Self Worth

Sometimes I think I’ll stop eating,

Not because I want to be thinner,

or sexy, or happy,

but because maybe I can grow small again

fall inward on myself till I’m four again

sticking my freakishly thin arms

through the hot pink bubble coat

that perfectly clashed with my orange pants

and my light-up sneakers.

No one would ask if I needed to talk.

I’ll become a caterpillar, a scarab, an ant,

Strangers wouldn’t wonder if I was ok,

Or if I needed to see someone.

I have yet to hear of an asylum for fruit flies.

No one admires an earthworm's strength or resilience.

And I doubt a firefly’s intentions have ever been questioned.

No one drags their nails up the back of a stick bug,

Hoping for more than the stick bug was willing to give.

Spiders choose whose mates’ semen they want to use

But I am not granted that luxury.

Two days after getting out of a two and a half year relationship,

My best friend thought that due to a connection,

a past sexual relationship,

He had the right to crawl in my bed,

and run his small child like hands

that no longer represented innocence

through my hair.

As though he could calm me into submission.

And I couldn’t stop him.

Not because I didn’t understand the power of no,

Not because I was under the influence,

But  because my self worth is directly correlated

To the number of people who want to f**k me.

I had to lie so I wouldn’t feel less.

As the shorts and underwear slid off of my hips without permission,

I said “my roommate will be home soon”

Sometimes I imagine a world where sex is irrelevant.

Everyone is at a perfect homeostasis of post orgasmic bliss

We all could reproduce through spores in the air,

and every interaction isn’t swimming through

induenos, eye f*****g, and

determining how far you would go.

We genuinely just wanted to connect with one another.

To cuddle without unspoken promises,

To walk without feeling less than the girl who just passed you

in a shorter skirt, tighter jeans, or perfect hair.

Once a year the spores would release you from the pent up

anger, anxiety, chaos and fear that accompanies life.

You would look up to see the sunlight perfectly shining

through millions of bubbles containing future offspring.

And it will be beautiful.

In fact it would be the most beautiful thing

A human being could ever create.

Reviews

[ron]

This is a very interesting view on life and its possibilities. You have an interesting mind. Loved the poem.