I Am Damned

Days are longer, colder, harder

    Nights seem short, blunt and burdensome

 

Could there be a better way

       A more lovely way to live

 

I am as I am and barely am at that

     Does life mean that I am living

 

I am devoid of life

A ghost

A phantom

A shadow

A hollogram of a former being

A former self

A former love

A former friend

A former family

 

              I grow tired, weak, scared, wanting, needy

 

I turn to faith, to God, to the known Religions

 

Give me salvation, I am being damned

Give me love, I am hated

Give me peace, I am in internal war

 

I am being damned

  I tread on sins

  Make them my companions

  I do not commit adultery, but involve myself in his adultery

  I do not steal, but I take, without moral objection of theft

  I do not murder, yet I refuse to live fully, is this not suicide as well?

  I do not lie, but I create stories for myself

  I do not honor my mother, she honors a bottle and I hate her so

  I worship God, but have no image of him

  I worship a non-religious God, a personal God, is this lazy faith?

  I covet those who are in love, I am out of love, I am empty

     Sins..

 

I have faith, but no heaven

So what than do I have?

 

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

Dear Heido, I wish I'd read this earlier in my life. It finally puts into perspective how I've felt about such things in my own pesonal philosophy of life. Thank you not, just for sharing this, but for simply, being you.

In your debt.

Do you take I.O.U.'s?
Antonio :)

[Lightfalls]

This is how I feel but never could express with words like you did so perfectly here. Contrasting between keeping a law...while at the same time, having the the irony that our hearts are not in it; that makes us just as guilty -if not for what God has done.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are a amazing writer. This poem is powerful. So much strength in each line. We feel weak and useless sometime. Just need to find what we want to do with our life. Life is a pain in the a*s. My faith is laughter and try to make the people around me feel better. We need to look inside our own heart and mind. To discover some sort of peace. A outstanding poem. Made me think. Goal of a powerful writer.
Coyote