You are wise and rare in your generation. As a whole people seem to become more apathetic and more self absorbed as society ages. It gives me hope to know that there are young people that still care. My mother was an activist in the 60s-70s and I grew up being taught that one person CAN change the world. Words are a powerful tool and you use them brilliantly. Kudos!
great job with this one...we live in a world of commercialism...if we don't loosen our grip on the planet, we will be in trouble for sure...great job on this one!
As a custom to when I review a read request, I do write a lot. Thank you for the read request. And I've wrote poems on this topic as well, such as "The Alive Earth." Anyways, the topic of this poem is really nice in that we destroy the Earth through our own devices, for our own practical uses. It can be said that you should try to work on creating a nicer flow when writing as it can break the eye off; though it does help that it is short. Poetry is a collaboration of the heart and mind. But sadly, when people read poetry, they aren't inspired to change. Well, that actually depends on the person who reads it. "We got here too late. We're destroying the world," are my favorite lines. Stanzas in a poetry can help break up the poetry by sections. And there's no need for cursing either. xD Anyways.... kudos on the write here. Thanks again. 9/10.
The swift pace really helps the message. I totally agree with Gary too; the lines "doomed from our own stupidity, or better yet our knowledge" is cleverly crafted. Excellent piece!
I dig the "wanting new things" part. I like how it's separate from the rest of the piece, and breaks it up perfectly. There's a couple "were" in here that should be "we're"...just makes it easier to read. Had to do a double take to make sure I was reading it correctly. I would take out the first "going back now isn't a possibility" because it's more affective one time, and it works really well at the end of the piece. I like the idea of this poem. I like that other people are realizing that there are things happening to us on a daily basis that we either try to ignore or are completely oblivious to from the get-go. Well done, dear.
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, particularly love,
"Were doomed from our own stupidity,
or better yet our knowledge."
Fantastic write, capturing our selfish destruction of this beautiful world.
Also congratulations on the top writer badge, you really deserve it, as you've shown here.
The line "we now know we're destroying the world" is messing up the flow of the poem. The rest of it flows nicely so if there was a way to shorten it, that would help. I'm thinking just say "We're destroying the world" as "we now know" is sort of not needed anyway.....Make sure you change all your "were's" to "we're". Again, in the last line, ditch the word now. You'll see how it flows better. Reading it out loud will help you to see what I mean. When I read this outloud without the "nows" in it it totally smooths it out! I'm loving the inventions, the greed. ;-) Well done!
I'm Holly, I am eighteen.
I like feed-back on my writing to improve myself.
I'm loud, sarcastic, always smiling.
Sometimes vulgar, rude & judging.
:]
note: for read requests i generally read onl.. more..