We Decay

Inspired by a poem of William Mathews, though I can't recall the name.

Steady and steadily we decay,

especially the vegetarians,

into grass fed ground

when we’re six feet down.

 

She never ate meat after

she realized this,

planning to seep her cremated carbon

through puddles of grassy roots

in the quickest fashion.

 

Tired of the usual obscurity,

she sought a more natural kind.

Reviews

[robin]

Especially the vegetarians is contrary to what we know...so the meaning of this is altered, what then are you getting at, besides an alternate choice, what is the aesthetic? The ground isn't fed by grasses...it's fed by worms and microbes, which feed the grasses...It is a curious poem and reminds me of modern poets from the 70's. Interesting and pensive pointing to a unique perspective. The second stanza is perfect DO NOT change it.

This is weird because in some ways it's so backwards, like how grass doesn't feed the groun (although by the way I LOVE this line):
"into grass fed ground
when we're six feet down."
It's really great, original with an alternative spin on things, it's fantastic, I'd love to recommend some changes to you so I actually seem like a proper critique but I find it so hard to critisise you! You're one of those genuine just "first time does it" people, unless you've secretly been editing before you put them up here?:P xx great write well done dear xx

[Vanessa]

I like the use of comparison and all that you used here.
The bit about the vegetarians, especially, sounded nice with 'into grass fed ground'. That's an interesting play on words, one that I like. I'm a vegetarian.... so I actually took that more literal for a sec.

Anyway, this is very well written. And it seems to stick to the central feel easily.
Good job.

[Adam Jordan Turner]

Short. Strong. Simple. Right to the point. I love it, nice write buddy!

[J.P.O.et]

LMFAO, were you, by any chance, getting whispered this by sweet Maria.
'especially the vegetarians,
into grass fed ground
when we're six feet down.'

This is cool man, nice and short and concise and fun in a way.

J.P.O.et

[Dan Bullock]

Really interesting writing, very nice indeed. Nice and simple, but with a lovely touch of hope within death. :)