Disappearance Against The Glow

I love sun sets but they are depressing because they are so fleeting

pure air slips into a crack of sides

walks to a lever and pulls

 

the water gates open

wet boughs stalk for dry bark

 

cross steep streams in shallow shadows

leaves left green in late May

 

red brims sense the sky’s line of horizons

sets like a long still evening

 

airplane cuts blue sky white

dives west and orange

 

disappearance against the glow

sinks lower

Author's Note

Are my words becoming stale? I feel like I'm in a loop.

Reviews

[Dan Bullock]

How dare you use my font...haha! :-p

I don't think stale, but maybe when this was written you were pushing it too hard, wanting the words to come through but not 'letting' them come through.

I like it, but I know you can do better.be stronger with words, sometimes just take a break. I, myself, don't like to force words, it weakens them I think. :)

[KayOss]

Stale? No. As I was reading this, I was struck by he gentle movement within. I love the way you give words action. The way in which you managed to capture and convey beauty is also splendid.

As for feeling as though you are in a loop, you could always do what I do. Either choose a writer's exercise that challenges you to step out of the box and try something new. I have a few books on hand that I use for this purpose. Stepping out of the box allows me to try on a new perspective and to push myself to do things I wouldn't normally consider.

The other thing I do is free-write. Often, when I write, I just sit down and let the words flow over and through me. I write them as I see them. Sometimes I nudge them into place, but often I do not. This exercise can be fun and you might be pleasantly surprised at the results.

As always, it is a pleasure to read your work. I look forward to seeing what you write next.

[Erin Phoenix]

Loop? No, I liked the poem.

I always like your work..

I can see it as I read.

:) very nice.

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

I don't think you are in a loop. Besides, sometimes loops, if not productive, can shake off stress and provide much needed relief. :) work through it, if you can - if not, ride it and suck out as many poems as you can until you understand. They don't have to be good poems, but smacking them out always helped me. As for your poem - choppy, but I liked the style. Keep writing :)

[J.P.O.et]

Everything that is beautifull and worth it is fleeting my friend but not always depressing cause of its momentary nature. sunsets and sunrises are stunningly beautifull, and I like your word craftsmanship.
Decent

J.P.O.et

[Adam Jordan Turner]

No one here can tell you whether or not your words are becoming stale, only you know that. However if you'd like my opinion, based on this, no they are not. I know how you feel...but your work is still great. I think this piece is very well written, you paint such a beautiful picture for the readers and you do it so skillfully. I actually love your choice of vocabulary in this piece. Over all, I think it is short, simple, and packs one hell of a punch. I love this one for it's descriptiveness, I think you really have a talent for that here, great job buddy!

[Adam Jordan Turner]

No one here can tell you whether or not your words are becoming stale, only you know that. However if you'd like my opinion, based on this, no they are not. I know how you feel...but your work is still great. I think this piece is very well written, you paint such a beautiful picture for the readers and you do it so skillfully. I actually love your choice of vocabulary in this piece. Over all, I think it is short, simple, and packs one hell of a punch. I love this one for it's descriptiveness, I think you really have a talent for that here, great job buddy!

[robin]

When my words get star-crossed I try to let them mix as they will on page or in my head. Then I focus on the most powerful phrase or hook and watch the words reassemble into a more pure expression. The last stanza is too conservative, sparse and leads to a sense of lacking not fading. It probably would carry if it weren't ended on the shortest line of two words, try a four word end or five, one that a speaker could end on without taking a fresh breath, like it stretches into infinity...The metaphors fit but the themes are vague. (oh oh in your featured review she says "you are so serious ALL of the time" hide it, man scent!) lol

You're not in a loop- don't worry! :) I thought it was lovely, it never seems to get old with you- you just come up with this great imagery and description every time! I love the "shallow shadows" thing, that's great, and as to your comment at the top, as a great writer on writerscafe told me, the whole reason beauty is beautiful is BECAUSE it's fleeting, because you only have that short ammount of time to acknowledge it :) so never fear.
I'd love to see you write about aurora borealis :) xx

[Alexzan Marie]

I do not think that your words are becoming stale, they are still vivid and beautiful. Perhaps you are just bored with your own style? Try adding spaces in weird places and talking in nonsensical ways haha. You are so serious all of the time and your seriousness is beautiful but I can see how it would get tiresome. I used to write horror constantly and it just got so hard...like a chore and I thought everything sounded the same even though I was told otherwise, I just had to change.
I really don't think you could ever be stale though, you are such a true visionary.