chapter 1 version 1.5

A Story by 5John17

I want to be strong.

I want to be smart.

I want to be rich.

I want to be cool

I want to be famous

No matter who we are, we are always wanting something in life.

I guess I wanted to be someone good, someone that everyone looks up to. But I stopped.

After all, everything comes with a sacrifice…

To gain something, one must first lose something.

…

Well, please enjoy this story…

Chapter 1: Great failure

What`s this? Tears are coming out of my eyes. I try to hold back my tears. But it’s futile, I can`t stop crying. After all, It`s way too painful for me to supress this sadness in my heart any longer.

Urgh*

My legs give way, and I get on the floor, on my knees. The pain in my chest keeps on throbbing. it’s as if an invisible knife has pierced my heart. “It hurts” I cry out as I grip my chest with my hands in response to the pain. Deep in my heart, I know crying won`t solve anything, but I can`t stop my tears. Because It`s just too painful to try so hard but fail.

….

An eternity later, I find myself slowly getting adjusted to the pain. I open my eyes and stare blankly at the ceiling. My chest feels a bit lighter. But these emotions last only for a few seconds, a few seconds which my mind uses to wake up and allow me to face the cruel reality. My hearts starts to feel heavy again. And at the same time, my mind starts to become clouded with negative thoughts. Thoughts like “I will forever be a failure, and an incompetent person”

And slowly these thoughts consume me like a hungry lion devouring its first prey in a long while. As a result my sadness shifts to anger.

ARGHHHH!

I shout. I just feel so frustrated that I am so powerless and useless… Do I even have anything to be proud of? I ask myself as I look around my room… Nope, I definitely don`t. The room is just filled with the colour white. It is just an ordinary, plain and dull room. There`s no medal unlike my brother room that is failed with gold medals and trophies. The room does not even have a silver or a bronze. Medal.

Ahh, I see my room is just empty, just like me.

HAHA.HAHA

I cover my face with my hand and laugh at how pathetic I am…

it`s so frustrating to know that this is as far as I can go… I guess in the end some people are just not cut out for certain things…

Nah, who am I kidding?

* My Tears come out again.
I really don`t want to give up. And I definitely don`t want these years of hard work to be wasted…

After all, I worked hard every day. When everyone was playing outside, smiling and laughing, having so much fun. I trained and trained. Even when I felt like giving up, I trained. Even when thoughts like “what’s wrong with one day of rest” came, I never stopped training. Even if it rain or the sun shone like it had nothing better to do , I trained and trained.

I worked so hard, too hard even… But for what? What do I have to be proud of now?

I lost in Nationals. I lost in life.

I have no friends, because I ignored them to train or study.

What was I thinking?

Just because my brother accomplished it with ease, doesn’t mean that I can do the same.

Why did I even try something so foolish in the first place?

That`s obvious I wanted to prove the world that I can do it too. Partly, because I wanted value in life. But mostly because I hated it so much. Everyone- my parents, my once friends, and strangers kept on saying the same thing. ”Why can`t you be like your brother?”

Hey, I tried. I did everything that I could. But all I got was this useless black belt.

Great, just great. A black belt as a compensation for my life turning to ruin…

What have I achieved in this 12 years of my life?

…

This process of questioning repeated for a few days. Eventually the tears stopped flowing, probably because there was nothing left, and now my eyes definitely hurt.

Sigh*

I am alone in this world, after all my parents don’t care about me one bit. They live me alone as long as I fulfil my duties. Well, on the bright side, it’s the school holidays, so I don’t need to go to school in this pathetic state, yet. As for that glorious brother of mine, the one that everyone revere, is too busy doing whatever he can to make a name for himself in this world. Oh, and even if he was free, he probably couldn`t care less about me…

Crack, crack, crack.

Strange, something`s cracking. But my bones are still perfectly intact, all 206 bones. Maybe micro fractures from training, but nothing more significant than that.

I see, something inside has broken.