with thoughts of reawaken girl.

When killing people got accepted? When I was alive and young it was a really bad thing… Like even before I was born people who killed people got killed as punishment. Now they just kill and everyone is fine with it. And others are telling and encouraging for murdering innocent people. Like just week ago:

When I finally woke up from darkness I was in a large box. Not so large but enough large for me to lay there with comfort… if ignored that fact it was really dark and I scare darkness. I tried get off and hit my head. “Whose idea was to put me here..?” I was wondering. Well when finally kicked a hole top of that box…dirt fall in with worms n bugs. Ugh, I hated that moment. But somehow I managed to dig myself off from there to…graveyard. That was really confusing until remembered that I had been in hospital before got in darkness. Why though that’s what I couldn’t recall.

I was wandering around and city was empty which was really unusual. Where’s everyone? “I recognize this street… it’s near… umm, Oh, yes… home.” I see how female shoots running man. And I decide to hide immediately. While trying to get home, sneaky way which took like forever, I saw people fighting. Trying kill each others as it would be totally normal. Why they do that…? Almost everyone were kind of in peace during my lifetime. What have change?

But when I finally arrived it looked like poor. Like no one had took care of it while I was gone. “It has to be repainted and all… grass is also like in jungle. Why anyone haven’t respect this place at all?” Then I was going to step on front yard and behind window was someone staring at me. Not like “Yay! She’s back!” more like “What the f**k is she doing here..?” I couldn’t step in house because doors and other windows were barricaded. I stepped a bit back and tried to ask “Could you let me in? I’m starving… also missed you. Please…” but only voice I made was nonsense. Well, you try to talk in my condition. I have been away kind of while and not talking for maybe even years.

The window opened and person there was pointing me with gun. Something wasn’t right. Like I came back for you and got back alive. Walked many miles and then you point me with gun. What’s wrong with my fiancé?

While I’m going to north to get away from this city I keep thinking what just happened:

“Shoot her”, unknown girl to me tells him. I’m his fiancée. How she dares to say something like that. He seem confused. I’m only hurt. “I love you”, I tried to whisper but it wasn’t anything human kind voice. More like angry animal. His face have decision I can see that because I know him. “Leave or I’ll shoot.” I decided to leave. My tears aren’t tears. My face doesn’t work and look like mine. My body is fragile and some skin is left. I look disgusting… As I looked me from mirror at the center.

So what have I done during whole week after my fiancé and his female friend were going to shoot my brains off? Avoiding humans, any kind of them. More and less alive ones. Animals seem to avoid me… seems like I’m not that great deal to meet up. I get blackouts sometimes. Maybe because haven’t use brains during darkness. Like I can be walking and next thing I recognize is that I’m eating a dead person. So gross.

I have no other choice than carry on. Walk endlessly with these other restless souls forever and ever. Waiting their loved ones to hug and take care of us. But it won’t happen. The gap between us and them is growing more and more. I miss hugs and kisses. Even I never talked much… I miss ability to tell I care about them still even I have changed. We all understand these feelings among all of us. And sometimes some of us gets in groups and try to talk to them…and lose their lives.

Nowadays I have been thinking if I wasn’t able to get in heaven. Or did I get stuck in wrong place? I have heard about heaven and it isn’t only darkness and bugs and sadness. It shouldn’t be negative place at all. But how so many seem to be like me? I don’t feel heartbeats either. I’m like dead. Am I alive? Well I do think… and if I can believe in psychology at all I would say it means I’m not totally dead. How dead am I then? Well enough to others… even people who I love. I think I’m not denied from heaven and going to hell… Hell should be more terrible place and different. If this isn’t hell nor heaven, then what it is? Real life…? This sucks. I want to get home. But my home is stolen away from me.