On This Point I Stand On

A portrait of my self

A coffee throat,

sore and drippy

like leaky faucets

unfixed for months,

soaks cough syrup

into stale purple drops

slipping under

acidic and sticking

beneath the soil.

 

In my place

like a potted plant,

I watch blue skies burn

clouds afire with ripe

sun and sleep

on wintery snow

when it’s gray

to dream of warmer weather.

 

I see how the dark blue

sky fades darker and longer.

 

Yellow candle light

can’t hold its color

passed the distance

that flickers my eyes,

dimmed, saintly night

scenes shifting slower,

colder, shaken to black

sky and salty stars.

 

On this point I stand on,

a tip of balance on a pin,

point, look down and see nothing

thin between distance and appearance.

 

I am. Nothing. More.

 

Sultry nights, closed shutters,

sheets and blinds shade the days

that blend in eternal shade,

an infinity which won’t be measured

with calendar pages,

but sleep.

Author's Note

Another collaboration of seperate poems. Can you tell?

Reviews

[J.P.O.et]

I like this one but you know I'll nitpick and you love it, bro.
'Yellow candle light, can't hold its color
passed the distance, that flickers my eyes'
Should 'passed' be past, for some reason that trips me up, let me know.
Last verse is phenomenal
'Sultry nights, closed shutters,
sheeets and blinds shade the days
that blend in eternal shade,
an infinity which won't be measured
with calender pages,
but sleep.'
You summed up a feeling of depression and apathy there that we all feel from
time to time and you did it very well. I often have that exact same feeling.
Well done
J.P.O.et

[KayOss]

I couldn't tell where one poem ended and another began, so expertly did you blend them. I just enjoyed the flow and the visual imagery of this. I must admit that as I read this, in my mind, I heard a soft, silky voice reading the lines aloud. These lines are meant to be spoken and heard. I especially love the line "I am. Nothing. More." I love the simplicity of this line and also the complexity of the message. It could be interpreted in several different ways, which I enjoyed contemplating. Although I did enjoy the entire poem, I liked thinking about the stanza that began "On this point I stand on..." One of the things I enjoy most about your work is that it forces me to think and to seriously consider and reflect upon it so that even after I've finished reading it, your words resound in my head. Beautifully done. You've got another winner. :)

[Sandra K]

Great poem once agian Travis!!!
i enjoy every one!
i like the following passage.
I believe it is strong in meaing.

On this point I stand on,
a tip of balance on a pin,
point, look down and see nothing
thin between distance and appearance.


Great job dude!

Sandra K!

no i couldn't tell they wee seperate, although now you've said it when i go and read it again it does make sense, I love the part that says: "I am. Nothing. More." Because of the punctuation there are different ways you can interpret it, or take it as the whole sentence would be without the sentence: "I am nothing more." A quite pleasant idea- or so I thought :)
You write in a way that demands somebody with an incredibly sensual voice to read it out loud. I don't know how much you know about drama, but in plays you have different dialogue buildups to a sort of dramatic climax of the speech- you manage to do it with the different LINES that's how cool you are :) don't stop doing what you're doing- it's good stuff :) well done and good write xx

[Kelly Scheppers]

Gosh, I didn't have a clue either! Just thought it to be your typical delivery of "awe".

My best,
Kelly

[Adam Jordan Turner]

WHOA! That s**t was ON POINTE! I Totally had no clue it was seperate poems. I just now read that before commenting. I don't know what to say. I love it! The first stanza is my favorite, it's absolutely perfect, perfectly placed, I'm glad you put that poem first. It really sets the stage, It gets us ready for the short, powerful journey. Great imagery, great simile's! Awesome write! One of my favorites!

Af

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

"On this point I stand on,
a tip of balance on a pin"
- check your phrasing here to be sure that the reader is getting the meaning you want.

"...an infinity which won't be measured
with calendar pages,
but sleep." - I think that right here you mean to say "but with sleep"

Good - the alliteration is very thick through the piece, and while I love some of the images the over all meaning of the poem is confusing. - Oh, just noticed your author's note...There is a choppiness to the poem - it needs some smoothing out, but it's almost there. :) Best of luck!

[Alexzan Marie]

I couldn't really tell either but it does make sense after reading your note.

It is a fabulous collaboration, it runs so well, so vividly

I love how you incorporate colour into things, it gives a sense of what colour means to you and opens the readers eyes to absorbing colour differently as well, makes it much more personal.

Haven't seen anything from you in a while...I am excited to see this =)

I love it.
as usual.

[Sarah]

To be honest, I didn't realize it was a bunch of different poems until I read your note. xDD I just figured it was one of those random poems that - at first glance - appear not to make any sense, but then do somehow after you reread it. xD Anywayyy... I really liked your use of colour in this poem (poems?) great description!!! ^____^

[No One Important]

Yes, I can. The individual parts are pretty good but as a whole it is disjointed and somewhat difficult to understand.