Haiku Suite

sunshine filters in

robins share their happy songs

greatness all around

sunshine warms the earth

mourning doves meandering

squirrels run about

raindrops fall to earth

flora proudly standing tall

nature is renewed

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

A lovely haiku string my friend, just one little point if i may ...the alliteration between "mourning" and "meandering" is wonderful but using "ing" twice in such a small line is not very good in any kind of form.Maybe "mourning doves meander free" ? ,just a suggestion:)

[heavenscentgirl1]

Thanks for taking time to review this one Stella ~ I truly do appreciate it my friend.


Take care ~ blessings, 🙏
~ mj

[kitty]

Like your poem...life....friendships renewed. Thank you for posting those lovely words MJ.

[heavenscentgirl1]

Thank you so much Kitty, your kind words mean so much to me. I'm so glad to see you here my friend! 🌹

Blessings, 🙏
- mj

[Neville]

Hit nail on head
Written words now read
Smashing write enough said

[Great Aunt Astri]

I am not sure I agree with Stella about "mourning" and "meandering". I think the 'ings' work very well!
As for the three haikus, I think they work well together too, celebrating nature. I especially like the word 'renewed' as the last word in the suite. Thank you for sharing.

[William Liston]

Hello there : )
Very rarely do I read a haiku (or three) that use strong poetic language that actually pulls me in, but let me assure you, this did just that. This suite captures the beauty of the form in how it describes nature, sets a peaceful ambience, and maintains a creative brevity. I enjoyed your descriptions, your vocabulary, and your ability in making every line speak concisely and effectively ... you didn't waste a single syllable!
I assume you're new to this site, so welcome to WC. I look forward to reading more of your works.

- William Liston

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha ...i love your closing haiku ... at a "certain age" one may wish all it took to stand tall was to get caught in the rain ;) (but i am a dirty old man)
seriously .. these are so wistful, eloquent and inspiring ... i feel a peace and appreciation of nature in the reading ..so well done says i! very fine stuff!
E.
ps. i thought i was visiting Richards pages .. surprised to find it was not him .. a mistake i will make again Ms. heavenscent :)

[Richard🖌]

Well now, Mary Jo,
I would like to take this opportunity to warmly welcome you to the Café, and to say I hope you will enjoy it here and make many new friends and fans. Judging by this delightfully rendered suite of Haiku, I'd say you're well on your way.
What a lovely introduction to yourself, sharing one of the most challenging of Japanese forms there is, and I might add, in virtually perfect form, count, imagery, word and font choice, making a very appealing presentation for your new poet friends to enjoy.

Such a positive message and spiritually graceful ambience to please the mind's-eye and heart's soul … blessings and many thanks! ⁓ Richard : )


Finer points: Resist "the", "a", "and" words, using your keenly-creative poetic voice. Just message, if you'd like examples … I am always happy to lend a fine poetess my help. 😊

[heavenscentgirl1]

Richard, thanks so much for the warm welcome to the Café and I too hope that I'll make many new friends and enjoy it here.

It means a lot to me to receive such praise from you in review of the Haiku Suite, Sir. I'm glad to hear that the essence of my words came through as I had hoped that they would.

Again, thanks so much for your kind remarks in review and I'll be returning the favor.

Take care and have a blessed day my friend.

~ mj

PS: I made the necessary changes as you had suggested.

[Richard🖌]

'Twas a true pleasure. : )

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Love haiku - so this suite filled me with joy upon reading (x3)! Great use of connected subject matter! :-)

[heavenscentgirl1]

Phill, thanks so much for stopping by for a visit and it truly warms my heart to hear that this Haiku Suite filled you with Joy.

Blessimgs,
~ hsg

[Tony Jordan]

They all are pleasing to the mind's eye dear poet.

[heavenscentgirl1]

Tony, its a pleasure to have you visit my page and leave your words in review. Thank you very much ...

Blessings,
~ hsg

[a112yearoldman]

Your choice of words gives a beauty to the breaking day. Meandering fits perfectly. A perfect haiku set.
Well done, Hsg!

[heavenscentgirl1]

Thank you so much for your continued support my friend. It means a lot to me to receive your words in review.

Blessings,
~ hsg