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Saturday, September 3rd
2:00am

First blog post. Where do I begin? First day of college, first day of hell. Part 2. As if high school wasn't bad enough. The day was long, the place was filled with people I didn't want to interact with. Except maybe just one. For me school was just, I go in and I go out. I hated it with a passion. And it wasn't the work that was bad. To be honest, I actually enjoyed doing the work. Well in class at least. But it was the people in it. My high school was filled with drama. I had quite a big group of friends and honestly, there were days where I wished I could be alone at times. But my friends always wanted me to go to parties. I enjoyed the occasional party but i'd much rather spend my weekends writing.

I've been writing in my diary since I learned how to write. Although my spelling was off and I wrote in different colors, you kind of got the idea of what my day was. Now i've decided to bring my diary about college to a blog. I decided that it was time for people to read my writing. Writing is a passion of mine and one day I want to work at a book company as an author. Or a book editor to start. I'm from New York City and everyday on my way to school I would always walk across my favourite building, The Empire State. Only the greatest authors, book editors, writers work there for the company of Greenway Press. Sigh, that's the dream.

While I was going back to my dorm, I passed by my roommate, Aaliyah. She was wearing red maroon jeans, with a semi sleeved black shirt which her dark, brown hair draped over. She barely spoke any English as she was Latina and didn't grow up in America. Which is probably why when we met, we barely spoke, but she managed to give a smile to me and say hello which I returned back. She was hanging out with her friends and may I say wow, they were all so beautiful. It made me feel like I was at the wrong school.

My dorm looked like one of those typical, college rooms that you see in movies. It was nothing special but I grabbed my books for my next class as I had homeroom this morning and headed out.

I walked into social sciences after my homeroom class (which I have to take as extra credit ugh) and the first thing I see is...no one. I was the only one there. Great I was a nerd who goes early to their class. The teacher was there but he didn't even see me. I don't think he even heard me. He looked quite old but I chose his class because he's supposedly the best social science teacher at NYU. So I shouldn't have my doubts. I walked over to my desk to sit down and I noticed some people walk in. Thank god. I wasn't gonna be alone for that long. I pulled out my sketchbook which I had brought with me. Drawing was another passion of mine and it was kind of a fallback plan for me. There was a little time in my senior year of high school where I was questioning about going to NYU and thinking about going to an Art college. As soon as I even mentioned a little hint to my parents, they totally freaked out. So it was best that I chose NYU. But hey, if I want to write my own novel or even a children's book, I can draw my own cover. Which isn't the first time that thought came to mind.

I got lost in my drawings waiting for class to start when I heard a voice next to me.

"I think you're in my seat." The soft yet deep voice said. I looked up to a tall boy who looked like it was his first year too. Or maybe I kind of looked at the sheet he had in his hand that it was his first day, oops. Anyway, he stared at me for a couple of seconds wondering if I was going to respond to him.

"Sorry but it doesn't have your name on it. Does it?" I sarcastically looked around and then shrugged briefly. God, I was such a b***h.

He let out a soft laugh before turning serious. "Well, I always get a window seat." He flashed me who those light brown eyes.

"And now you don't." I smiled.

He tried not to laugh and just pulled up the chair beside me and sat down. He put his school bag on his chair and his books on the table. I examined his moves and wondered if he was upset or not. I have a thing where I'll be sarcastic but I never know the right time to do it. And I don't think it was that time. I waited a couple of seconds to see if he would say something or even look at me. But he didn't. I got a little nervous so I started playing with my thumbs. Everyone who knows me can always tell when i'm nervous when they see me playing with my thumbs or any item in my hand.

I stared straight in front of me whilst I felt his eyes on me.

"Are you okay?" He said.

I turned to him and examined his face. He had short brown hair in a quiff. His eyebrows were narrowed and his eyes were softened. It was almost like he had a worried look on his face.

"Y-yeah," I said. "You're not mad are you?" Omg. Why am I so lame that I went and asked him that? I should have just shut my mouth completely.

He shook his head and then let out a small laugh. Why does he always do that? And why does he look so cute at the same time? "I'm Lorenzo but everyone calls me Enzo." Lorenzo. I've always liked that name. He held out his hand expecting me to shake it.

"Sara. Why are you so obsessed with the window seat anyways?"

"Who said I was obsessed? I just like sitting there incase I see a hot girl pass by." He flashed his beautiful eyes.

I rolled my eyes. Oh god, I really didn't want him to be THAT guy. I mean, I wanted to make a decent friend around here. Well, a decent guy friend.

He started laughing. "I'm joking, I'm joking. Wow, it looked you were gonna slap me."

"It was a thought." I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

Enzo started to smile but then bit his lip to stop. "Sometimes I like to take a break from the class and look out the window. I like to enjoy the beautiful view." He gets up from his seat a little and looks outside. "Well, at least not in this class." It was the back of the building and all you saw was the roof of the little building beside ours.

"Really?" I said with the sound of disbelief in my voice.

Enzo did a cute scrunchy face. "Nah. It's about the chicks." I laughed and playfully pushed him. I tried to stop myself from smiling so big but I couldn't. It just happened. Why did I feel that? I don't even know who this guy is besides that his name is Enzo, it's his first year too and he likes window seats. But I guess that's how you make friends right?

* * * * *
My day finished at 4:30pm and my last class was the longest. It was English & Literature and it was my favourite one. The reason why I'm in this major. Everything had to do with writing and reading. It was perfect for my future and I was focused. Until...Enzo walked in.

He looked around the room before spotting me and had a big grin on his face. Enzo started walking towards me and all I thought was 'How was I going to concentrate in this class?" I sat in the middle of the classroom and was expecting his arrival, until a girl sat next to me. Enzo's grin turned into a serious face and just proceeded to walk to the desk diagonal to me in the front. In a way I was relieved but also kind of upset. All my focus was supposed to be in this class since it was the most important one but for some reason, I wanted to sit next to Enzo. My confusion got to me but I decided I had to ignore my thoughts and just go along with this reality. And that's what I did. I turned to the girl beside me who had short blonde hair up to her shoulders, sea blue eyes, and a smile that could light up a whole room. My hand reached out while I said, "Hi, I'm Sara."

She looked at me with a strange look that said 'Who are you and why are you talking to me?' and just turned back around to talk to her friends. All my life I would always read books and watch movies how the pretty, blonde, popular girl was rude and only cared about fashion and being rich. For me, I never believed it. I always saw the good in people, no matter how they looked like. Looks didn't matter to me but this girl was actually a copy from a teen book. What a first impression I made. Actually, what a first impression she made. I moved my hand away in embarrassment on my desk and put my attention to the front of the class. At the corner of my eye, I saw Enzo looking at me but I didn't turn my attention to him. It was not time to deal with rude people nor cute boys who are in my class. I came to college for me, not to waste time and fool around like I did in high school. My future was shaping as of now and I wasn't going to let anyone ruin it.

When school finished I rushed back to my dorm. I just wanted to stay in there, relax, and do my homework. Aaliyah had come to the dorm for a few a minutes to grab some of her stuff and then left for the rest of the night.
As my face was literally stuck in a book I was reading for English Lit, I got a text. It was from this girl I had met in my homeroom class this morning. She was the only one I had got along with and not like that blonde girl who completely ignored me in English. This girl's name was Abby Conner. She was quite the talkative and fun type but in that class it was much needed. The teacher had bored us all to death that some students just put in their headphones and didn't care. It was going to be a long semester. But i'm glad I made a new friend. She saw the world differently and in a way, we would think alike. She was the girl who loved to go to parties, drink and have fun. But when it was time to be serious, she was the smartest woman I have ever met. She graduated top of her class at her high school, and has done so many great things at only the age of 21. Most of all, Abby was down to earth and never looked down on anyone who was below her. And yes, I learnt all this in just 90 minutes. Like I said, she sure likes to talk.

Abby asked me if I wanted to go to a party at a frat house. It was a Friday-Night-first-day back-at-school party. Literally. That's what had said on the text. My first instinct was to say no. I mean I spent all day telling myself that I wasn't going to be that kid I was in high school. But a part of me regretted sending that decline text.

For about half an hour, I kept walking around my dorm trying to find something to do. All I could think about was that party. Interrupting my thoughts I heard a knock on my door. 

"Who is it?" I yelled out. Aaliyah was going to be out all night so I knew it wasn't her. My stomach turned to knots.

"Ya girl Abby!" She yelled back. A sigh of relief had released from my body as I opened that door.

"Thank God, you scared me."

Abby walked in and set herself on my bed. She was wearing dark blue jeans with black stilettos. A bright red, skin tight crop top. Her curly, brown medium sized hair draped over her beautiful, dark skinned shoulders. Her bright, blue eyes glowed as she began to speak. "Put on some nice clothes, we're going to this party."

I wanted to lie and say that I didn't want to go. But all this reading has gone a bit to my head. I let out a sigh. "Okay, you convinced me enough."

Abby rolled her eyes to my sarcastic tone. I took some clothes out of my closet and went in the bathroom to put them on. I heard her say from outside the bathroom, "I knew you'd give in. Plus, who could turn down a party filled with hot guys."

I put on my black, ripped skinny jeans with the same coloured, long sleeved top to go with it. It was low cut and had strings across the chest part. I came out of the bathroom and looked at the mirror on my closet door. Abby came to stand next to me and she made me look like a shrimp. Probably because she was already 5'7 and her high heels made her even more tall. I was only 5'4.

I took down my long, brown hair that was in a ponytail that had gone wavy by then and tilted my head down.

Abby put her arm around me. "Sa, you okay?"

Was I okay? A sudden anxious feeling had come to me. Almost as if, I was about to have a panic attack. I hadn't taken my pill in the morning. I thought I didn't need to anymore. I thought I was over it. It was too late to take it anyways. You can't mix your meds with a drink. Probably wasn't a good idea. Was I feeling like this because I was going to a party with a bunch of people I don't know? Maybe. But I didn't want to tell her the truth so I let out a sigh and lied. Which is something I learnt to master in high school.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just having a moment. But I'm all good." I gave her a fake smile.

"Good. 'Cause we're going out tonight and we're gonna have fun. Plus we look hot." Abby flipped her hair and laughed.

"Okay, party girl." I said in a sarcastic tone and she stuck her tongue out at me. "Give me 20 minutes to do my make-up."

"Oh yeah, you need some of that."

I laughed. "Shut up." I said whilst she ran to my bed scared and laughing.

***

We arrived to the party and it was like your typical college party. Just like my typical dorm room. (Do I say typical a lot? Yeah, probably.) It was quite the same as the ones in high school, just with more mature people. Well, some of them. There were a bunch of people outside the house and when we walked in there was even more. It was dark but the colourful black lights brightened up the place. From the cracks of the crowd, I could see the door of the backyard and there were a lot more people out there. It's almost as if the whole neighbourhood was here.

Abby and I split up like 10 minutes in. The crowd was so pushy, I needed to step out for some air. I walked away from dancing and went to the backyard. It was early September so the weather was warm at night with a slight breeze. It was beautiful.

I watched everyone around me drinking and acting crazy. A few drunk people came up to me but I told them to go away. It was getting constant and I was getting annoyed so I headed towards to the grass. At the end of the backyard there wasn't a fence. This house was on a hill and there was a lake facing it. There weren't too much people down here. Thank God, I needed some space to breathe. I looked around the beautiful scenery and drew them in my thoughts. I knew that later I would end up recreating the picture in my sketchbook.

"Ahem." A deep throat clear surrounded my ear. My heart started beating fast as I got so lost in what was in front of me. I turned to face this person. It was Enzo. Of course.

"Do you enjoy scaring me?" I said in my usual sarcastic tone but this time with a smile. He stood next to me with a cigarette in his hand. The smell of the smoke was sickening but I learnt to tolerate it as that's all everyone did in back in high school. Still, I didn't very much like when people would smoke.

Enzo completely ignored my comment and let out a chuckle. "Daydreaming aren't we?" He took a puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke. I looked to him and noticed how his jaw clenched as he looked over at the lake. Usually for me, smoking was unattractive. But he made it look so damn hot.

He turned his attention to me and I noticed his brown eyes were sparkling. His face was like art. The small light from the backyard glowing off his chiseled face. Before I could say anything, my eyes turned their attention to the guys behind him.

"Hey Enzo. Who's this foxy lady you're talking to?" A guy who words slurred with a broken Greek accent, came up to us with two others following him. They had beer in their hands and looked like they hadn't slept in days. One had dirty blonde hair up to his shoulders, emphasis on the dirty part. I couldn't quite make out his face because he was wearing sunglasses. Classic d****e move. He was tall, taller than the others and his clothes were like a regular college frat boy style. With the SnapBack and long shorts. Just like the other two. His pale skin made his face look sick. The other guy was shorter. He had short brown hair slicked back, and his dark skin brought out his light brown eyes. He was the one who was quiet. And didn't seem too drunk like the others. Actually, he seemed okay. I Wonder why he was with this crowd. He seemed like he was more mature than them. The one who spoke to us had eyes that were bloodshot. He kept laughing and making sexual comments about me. His dark features made his green eyes pop out like no tomorrow.

"It's enough guys. Leave her alone." Enzo stood in front of me and motioned me to back up.

"Do you know these guys?" I said in a low voice behind him.

"Of course baby. Enzo and us go way back." The guy with the long hair moved closer to me but Enzo stood in front. I took a deep breath. Knowing that he was in front of me I felt safe from these guys. Until, some other guys started to join. All drunk, all stoned. They started screaming things and it got everyone hyped that people just started fighting. The crowd was growing. Everyone came to watch. It was suffocating and I couldn't stay here anymore. One of the guys threw a punch at Enzo and he backed up into me. Without turning around, he just threw a punch at the guy who hit him. I needed to get out of here before I got hurt.

My eyes started to get blurry. The feeling in my chest started to rise again. My breathing was getting heavier and my stomach felt like I was going to be sick. This was it, I was having a panic attack. An anxiety attack. Something I haven't had since the beginning of summer. By not taking my meds, it felt even stronger. I managed to push my way out of the crowd and went inside. It was worse. There was still a lot of people. A lot of smoke. I couldn't breathe. Everything started spinning.

***

Next thing I knew, I woke up in a dorm room. My head was pounding. My eyes were just adjusting when I realized it wasn't my dorm room. I was in a stranger's room and my first reaction was to sit up from the bed and freak out. But I sat up too fast and the room started spinning. I didn't have enough strength to yell. Instead I just put my hand over my head and groaned.

I heard a voice come from the sink. "Hey, you're awake. Here drink this."

I looked straight and it was Enzo. What the hell was I doing in Enzo's dorm room? I took the glass of water he handed to me and gulped the whole thing. I gave him back the glass and he raised an eyebrow. "Wow, thirsty much?" He laughed and took the glass to the sink.

I ignored his comment. And totally freaked after I regained my consciousness. "What am I doing here? Wait, scratch that. What time is it?" It was still dark in his room and there was a little lamp open. So I couldn't see much besides the fact that it looked completely like a boys room. Just that it was more clean. And refreshing even though it was dark.

"It's 1am." Enzo took his desk chair and put it in front of the bed where I was sitting. He sat down. "What happened out there? I found you passed out on the floor." He looked at me with such passionate eyes. The light reflected on his face.

Oh right. That's what happened. He probably thought it was because I had so much to drink. But really, I had a panic attack. Sometimes when it hits me hard, I tend to pass out. But I couldn't tell him that. That I didn't take my meds and I have anxiety. No. I turned it around on him. "I could ask you the same thing." I turned my eyes to another direction because I didn't want to see his reaction. Interrupting him I said, "Look, thank you for bringing me here or whatever happened. But I really need to get back to my dorm. My roommate didn't know I was out last night so she's probably worried." Lies. She wasn't even going back to the dorm until the next day. It was just an excuse to leave. I didn't know Enzo that well to be telling him my whole life story, let alone sleeping in his bed. I had to go.

I took the white blanket I had over me and realized that I didn't have any shoes on. Obviously. I was at least glad I still had all my clothes on. I looked around for my high heeled booties and saw them at the door. Standing up, I looked at Enzo and let out a light smile. He looked up at me with a smirk. But with a look that made me look like I crushed his dreams of some sort. I went to the door, put my boots on and left. I even forgot to say bye. S**t. I'm an actual terrible person.

I walked as fast I can to get to the other side of the campus where the girl dorm rooms were and rushed to my room. At this point, I didn't care if I was walking alone. And it was literally a 30 second walk.

I went in my room and let out a big breather. What a first day I had. I took off my boots, didn't take off my make-up, no pyjamas and just fell on my bed. I grabbed my laptop and hoped that the rest of the year was going to be better.

Author's Note

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