Take A Second Look

I'm diving...

Deeper into the darkness...

Further from the light.

I'm trying...

Avoiding being heartless...

Doing something right.

I'm dying...

Slowly becoming harmless...

Refusing to fight.

I'm lying...

Becoming one of the breathless...

Losing all my might.

I dived into darkness away from the streetlights.

I tried to do something right pushing him away from headlights.

I died and took his place in the street.

I lied there watching the driver retreat.

I saved his life by giving my own.

I will die with my deed unknown.

Author's Note

Another quick write, experimenting with new ideas.
Reviews encouraged!

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

The visual presentation is the best aspect of this poem, I think. The way that the introductory lines are typed catches the reader's attention and the style goes nicely with the laconic statements. One part seemed a little incongruous: the line "I'm lying...Becoming one of the breathless....Losing all my might."--the theme tying together the three parts of that statement was kind of hard to grasp, until I read the smaller lines underneath and the whole of the story was revealed. It was interesting.

[I Am Svetlana]

You have a unique style, I like it. It's definitely something different and new. I like the imagery and thoughts. The rhyming also goes along well with it. I also like your titles, interesting and they catch my attention.

[Sweet Little Bunny]

loved this poem! :)

[FaithfullyJennyBear]

This is a piece of amazing poetry! The structure, the imagery, the words, the fonts.. Speechlessly amazed by your work once again, great write :)

[TheMizFit]

You're very creative! You never fail to amaze me with your writing. Keep it up :D

[DeadToTheWorld]

this was certainly something that I hadn't encountered yet...this style of writing is most peculier in it's own way...but!..I liked it the way it rhymed and flowed with what you were saying...I'll rate this one at 100/100...

[Sanjeeta Sharma Pokhar..]

A new concept of bringing out the thoughts. Creative you are and so are your thoughts. Completely Self-less thoughts , hard to fine in this materialistic world, and glad they are in you.

Keep up your creativity.

[DearSweetAgony]

WOW
I LOVE it.
It reminds me of a Hollywood Undead song.
You perfected the feeling in this write.
I LOVE IT!

[Letemdangle]

You are indeed a mystery. Kind of like having a playful ghost here at the cafe. Fun read.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

love the format, very unique