Hearts On Tight Sleeves

I can't seem to think anymore.

Its like everyone I've ever been

Is standing in

For the me walking in my door,

Grasping my hand.

 

She leads me to the sand,

Listening to crashing waves,

Searching for a safer way

To write out the blood on my hands,

And sketch peace somewhere in me.

 

And she takes her leave.

She lets me spin

With a black and red pen

Across these lines,

To scratch out my lie.

 

Well darling it's time.

She takes me home to my room,

I can smell her perfect perfume...

The one made by salt and sea.

So take me away, on the wave of poetry.

Reviews

[GTVile]

Wow! I saw the title and was wondering what it could be about. But this is creative, well written, grammatically correct, and well punctuated. More importantly though, it's an absolutely great metaphor. You have got an enchanting way with words here. That was freaking fantabulous. Great job. Probably one of the best pieces I've read in a while for sheer originality.

[SilentVerses]

Sweet and melodic, your tongue lends the pen such beautiful words of symphonic emotion, images dance and twirl through the metaphors in your stanzas and such simple elegance allows a blooming gem of truth to turn in the mistakes of your pen. Creating your own story you re-write the desires within the heart and make a place of serenity for self to hide, thrusting trust upon someone else you abandon and become free with your words you combine and fall into delicious dream-like waves of overflowing words and tales.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A beautiful title that caught my eye.
Your words and imagery draw the reader in.
And you write with honesty and sensitivity.

[Nothing Personal]

Oh this is Nice !! You have excelled in this exercise of the surreal. Leaves us with a wonderful note of despair but foolish optimism. The lack of an obvious ending leaves it with a great taste..Well done, Heidi

[sentimental~ galore]

really beautiful words, i was in the journey with you. i like the second to last line about the salt and sea...its really sweet, and i think your should enter it in a contest.

[Angela]

This actually made me suck in my breath! I try to point out specific lines that are my favorite, but I love it all. Great metaphor! Great talent. Looking forward to reading more of yours!

[Zoe Jay]

This is really good. I love the concept, the sense that this is a detached poem, descriptive, with your former self personified as someone who can lead, and comfort, your present self. That is a great metaphor and observation, very unusual, an brilliantly well executed. It is, of course, also a personification of poetry itself. I like the dual layers here. You don't labor the point, it is concisely written, neat, and insightful.

[KatiePie]

Reading this I got a "I need to get out of here, I wish I could jump into ever poem I've ever written" vibe. I loved this :) Good job Heidi.

[I've Killed Lions]

it's really beautiful... the words sweep me away

[MandaBear]

It's so beautiful. ... I just can't find the words.