To Everyone I've ever Slept With

To the First

The first who was full of awkward innuendoes

Amazed at how quickly we moved

oblivious to the 21 day rule

Full of religious obligation and promises

Broken on a basement sofa

struggling to make our bodies melt

Spontaneous but full of forethought 

strange how something so simple can morph you

Rushing to redress

Hoping this decision hadn't 'ruined' me

another year spent

I used my time to discover him

To learn every flaw

Every wrinkle in his fabric of perfection

Until the new home I had made

Began crafting a ship

taught myself how to sail

The second I found in a class I never belonged

Made friends regardless

When the first asked if I wanted a new bed mate

An honest answer

To the Second

The second full of need and lust

Found with an undeniable connections

should not have moved past friends

Made his bed my new library

Memorizing the taste of his mouth

Studying the lines under those eyes

wandering home mystified 

The first would never know

Until the day we had been apart long enough

To tell each other the truth

On an abandoned park bench

I needed the first to understand

To understand what the second had become

Wanting nothing more than the benefits

without the friends

To the Third

Found down worn out stairs

Abandoning a friend five minutes in

I can't remember any of his features 

never got his name

To the Fourth

I'm sorry

I used you to fill my lonely 

I never thought I would need someone 

As much as I needed you

as I age I spend less time on formalities

I could have spent a year with you

Tangled up in sheets

I had turned into my personal hospital

I tried to tie you name onto the end of my

I Love You

it never quite resonated right off the wall of my empty room

Let go of you hand the moment you questioned

Picked it up again when you missed me 

I could create a collage from the forgotten socks, stollen shirts, hoarded sunglasses, misplaced pajama pants of my ex-lovers. 

When I find my bed unbearably cold, my legs belong to someone else, and my rib cage makes a reappearance I put on my souvenirs. 

Fleece pants, red bandana, green shirt, one sock, and a pair of Ray Bans.

I'll pull my blanket under my nose. Getting drunk on the memories of intimacy. 

Letting them blur together into one indistinguishable form.

After all love never wanted me.

Author's Note

Not sure about the ending or how to end it...

Reviews

[NoelHC]

"I'm sorry
I used you to fill my lonely
I never thought I would need someone
As much as I needed you

Ouch! That hit too close to the heart, having done that myself.

This is so powerful, so moving.

I think you may have the ending already solved.