Echoes pt.1

Addictions are such sweet poison

Looking at me in the mirror all I see is a monster
Far from who I was...can’t tell when I started to evolve
T’was the same ole me that used to be a Christian
Now I can’t tell who's the real deceiver

Thinking on the past I guess it started when I admired it,
this world and everything in it.
Put in it to stand out as the difference,
I chose to succumb to its tempting seductions.

"Where are you?" is all I hear ringing in my ears!
It’s the Lord's call I know but I’m too ashamed to answer
Far from the truth I strayed like the prodigal son
Seeking greener pastures in barren lands

Far from the yellow brick road
I chose to lay in the meadows
Laying all my values and teachings down
I slept in the delusion of my self-created lucid dream

And now I wake, all I see is chaos
The world I was supposed to change has been driven to insanity
In my absence it lacked direction and fell off the ditch
I was to be the light to guide it, pointing it to the Son
But I chose to take a break, lay down and rest a little while

I think I’m far in too deep to make any difference now
So maybe I’ll hang up my "church clothes" and get lost in the chaos
Maybe it’s too late to start shouting up for Christ!
No one will hear me in this chaos I created

They'll see me and ignore me or better still
Look at me and look away cause I lost what’s special about me
Turned into one of them I smell like a scab
Blended into the scene like a chameleon in a camouflage
It’s hard to tell me from the one they call the deceiver

I think I used to hate him....that one they call deceiver
Now even I can’t tell who he is cause we all look the same
Staring at another is like staring at myself
I spit in disgust and whisper in my ears "I even look like him!"

Now I look...I stand...I see another
One so different that shines like the sun
I run and hide myself cause it’s a sudden reminder of
What I was supposed to be...Everything I was meant to be

Looking at him I begin to loathe him
Not him nor what he speaks of
But the fact that everything about him reminds me of who I used to be
Makes me hate "the me in him" that gave up "that...for...this!"

I curse and scream at him to shut up!
Cause every word he speaks, a whip on my spirit
reminding me of the favors once bestowed on me
Those favors are long gone now...replaced by guilt and frustration

"I can’t take it anymore!"  I finally scream
"I want you back Lord....I want us back!"
"The emptiness...this black hole in my soul screams for something better"
"And all I used to fill it has been sucked in making me desperate for more...for something deeper!"

"I can remember your teachings on contentment!"
Looking back at those days I wonder how I did that
Cause now I try, I don't last even a second
before my sinful craving overwhelms me driving me back to my own vomit

"I remember your teachings on patience"
Been long I heard that voice....that still small voice
Now all this emptiness has taught me is this:
"If you don't fight for it, maybe you never deserved it"

I’ve driven myself into the pits because I stopped to listen for just a little while
To the blaring teachings of this greedy world and lost the sound of your voice
Now all I'm forced to ask is this
If you’re out there and you still love me please Lord............save me!

Luke 15:17