Love

A Story by Jade Black

My first writing on here. Constructive criticism is welome..

Love

Love is complicated. We all know that. Some people say love is a feeling, but I think it is more of an emotion. It is not just something you feel physically, it is something that burns inside you. It is the feeling you get when you find the person who fills the empty holes in your heart.

I believe in love at first sight, and I also believe in TRUE love. I believe you can fall in love multiple times in your life, but there is no feeling like the feeling when you meet THE ONE. I believe there is always someone for everyone, no matter what path you choose. You might choose to leave your high school sweetheart behind while you go away to college. The person you swore you would be with forever, but once you enter the next stage of your life you might meet someone else. Someone who fills your heart maybe just a little bit more. Or you might choose to stay whit them. Whichever choice you make, there is someone to love and be loved by.

“So what does love feel like?” you might ask. Well, that is also complicated. The easiest way to describe what love feels like is by having experienced it. Love is always being on someone’s mind. No matter where you are or what you are doing, they are always there. You take time out of your day to remind them of how much they are on your mind or how much you care about them. Love is sacrificing little pieces of yourself or your life for them. Staying out just a little bit later because you love their company. Making any excuse to see them or talk to them. Love is being able to lay in the dark together and not talk, but still be content because you are there with the person that means the most to you.

You might wonder why I’m writing this. Well the answer is, I thought I felt this kind of real love, and perhaps I did. But, it is gone now and I am still not sure how to move on from that. I thought he was perfect. Well, he was perfect in my eyes. He had a mile that was more contagious than any disease, deep mysterious eyes that you couldn’t pull away from, and a voice that was soft enough to soothe even the most broken of hearts, but deep enough so that just the slightest word from him makes you shudder. He was wild and free and everything I wanted to be and feel.

We met at work. You might say that was a terrible mistake on my part and you might be right but youre getting ahead of the story. The first time I saw him I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He would catch me staring all too many times, but it didn’t seem to bother him. He would just smile back and keep to himself. This went on for a few months. One day everything felt different though. He came into the office when I was the only one there and we got lost in conversation. Eventually he went home but I needed more of his presence, of his voice, of his conversation.

Social media makes it all too easy to connect with people you don’t even really know, and that is exactly what it did. We started talking day and night, I hid him from my friends, my family, my boyfriend… Yes, I had a boyfriend. But, I thought he was the one. Eventually I wanted him to be my only, so I left my boyfriend. Things were really bad where I was living, so he became my escape. He was my drug, my liquor, my vice. I found myself spending many nights out away from home until 5 in the morning. I got lost in his company. Many movies were watched in the time we were together. They connected us, along with our shared love and taste in music. He learned about all of my secrets and I heard all of his stories. The more we talked and the more time we spent together the harder I fell for him.

I suppose it’s time for me to let out another secret about our relationship. He was engaged and had 3 beautiful children. Whenever I saw him at work though, he looked sad, alone, like he wanted out of his present life. I guess I took it upon myself to try and fix that, even though it wasn’t my place. But, that’s me. I’m a fixer, always have been.

Up to this point in our relationship I hadn’t really explained to him how I felt. But, one drunken night that all changed. I expected my feelings to scare him off. I prepared for rejection and hurt. But, it didn’t come. He seemed to embrace my feelings. In fact he told me how much he shared those same feelings. This changed our relationship significantly. We became even more connected than we were before. Our conversations grew more intense, and so did the physical aspect of our relationship.

The first time we touched, it was instant flames. His body was strong. I could feel his muscles expanding against me, and his kiss was full of passion I had never felt before. When it was over he kissed me goodnight so gently, just the touch of his lips made me feel safe. I could feel the tingling sensation of his love for hours after. This night was the first of many more.

But, our relationship was not just sexual. We had many tender physical moments. As I mentioned before, movies were sort of “our thing”. We spent many late nights watching movies each other suggested. Our bodies tangled up together but purely innocent. I always felt safe in those moments. His strong arms wrapped around me tightly, not letting go for anything. His hand on my thigh, letting me know that he adored my body without ruining the moment. My head on his chest, listening to his heart beat, the change in pace when I would rub his chest or look up at him in the light of the TV. The way my heart would flutter and a goofy smile would form on my face when he would gently kiss the top of my head from time to time. I miss those nights more than anything..

One night, we went for a drive, and even though we barely touché the whole night, just sitting beside him felt perfect. Just listening to the radio, singing along with him and talking about our lives and where we wanted them to be was everything I could ask for. That was one of the best memories I had had in a long time. When the night came to an end it was almost heart breaking.

Unfortunately, the end of our journey together came soon after that. On our last night together, we made love with so much passion I can still feel it when I’m alone. Two hours of passion, we moved around the room. It was almost like we both knew it would be our last night together. When it was over and I left, I could already feel the hole he left in my heart beginning to form. We continued talking for a few more weeks, but then some things happened that made the spark die. He chose her over me just like deep down I knew you he would. Sometimes while I’m alone in bed or in the car if I concentrate really hard I can still see his face in my mind. But, now he has almost completely faded from my memory and it hurts.. More than anyone will ever know.

So this goes out to the one I loved. I never got a chance to tell you how I really felt in the end, but I loved you, and you shattered my heart into pieces so small I can’t put them back together completely. My heart is haphazardly stitched up and I’m faking my way through life right now and you aren’t even here to see what you did to me. So hopefully this is the last thing I will ever have to say about you.. Goodbye..