OH, YOUTH (Couplets)

A collaboration with Neil Aranda

Oh, youth, I know you're really young at heart
Holding your fervor, unripe from the start.

You may answer all the questions with pride
But words maybe kept to show or to hide.

Baby, you are young and yet you don't know
There are many forests where rivers flow

But those that can bathe, I say, rare and few
Only the tenacious can bear the stew.

Too many crossroads I have seen and passed
But that doesn't mean I have won the mass.

Too many books I have read and grasped
But that doesn't mean I'll ask for a clap.

There are paintings that do not always show
The color to depict with afterglow.

You see some flowers to be beautiful
But once you hold them, they can be painful.

There are some blooms  that seem wild to the eyes
But one touch can reveal where weakness lies.

I won't let you ever take the wrong turn
And I won't  let you be the one to burn.

But why I feel you didn't realize
That I care for you, is this a fair prize?

Oh, little boy, please always remember
I am your mother, I am your mother.

Why can't you see I'm always here to guide?
Oh, youth, when will you see me at your side?

Author's Note

A couplet is a pair of lines of meter in poetry. Couplets usually consist of two lines that rhyme and have the same meter. A couplet may be formal (closed) or run-on (open). In a formal (or closed) couplet, each of the two lines is end-stopped, meaning that there is a grammatical pause at the end of a line of verse. In a run-on (or open) couplet, the meaning of the first line continues into the second.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couplet

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

We only want what is best for our children. We want to give them the wisdom of our years and make sure they do not endure the hardships we have. The truth is, though, they must live their own lives and in order to believe the wisdom of our words, they must exeperience some of the very things we wish they could avoid. Your couplets are well written and filled with not only wisdom, but great images. I especially liked this one, "There are some blooms that seem wild to the eyes
But one touch can reveal where weakness lies." Wonderful! Lydi**

[Dhaye]

Thank you so much, Lydi.

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

I don't know what it's like to be a parent but you depicted it extremely well in this poem. This is a very eye-opening piece, Dhaye!

[Dhaye]

Being a teacher is to become a parent of many children in the school. Each must be lead to the right direction. Their fall is my fall. Their victory is also mine. It's a great OJT for someone who wants to become a parent, isn't it? lol

Thank you so much, Michael. Glad you visited my page.

[Tate Morgan]

We are not perfect But we do the best we can it is not to much to ask that we do it with a love to share

[Dhaye]

Thanks, tate.

[Tom]

A mother's love is a most powerful, binding emotion !

A pleasing, paternal pleasantry !

[Dhaye]

Thanks so much, Tom.

[NeiL ArandA]

Dhaye thank you so much for this experience
to work hand in hand with a legend
Its really quite exhilarating
A novice and a mentor working in tandem.

~ The Lonely Sparrow ~

[Dhaye]

Thank you, Mr. Neil Aranda, my Mentor...as I am the Novice in this piece. Please keep on helping other writers with your gift. God bless you.

[Coyote Poetry]

I knew before I had children. Children make us weaker. We feel our children victories and losses. After the birth of a child. They become part of us. Artwork and words told a real story. I wanted a early death and now my children keep me struggling to stay around and protect. I enjoyed the story and the emotion in the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Dhaye]

Thanks, CP. This is not really for my "child" but for my "students" whom I give my love and concern.

[NeiL ArandA]

I'm back at home from work Dhaye. Hope you're still there
I won't let you be burnt in the wrong turn
And I won't let you be the one to burn.

Ok " I won't ever let you take the wrong turn
And I won't let you be the one to burn

Ok sonnet style

[Dhaye]

Yes, Neil. I'm here at school because I'm training my students for their NC 2 Assessment in Dressmaking.

[NeiL ArandA]

copy ........how's the last line is it appealing to your taste? You can always reverberate to your original form if it doesn't work. Lets see how this sound. you have 10 syllables

[Dhaye]

You almost changed a big part of the poem, Neil. Can I put your name there as a collaborator?

[NeiL ArandA]

Your the Chef I'm but just a pinch of salt. I'm your humble servant. Its good enough for me that I made your soup taste even better. You don't have to Dhaye but do as you please.

[Dhaye]

Please Neil, don't use the word "servant" because I didn't command/order you...but I only ask your help. I'll put your name there to make it fair. I really owe you a lot. You did nothing in this site for some hours just to help me. Nobody have done that...only you. Thanks a lot.

[NeiL ArandA]

Possible suggestion . Ill never show you the wrong turn . Nor ill ever let you be the one to burn . Its more fluid . Please adjust the meter if this ka acceptable . Near in the wrong turn choke the flow .

[NeiL ArandA]

Dhaye your tenth couplets is off .

[Dhaye]

I know. Can you suggest a line which means "I won't let you hurt by running in the wrong way, but I won't let you hurt others, too."

[NeiL ArandA]

Ill never let you be the one to burn is already showing and telling the protective side it the mother to her child . I think you ll overexposed the thought and idea by over emphasizing it . Lets try it and edit it later if its not good . Lets see how the flow compliments the whole piece .

[NeiL ArandA]

Ill never let you be the one to burn is already showing and telling the protective side it the mother to her child . I think you ll overexposed the thought and idea by over emphasizing it . Lets try it and edit it later if its not good . Lets see how the flow compliments the whole piece .

[NeiL ArandA]

Never will ill let you be the one to burn . The one syllable be might help with the meter

[Dhaye]

That's 11 syllables already. It should be 10

[NeiL ArandA]

oh your doing a sonnet...

[Dhaye]

No no. A 10-syllable line doesn't have to be in a sonnet only. Lines here do not follow "iambic pentameter" which is required in a sonnet. BTW, you really made me squeeze my brain today with your review/comments/suggestions. Thank you so much, Neil.

[NeiL ArandA]

Ah Dhaye . This piece is much much stronger and better . Ill reread or again in afew hours if we got it fine tuned . Then we will tweak it some more . But this is really. strong .

[NeiL ArandA]

Prize is strong and excellent . The line after flowers that are made beautifull is abit off . Though it rhymes it lacks coordination . Some should have thorns prickly and painful . Painful is àgood contrasting word for beautiful but preserving the context of the phrase .