LOVE ME AGAIN (Rondeau)

A collaboration with Aethereal

Photo from: Photobucket.com

Love me again, I'll give my everything
Give me your heart, and I’ll take the love you bring
We’ll set the world where we don’t see the past
We’ll sail the sea with our love’s stronger mast--
We’ll feel the breeze like the songs of love we sing.

So love me, dear, and let our heartstrings cling
Through all our Winters, Summers, and Springs
So take my hand, you’re mine again at last!
Love me again...

We’ll be as two doves flying wing to wing
To our celestial throne as queen and king
Where soft angelic clouds may off-broadcast
A love that's deeper than the stars, so vast
As vibrant harp strings mimic each heartstring
Love me again...

Author's Note

Rondeau

A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).


Credits to: www.shadowpoetry.com

Reviews

[Aethereal]

Intriguing love poem! “Past” and “last” don’t rhyme with “dust“, “must“, and “lust“. The word “song” should be “songs” in line five. Line four is hard to understand.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hmnn..why intriguing? There are lots of couple who said "goodbye" yesterday but they are "saying "hello" and "welcome home" today.
I have to change only past and last. Line 4 means "we'll sail (the sea of life) with the love that never ends (last)...but anyway I have to change lines 3 and 4.
Thanks.

[Aethereal]

It's intriguing because I have no idea how someone may love someone else. Isn't love inspired and not given? Love is a mood that you feel deep inside of yourself. It may or may not have been inspired by another. If it is inspired by another, then someone else helps you to feel the mood of love, but that isn't the same as loving someone. The object of one’s love is the one who inspires it, and so you enjoy having that person near you. Nothing is given or taken. I'll tell someone that they make me feel the mood of love when I'm near them, but I'm not giving them anything at all by doing this. I'm only helping myself to a good experience.

[Aethereal]

On your rewrite there are only nine syllables in your fourth line. "Ocean" may replace "sea" if your meter is 0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1 ten syllable where "1" is an accent, but this meter isn't the same throughout your poem.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Because love's has already 's, I counted stronger as 2 syllables. If it is wrong then I'll replace the sea with ocean.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Adding "our" gives a better flow. Thanks.

[Aethereal]

This is much improved, but you still haven’t kept the ten syllable 0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1 meter throughout this poem that you began with whereby "0" is a non-accent and "1" is an accent. This poem would flow much better and sing like a song if you would. Your seventh line breaks into a new meter with a hard accent on the word Summer, a "1" instead of a "0".

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Altered now the 7th line. You're a blessing, Ae! Thanks. =)

[Aethereal]

You still haven’t followed 0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1/0/1 ten syllable meter in your last two verses. You may have these two gift poems as examples to do with as you please: The first fit’s the first two lines of your second verse and the second is a rewrite of your last verse: Heartstring may be pronounced either way with a hard accent on either “heart” or “string“.

So love me dear and let our heartstrings sing
through all our Winters, Summers on through Spring.



We’ll be as two doves flying wing to wing
to our celestial throne as queen and king
where soft angelic clouds may oft-broadcast
a love that’s deeper than the stars are vast
as vibrant harp strings mimic each heartstring.
Love me again.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

The 4th line ends with sing already.

[Aethereal]

Use this rewrite for the forth line: “We’ll feel the breeze like songs of love that cling.” Or if you want to, then change the other line to: “So love me dear and let our heartstrings cling” Leaving “sing” in the other.

[Aethereal]

You still haven’t followed 0/1/0/1/0/1/0/10/1 ten syllable meter in your last two verses. You may have these two gift poems as examples to do with as you please: The first fit’s the first two lines of your second verse and the second is a rewrite of your last verse: Heartstring may be pronounced either way with a hard accent on either “heart” or “string“.
At the beginning of the second verse:
So love me dear and let our heartstrings cling
through all our Winters, Summers on through Spring.
For the last verse:
We’ll be as two doves flying wing to wing
to our celestial throne as queen and king
where soft angelic clouds may oft-broadcast
a love that’s deeper than the stars are vast
as vibrant harp strings mimic each heartstring.
Love me again.

[Aethereal]

This would be perfect if you added a sixth line to the last verse such as "a love much deeper than the stars are vast" after broadcast.

[Rose Black]

It's really beautifull the flow is really god

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks a lot, Rose.

[Great Aunt Astri]

A well executed piece of work (with music and picture.) 'No other feelings but the love we bring.' Well done.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, GAA.

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

Beautifully romantic! You've outdone yourself with this one, Daisie! Thank you for sharing!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thanks, Michael. Rondeau is such a nice poetry form especially if you have chosen an effective refrain. God bless you!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh so very romantic writing, I am mesmerized by your divine verses.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you!

[Rachelle]

I am learning from you everyday, Sis!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Glad you learned something from my page. Thanks for the read, sis. =)

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

This poem is so sweet, I love it. :-) :-)

Kaze~

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Thank you, K. I'll go back to your page soon. =)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome. :-)

[Eddie Davis]

Once again, a nice learning experience, thank you, Dhaye.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

I'm the one who should thank you a lot. =)

[Eddie Davis]

Not at all, you have taught me the mechanics of poems, which is something we really didn't learn very deeply in school here. We read Shakespeare and Poe, and other classic works, but we didn't really learn how to write poems. I would say we all missed out.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Ah, yes. In my Literature subject, we just studied about the life of the poet, the brief history and description, and the interpretation of the poem...not how to write a poem.

[gabrielle]

My favorite love poem is Neruda's Sonnet XVII and the last line of this poem somehow reflects the concept in there. Thank you for sharing =)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Ma-research nga yung sinasabi mong poem. Hehe.

That's my first attempt in writing a Rondeau. Thanks for reading, Gabrielle. Hehe.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

I've read it. Modern sonnet pala sya. Ganda. =)