Dear Mom

My mother was not there ever for me when she was needed. It was always my siblings, dad, and I with the help from dad's girlfriends he brought home. Some treated me as an outcast.

Dear mom,

You left me

You hurt me

You made promises you couldn't keep

You made me feel

As if it were my fault

That you decided to leave

You committed adultery

Yes, he cheated back

Out of spite

You left us

With our sick, caring grandparents

You made me feel 

As if I were a mistake

Never enough

A disappointment

But in all actuality

it was you

You was the disappointment

You were there for other kids

The kids weren't even yours

But your own kids

You left with complete strangers

who were all guys

WHO could have

Taken advantage of 

Your young girls 

Who never knew how to defend themselves

You cancelled on us 

You said you'd call

It was 6 or 7 years

Since you last called

Before I turned 18

Now I'm 18

I'm engaged

And you have the urge

The urge to 

Threaten my fiance

Make judgments

That you have no right making

You just can't be at the wedding in April

I need it to be my day

His day

God's day

God gave me this day coming up

Before I almost gave up

I was homeless

when I turned 18

I had no place to go

And I've come 

A long way to lose everything else

I don't have much to lose

So I have to do this

Making the final cut

You and my sisters

Who all made lies about my fiance. 

Reviews

[JayG]

You're delivering this letter to the wrong people. Lots of us had lousy mothers. So what can the reader react with, when they read someone else's mail, but with a polite, "Uhh...sorry to hear that."

You care, of course. And when you read it, it pulls memories that your reader doesn't have. But you've given the reader no reason to become emotionally involved, if for no other reason than that they hear only your side of the story. True it might be, and your emotions are justified, but unless you cause the reader to feel more than sympathy...

Look at it as a reader. When you say, "WHO could have Taken advantage of Your young girls," You're actually saying they didn't. So how is that an indictment?

My point is that you're talking to the reader about things for which they lack context, and editing from the seat of one who has it. And if we don't have context as-we-read, there s no second first-impression.

One of the simple but necessary tricks of poetry is to edit from the seat of the reader, who lacks context you don't supply, and who must be made to care if they're to do more than nod in understanding and then turn away,

[Lacey]

I shared this poem as a poem to let emotions of mine out I pull my emotions out for each of my writings

[JayG]

And you inflict that on strangers, who expect to see a poem, because? Remember, while you may feel that you "pull your emotions out," for each poem, they remain in your head and never make it to the page for anyone but you...unless you take the time to learn how to make them meaningful.

It's therapy for you, I don't deny. But it's also disrespectful to the readers who think they'll be reading a poem, and get, "Oh pity me."

Why would a perfect stranger care, if you don't take the time to make your words meaningful to them?

Of 11 pieces you've posted, less than half have received comment. Why not become a poet an change that? It's not all that hard, and you would both be building a useful skill, and, pulling your focus to the future instead of dwelling on the past.

There's no future in the past. 😋 And, you can't change what happened. But with work and care you can become the architect of your own future.

[Lacey]

It's not an "oh pity me" poem it's a deep down reaching into my heart to find what had happened and all my words are very meaningful.

[JMaster1]

Lacey - you wrote a beautiful poem , ignore anyone who don't like it or think that this site is for any pros , you let your emotions out, that's the only thing that matters

I love your words

Nothing here is pity me , only sensitive people can understand

[JayG]

• it's a deep down reaching into my heart to find what had happened and all my words are very meaningful.

You're the perfect example of what David Sedaris meant when he said, “The returning student had recently come through a difficult divorce, and because her pain was significant, she wrongly insisted her writing was significant as well.”

Yes it's meaningful...to you. But to the reader who has not a clue of what living that situation was like, It's someone they don't know, angrily lashing out at someone they've never met.

You missed the point of what I said. I'm not attacking you, just pointing out that if you take the time to learn what makes poetry work, you can make the reader truly understand.

Now, for the reader there's no emotional connection to the events. But a bit of knowledge of things poetic can change it from a Dismal Damsel poem into a thing of great meaning...for the reader. It can make your anger work for you, and make you stronger.

It's the difference between a reader saying, "Aww...that's a shame," and their saying, "That b***h! How dare she..." And which would you rather have?

[Lacey]

Sometimes readers don't always have to understand, but when readers don't read the poetry deep down they won't ever understand because they're not looking at it from a serious point of view that's what makes this poem very special and very good is that it can catch readers off guard.

[JayG]

• Sometimes readers don't always have to understand

The technical term for that statement is “nonsense.” A reader who doesn’t understand is one who is closing the cover. And I say that as someone who has been at this for over 40 years. I have over 50 books on writing in my personal library, and before I retired, people paid me to find out why their work wasn’t selling.

Before anything else, if the reader doesn’t have context for the words as-they-read, they stop right there, because there can be no second first-impression, and you cannot retroactively remove confusion. Your JOB is to communicate clearly. Readers aren’t conscripts. They’re volunteers. They want you to entertain them by giving THEM an emotional experience, not talk about your own.

And handing the reader a letter to someone they know nothing about, from someone unknown, is NOT the way to do that.

You’re free to write in any way you care to, of course…unless you want the reader to be moved, emotionally—and to be made to care about what you write. If you want that, you need to know HOW to write poetry. No way around that.

• that's what makes this poem very special and very good is that it can catch readers off guard.


That's your intent. But were you right, and it doing that, there would be more people commenting. I’m NOT a poet, though I did take the time to dig into the techniques and norms of the field to help improve my writing, in general. And my few poems posted here get pages of comments. Except for one, the least number of comments on any of my offerings is 32. I’m not bragging. My point is that were people actually doing what you say, and, if the poem was special to the readers, they would be commenting.

No one is a “natural poet.” No one. It’s a learned skill, just like bricklaying. And talent? Someone with lots of untrained talent has no advantage over someone with no talent.

At this point you’re hurting. I don’t doubt that. And you’re taking what I say as a personal attack. But in the words of E. L. Doctorow: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

We’re not taught how to do that in our school-days because they’re giving us skills to help us on the job. Professional knowledge is acquired in addition to those skills. So if you take no steps to acquire the knowledge you need, you’re in the position Mark Twain was talking about, with: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

But since it appears that you feel you’re already writing poetry well, I’ll just wish you luck with your writing and bow out.