A lovely, very visual poem, Dhaye,
We sit on the sand still you hold my hand
The love and the romance are our own magic wands
is a bit troublesome, though as HAND and WAND (which rhymes with POND) don't rhyme, but I think you could rearrange it to work, something like:
Like magic wands you're holding my hand,
love and romance as we sit in the sand,
This would keep the words and flow, and since you mention SAND with does rhyme with HAND, that would work. Other than that, it is a lovely piece that makes you want to be on a beach.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Lol. I overlooked that part, Eddie.
Thank you for pointing it out. I will edit it now. Thank.. read moreLol. I overlooked that part, Eddie.
Thank you for pointing it out. I will edit it now. Thanks for the suggested couplet. God bless!
this is lyrical loveliness at it's best...you perfectly captured the seductive spell
of the sea...I believe we {most}…all fall under. very tender write that
brightens the reader's heart with a kiss. love the romantic word weaving
that makes your mind dance. beautiful ink drops your pen spills,
Dhaye. thank you for sharing
~ X - barrie
A lovely, very visual poem, Dhaye,
We sit on the sand still you hold my hand
The love and the romance are our own magic wands
is a bit troublesome, though as HAND and WAND (which rhymes with POND) don't rhyme, but I think you could rearrange it to work, something like:
Like magic wands you're holding my hand,
love and romance as we sit in the sand,
This would keep the words and flow, and since you mention SAND with does rhyme with HAND, that would work. Other than that, it is a lovely piece that makes you want to be on a beach.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Lol. I overlooked that part, Eddie.
Thank you for pointing it out. I will edit it now. Thank.. read moreLol. I overlooked that part, Eddie.
Thank you for pointing it out. I will edit it now. Thanks for the suggested couplet. God bless!
ahh, a very beautiful piece... it makes love easy to achieved... though it requires hard work and passionate dedication...like always, you've been as romantic as i remember pretty friend...
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
It really requires hard work and passionate dedication but it's worth it. You won't really understan.. read moreIt really requires hard work and passionate dedication but it's worth it. You won't really understand that unless you find true love.
Thank you, Pax.
8 Years Ago
i know right, i don't even know how love feels like at times... and you're very welcome, Dhaye...
Hello! I am Dhaye, a public secondary school teacher, a passionate artist "married" to her dream.
I write in different perspectives. So please know NOT all my works are about me.
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