Easier and Harder in life

Lately, I haven't been happy because of my family. I haven't smiled in three whole days now because of how I feel and you'll be able to sum up why that is. My dad got a girlfriend. I can't accept her.

Everything is easier somehow and for some reasons. It's easier to stay silent and hide yourself for a long time. It's easier for a random girl to be two faced and call me and my family two faced. It's easier for a random girl to date your dad and ruin your family and everyone's life. It's easier for a random girl to come and try to be a part of a family she doesn't belong to. It's easier for a random girl to be fake. It's easier for a random girl to get your own dad to call you names and lower your confidence. It's easier for a random girl to complain about you and never say anything to your face. It's so much easier to just stay in your room and block everyone else out when your halo is broken. It's easy for family to make you feel worthless and invisible. Sometimes it's hard or harder in life. It's harder for a random girl to get you to give up everything you have planned ahead in your life. It's harder to express your feelings to your dad. But the hardest part is when you can't talk to your own mom because of your dad and his idiotic girlfriend. You have to think of what the sometimes are and I did. Sometimes family can make sure your halo is broken. Sometimes you have to hide your broken halo when it hurts to  show it. Sometimes you have to feel worthless before you hurt more emotionally. sometimes you have to realize you only have one woman who gave birth to you and is your only mom not a random girl. Sometimes it's family that holds you back in life. Sometimes you have to pretend you're happy instead of actually being happy. You can be beautiful or the most beautiful person on the universe, but be so broken and just smile all the time in public and cry at home in your room. It's easy for me to forgive everyone else for hurting me and doing whatever they did to me, but I can never forgive myself for everything I've damaged. If I get close to someone it's like I damage them and everything I touch I damage. My sister told me I damage everything a few days ago and it's true I damaged mine and my mom's relationship we had. We always sang Jar of Hearts and Billionaire together now I caused her to leave I'm a damaging person.