A amazing poem. I tell the young people. We decide our journey. Good and bad. We will have to make many hard decisions in a life. I like the way you led to the positive ending. If we go with hope and love. The direction should take us to a good place. Thank you for sharing the beautiful and hopeful poem.
Coyote
A amazing poem. I tell the young people. We decide our journey. Good and bad. We will have to make many hard decisions in a life. I like the way you led to the positive ending. If we go with hope and love. The direction should take us to a good place. Thank you for sharing the beautiful and hopeful poem.
Coyote
Dhaye ... This is very touching .... I noticed a sudden or gradual change in your motif. I noticed that God is now being acknowledge and included in some of your piece. A very obvious change. By the way " Lead Me Lord " was one if not my most favorite gospel song. It has been my battle cry. Whatever setbacks we experience. We will come out strong and refreshed and renewed on the other side... Thanks for sharing this inspiring piece.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Hey, AU. It seems that you don't know I am working on a book entitled VOICE OF FAITH. And this one w.. read moreHey, AU. It seems that you don't know I am working on a book entitled VOICE OF FAITH. And this one will go there as a chapter. LOL
Thanks for showing yourself again...GHOST! LOL
10 Years Ago
Ok let me know if there's anything i can help you with... thats my affinity
10 Years Ago
Help??? What about that request too long ago? Where's the new version of my poem? LOL. I have a wish.. read moreHelp??? What about that request too long ago? Where's the new version of my poem? LOL. I have a wish list here, but give me first the one before I get mad. LOL
10 Years Ago
LOL ...mahina na ako sa tagalog Dhaye....parang calculus eh
Eh, di just edit my English version. I have it naman di ba? I said Christmas vacation...baka umabot .. read moreEh, di just edit my English version. I have it naman di ba? I said Christmas vacation...baka umabot ng summer vacation?
Hindi ka makakalabas ng buhay dito pag di mo natapos yun. LOL
Ha! You don't know what you are saying. I'm best alien here. LOL. Ikaw, I know your alien status...... read moreHa! You don't know what you are saying. I'm best alien here. LOL. Ikaw, I know your alien status....but you don't know mine...LOL. Sa iyo ako natuto ng challenge-challenge na yan. Read Pax's review to me. It's a challenge also. Everytime we review to each other...it's a challenge na. LOL
As soon as we open our eyes, we are immediately confronted with choices from the simplest choices of black or with cream coffee, slacks, dress or skirts for office or flat or with heels shoes to the more heavier ones such as those relating to life changing decisions. i think that the ability to make decisions or to make a choice is one of the greatest power given to us as it give us the absolute control of our lives. There are times that we are reluctant to decide because we don't know the outcome of our choices-- there's no absolute guarantee that the result we expected before making the choice would be the actual outcome. But as you beautifully mentioned in here, we need not be afraid to take a road for someone is guiding us along the way--only that we need to accept and acknowledge it. This piece again made me reflect...and the music..beautiful..
The first lines makes a better quote. And the title reflects us so much in the matters of our choices. In life there is a series of pathways, and choices takes an important part in our daily lives.
“My walk depends on how
I carry my loads on my aching back”
Reminds me so much that we do carry our own baggage. And what’s inside are the things we always hold on into like – insecurities, problems, mistakes – past or present, sadness, pain, some happiness and many more excessive burdens. I guess what I saying now is that all of us carries luggage’s either we bring it along or carry it in our back.
Now before you proceed on the next words of what I have to say in this review, prepare the ice –lol, but in seriousness, please don’t be mad at me, you knew me naman diba, what I do here is for the better…. :)
On the second stanza, you leave us in hanging. I am not sure if the wounds were healed or not or does it continue to made the person in the piece sick?
Even though on the third stanza you were somehow vague, the next stanza compensates it, I guess. Hearing another calling, another chance without solving the other. Well I guess in life, some problems takes time, so as of the moment if there is a chance and another choice to make. We will take it to give us time.
“Comes out my way, I need to tame”
Another vague end of the fourth stanza. To tame what?
Life is full of games. Play it well and good – but never step on your opponent, or else greater consequences awaits. Life is a game, but it is never a competition with others. It is a competition within – of who’s gonna win, your good or bad sides.
Now, sorry pretty friend, now I am confuse about the fifth stanza. A challengers comes along, and there is a man begging( is he a challenger also?).
Now the six stanza gives me the impression that you to a poor man’s soul first than the challenger.
Ahh, the signature rain – that you I know. The seventh stanza gives me an image of you helping the one who is in pain, that you give joy and that’s what matters to you.
Ahh yes the 8th stanza speaks or empathy towards the poor man. That you reflected on the past self, to the old rough roads you once passed. To give a feeling that this poor man is not alone, alone in this wide road.
The 9th stanza makes me question who is this human now? Is it the poor man from the previous stanza? If so why would you question the poor man? Did he shove out your help?
From the 9th stanza till the end, for me it’s hard to connect to the 1st till the 8th stanza. Because it is all introspection now, all question about what you’ve done – is it wrong or right, good or bad…
All in all the piece is really good, but there are some plot holes or just hanging moments without proper end.
Our everyday life is a journey, there will always be a road to choose from. Choices that makes us bleed or heal. As long as we have our faith in him and on ourselves, we are on the right track of our daily lives.
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Okay, my dear brother...Prepare some ice bags near you because I am going to make you mad at this ti.. read moreOkay, my dear brother...Prepare some ice bags near you because I am going to make you mad at this time. LOL
"On the second stanza, you leave us in hanging. I am not sure if the wounds were healed or not or does it continue to made the person in the piece sick?"--- I SAID, ONCE...THAT MEANS ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE CHOSEN A TRICKY WAY OR PATH. I'M JUST TELLING HERE MY PAST. AH, YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY. LOL
PAX= MINUS 1
DHAYE= 1 POINT
THAT'S WHY ON THE NEXT VERSE, IT'S ABOUT THE PRESENT DAY NA. SOMEONE IS CALLING FOR HELP...IT'S NOW MY CHANCE TO HELP. HEHE.
PAX= MINUS 2
DHAYE= 2 POINTS
FOUTH VERSE:
THE CHALLENGER I'M REFERRING TO IS THE ONE WHO'S BLOCKING MY WAY...SO I HAVE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON THAT HE SHOULD NOT BLOCK THE WAY BECAUSE I HAVE A SPECIAL MISSION TO DO.
PAX= MINUS 3
DHAYE= 3 POINTS
"Now, sorry pretty friend, now I am confuse about the fifth stanza. A challengers comes along, and there is a man begging( is he a challenger also?)."----MY CONCEPT IS ABOUT THE CROSSROAD...SO I'M GIVING YOU THIS SCENE: I AM FACING A CROSSROAD, I HAVE CHOSEN ONE ON MY LEFT (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) AND ENCOUNTERED A CHALLENGER. THEN WHEN I LOOK ON THE OTHER ROAD (THAT MEANS, I AM NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE I STARTED) ,THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CALLS FOR A HELP.
PAX= MINUS 4
DHAYE=4 POINTS
NOW, DO YOU NEED MORE ICE BAGS? LOL.
THANKS FOR THIS 1-KILOMETER WINDING ROAD...OOPPS...1 KILOMETER CONFUSION. LOL.
Thanks a lot, my dear baby brother. I enjoyed reading your take on this.
10 Years Ago
P.S.
"The 9th stanza makes me question who is this human now? Is it the poor man from the prev.. read moreP.S.
"The 9th stanza makes me question who is this human now? Is it the poor man from the previous stanza? If so why would you question the poor man? Did he shove out your help?"
IN THIS POEM I AM TELLING A STORY TO ALL, TO THE HUMANKIND...TO THE READERS...THAT'S WHY IN THE 9TH VERSE (AFTER TELLING THE STORIES FROM 1ST TO THE 8TH VERSES) I AM ASKING THESE QUESTIONS:
"Now, human can you tell me
Have I done wrong?
When I have chosen
To sing it loud, my best one song?
Did I choose and have
The right one and best for all?
Did I hear
The real voice of those who call?"
I'M ASKING THE READERS TO MAKE AN ASSESSMENT OF WHAT I HAVE DONE...IF I'VE MADE THE RIGHT OR THE WRONG CHOICE.
PAX= MINUS 5
DHAYE= 5 POINTS
THANK YOU ONCE MORE FOR THE POINTS, DEAR BABY BROTHER! MORE ICE, MORE ICE! LOL.
In that way you didn’t get my point again… Like in any other story or narrative story poem, clarity is important. From admitting this (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) alone makes it clear to me you didn’t clarify all.
I SAID, ONCE...THAT MEANS ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE CHOSEN A TRICKY WAY OR PATH. I'M JUST TELLING HERE MY PAST. AH, YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY. LOL – ahh you didn’t see my point again… I know you are telling about this past, that is clear in the stanza. You say :
Too many wounds that
I haven't escape, they made me sick
- from the phrase – I haven’t escape – alone, you are telling that you still there on that very same road…
Atleast sana sinabi mo on the next stanza like this:
Now I am facing yet again at
Another crossing, another choice
Now Pax plus 5
Dhaye minus 3
FOUTH VERSE:
THE CHALLENGER I'M REFERRING TO IS THE ONE WHO'S BLOCKING MY WAY...SO I HAVE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON THAT HE SHOULD NOT BLOCK THE WAY BECAUSE I HAVE A SPECIAL MISSION TO DO.
~ OH I see but yet again you are unclear… I need to tame – sometimes you need to be specific, not just following the rhyme.. to anyone who blocks the way shall be tame or tamed. Or When a challenger Comes out my way, he/she shall be tame
Now Pax plus 7
Dhaye minus 5
MY CONCEPT IS ABOUT THE CROSSROAD...SO I'M GIVING YOU THIS SCENE: I AM FACING A CROSSROAD, I HAVE CHOSEN ONE ON MY LEFT (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) AND ENCOUNTERED A CHALLENGER. THEN WHEN I LOOK ON THE OTHER ROAD (THAT MEANS, I AM NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE I STARTED) ,THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CALLS FOR A HELP.
--- so by not mentioning you have chosen a road – means your clarity is really blurry. So to shorten the my explanation here -
As I chosen this road, I heard a call
What shall I do?
Could I resist when there I see?
A poor man lying there
On the other road begging at me?
now Pax earns big points : plus 10
while Dhaye loses 8 points.
NOW, DO YOU NEED MORE ICE BAGS? Nope, but I do think you needed more…LOL
Ok the nine stanza is clear, so no minus to you, just to me…
In that way you didn’t get my point again… Like in any other story or narrative story poem, clarity is important. From admitting this (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) alone makes it clear to me you didn’t clarify all.
I SAID, ONCE...THAT MEANS ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE CHOSEN A TRICKY WAY OR PATH. I'M JUST TELLING HERE MY PAST. AH, YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY. LOL – ahh you didn’t see my point again… I know you are telling about this past, that is clear in the stanza. You say :
Too many wounds that
I haven't escape, they made me sick
- from the phrase – I haven’t escape – alone, you are telling that you still there on that very same road…
Atleast sana sinabi mo on the next stanza like this:
Now I am facing yet again at
Another crossing, another choice
Now Pax plus 5
Dhaye minus 3
FOUTH VERSE:
THE CHALLENGER I'M REFERRING TO IS THE ONE WHO'S BLOCKING MY WAY...SO I HAVE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON THAT HE SHOULD NOT BLOCK THE WAY BECAUSE I HAVE A SPECIAL MISSION TO DO.
~ OH I see but yet again you are unclear… I need to tame – sometimes you need to be specific, not just following the rhyme.. to anyone who blocks the way shall be tame or tamed. Or When a challenger Comes out my way, he/she shall be tame
Now Pax plus 7
Dhaye minus 5
MY CONCEPT IS ABOUT THE CROSSROAD...SO I'M GIVING YOU THIS SCENE: I AM FACING A CROSSROAD, I HAVE CHOSEN ONE ON MY LEFT (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) AND ENCOUNTERED A CHALLENGER. THEN WHEN I LOOK ON THE OTHER ROAD (THAT MEANS, I AM NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE I STARTED) ,THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CALLS FOR A HELP.
--- so by not mentioning you have chosen a road – means your clarity is really blurry. So to shorten the my explanation here -
As I chosen this road, I heard a call
What shall I do?
Could I resist when there I see?
A poor man lying there
On the other road begging at me?
now Pax earns big points : plus 10
while Dhaye loses 8 points.
NOW, DO YOU NEED MORE ICE BAGS? Nope, but I do think you needed more…LOL
Ok the nine stanza is clear, so no minus to you, just to me…
In that way you didn’t get my point again… Like in any other story or narrative story poem, clarity is important. From admitting this (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) alone makes it clear to me you didn’t clarify all.
I SAID, ONCE...THAT MEANS ONCE IN MY LIFE I HAVE CHOSEN A TRICKY WAY OR PATH. I'M JUST TELLING HERE MY PAST. AH, YOU DON'T SEE IT THAT WAY. LOL – ahh you didn’t see my point again… I know you are telling about this past, that is clear in the stanza. You say :
Too many wounds that
I haven't escape, they made me sick
- from the phrase – I haven’t escape – alone, you are telling that you still there on that very same road…
Atleast sana sinabi mo on the next stanza like this:
Now I am facing yet again at
Another crossing, another choice
Now Pax plus 5
Dhaye minus 3
FOUTH VERSE:
THE CHALLENGER I'M REFERRING TO IS THE ONE WHO'S BLOCKING MY WAY...SO I HAVE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON THAT HE SHOULD NOT BLOCK THE WAY BECAUSE I HAVE A SPECIAL MISSION TO DO.
~ OH I see but yet again you are unclear… I need to tame – sometimes you need to be specific, not just following the rhyme.. to anyone who blocks the way shall be tame or tamed. Or When a challenger Comes out my way, he/she shall be tame
Now Pax plus 7
Dhaye minus 5
MY CONCEPT IS ABOUT THE CROSSROAD...SO I'M GIVING YOU THIS SCENE: I AM FACING A CROSSROAD, I HAVE CHOSEN ONE ON MY LEFT (THOUGH I DIDN'T MENTION IT) AND ENCOUNTERED A CHALLENGER. THEN WHEN I LOOK ON THE OTHER ROAD (THAT MEANS, I AM NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE I STARTED) ,THERE'S SOMEONE WHO CALLS FOR A HELP.
--- so by not mentioning you have chosen a road – means your clarity is really blurry. So to shorten the my explanation here -
As I chosen this road, I heard a call
What shall I do?
Could I resist when there I see?
A poor man lying there
On the other road begging at me?
now Pax earns big points : plus 10
while Dhaye loses 8 points.
NOW, DO YOU NEED MORE ICE BAGS? Nope, but I do think you needed more…LOL
Ok the nine stanza is clear, so no minus to you, just to me…
Hehe, ayan, pwede na ata akong manalo..hehe
10 Years Ago
NO no no! You can't beat me, baby brother! In poetry, shouldn't always have to be that too transpare.. read moreNO no no! You can't beat me, baby brother! In poetry, shouldn't always have to be that too transparent. That's why we are using literary devices...some words have hidden meanings. Now, if you are questioning the clarity...I will tell you again...it depends upon how the reader interpret it. If that's the way how you interpret it and you are confused because it's not clear to you, it's not my problem anymore because that's the way you look at it. LOL
You cannot question the style or the way a poem is delivered unless the grammar is wrong. This is not a story where you can impose what you want to happen in it. LOL
I think you have to put the ice bag now on your head. LOL
Dhaye= 20 points
Pax = -20 points
10 Years Ago
no, no, no indeed. I know what poetry does, that is why we used metaphor and imagery... or any other.. read moreno, no, no indeed. I know what poetry does, that is why we used metaphor and imagery... or any other elements of poetry... but you didn't used any i think or again you did it on a fast track like the way you do in your stories...hehe... but okay, to end the long long debate, i surrender, minus 20 on me...hehe :)
10 Years Ago
Hahaha! Yes! I made him surrender. When it comes to stories I assure you, it's easy for me to accept.. read moreHahaha! Yes! I made him surrender. When it comes to stories I assure you, it's easy for me to accept corrections. But in a poem, hearing something that the lines were not clear, I will fight for it until my last breath. LOL. We all know that each of us has that different way of viewing a word, a line, a verse or the whole poem. Different interpretations. Different levels of satisfaction.
You looked at this as a piece without any element of poetry used? Think before you speak, baby brother! Elements of poetry include form, line, stanzas, rhyme, pattern, rhythm, euphony and poetic devices like the figures of speech. Now, if you haven't seen any of them here in my piece, you don't understand those elements. LOL
It's just fair that you accept your defeat!
10 Years Ago
well it is pointless if you didn't get my point so better I surrender...bwahahaha... LOL
10 Years Ago
You don't understand the elements of poetry. LOL
10 Years Ago
But thanks for the surrender. I guess you don't have enough ice bags...that's why you surrender. Heh.. read moreBut thanks for the surrender. I guess you don't have enough ice bags...that's why you surrender. Hehehe
10 Years Ago
I'm too tired and I just came from stressful activity and travel...but I just get in here because of.. read moreI'm too tired and I just came from stressful activity and travel...but I just get in here because of this challenge. You really made me happy in accepting your defeat. Hak hak!
10 Years Ago
LOL..kakatuwa naman kayo.. have a blessed evening to both =)
Hehehe. Ewan nga, Gab. Hindi na siguro mawawala yang challenge namin ni Pax. Mula noong makapag-adju.. read moreHehehe. Ewan nga, Gab. Hindi na siguro mawawala yang challenge namin ni Pax. Mula noong makapag-adjust na kami, wala ng pikunan sa comments...though totoo talaga magkaiba ang views namin ng halimaw na baby brother na yan. LOL. Dati nga sa FB, ang haba ng thread na parang WC na nangyari. ICE lang ang katapat nyan. Hehehe. Good eve! =)
10 Years Ago
i am glad gab that you are enjoying this exchange of conversation with slightly very different views.. read morei am glad gab that you are enjoying this exchange of conversation with slightly very different views...bwahaha...LOL
10 Years Ago
Psst! I have a present to you at your page. Get it before it expire. LOL
Hello! I am Dhaye, a public secondary school teacher, a passionate artist "married" to her dream.
I write in different perspectives. So please know NOT all my works are about me.
.. more..