Color

What the hell is it that makes me unlovable? This is me trying to figure it out.

lighter fluid

flames burn her

pale green

eyes to black-

 

skinny red

gray coals

charred heat

risen and

fallen pulses

fire chars

 

my color

ink tank

 

is dry white creeks

and black beds

 

a lack of color

paints

white out

her blush

 

almost touches

my color

blind hand

 

absence

of a brush

lusts her

 

to my color

crushed

 

a resistible glow

holds

a narrow lightning

strike under my shallow eyes

bolted

below the black

dilated darkness

 

something frightened

they must

all experience

 

it is my fragile styles

in isolated

p  i  e  c  e  s

thrown across the floor like

 

soup steam recollected

possibilities

sipped through her

digestion then discarded

 

color empty calories

Author's Note

This originated from a collection of experiences from the past two days I jotted down. I've never been in a real relationship where love exists, all I know is vague infactuation. I've always wondered why, and lately have been trying to forget it and love myself no matter what, but the fact keeps staring me in the face, and I have to ask myself, why? Sorry, I'm ranting, hope you enjoyed the poem!

Reviews

I love the imagery you create- you have such a way with words that it's justmagnificent to be quite honest, I love as well how you use spaces and punctuation to express certian meanings- out of everybody I've ever reviewed or read, I think you always convey it best!:) If that's any compliment at all! I love the P I E C E S part, it really works, and: my color
ink tank

it's all just great :) and the lines: "digestion then discarded colour empty calories" as your past relationships I found to be a great metaphor, but one day you will find somebody who will feel fufilled by you! :) and to be honest on the subject of love that you've put in your authors note, I thought myself to have been in love once, and no matter how many times he cheated on me I still thoguht it was worth it, but when they eventually abandon you for someone else it hurts. So I don't wish that on you, but I do wish you love :) I'm not going ot give you the "love is found when you least expect it" or "love will find it's way" talk. The fact is that there is nothing repelling you from anyone, infact maybe the only thing that holds you back is the doubts you have in yourself at making something work!
And never fear- everybody enjoys a good rant, people have to listen to mine for hours! :) well done anyway, another tremendous write Mr. Lawrence- your writing is very more-ish! :) keep at it, and as for the love thing... work on that, but don't ever settle! Make sure that you aim for what you deserve! :) xx

[J.P.O.et]

I was likin this up till the end. Untill then you conjured up images of paintbrushes, color, and fire.
Then you totally lost me with the 'soup steam', 'digestion' and 'color empty calories'
Goin thru more read requests and you better give me a read soon or I'm cuttin you off, LOL

Be good

J.P.O.et

[Katie]

I highly enjoyed this poem.
It has a great point to it, if you really take the time out to understand the situatuion:)
Nice job:D

[robin]

You appreciate well, then judge, and judgement/hyper vigilance/self consciousness is when the prey can sense the predator. You need more dead in your eyes like "You can't touch This", even if you fake it. Sounds vile, yet 'tis true. ( In Author's Note: You rant, but you love the rant, just like faking it...it's coy, cunning)
She falls for the wolf she chooses not to see. great experimental word scramble!
There's no greater torture than getting it, but not getting it. I've been there.

[James K. Blaylock]

Man, I think love is truly such a strange creature, and we often miss those little signs. I was never loved nor in love until I was almost 30. Some people it just seems to take a lot longer for them to emerge from their thick shell, like myself.

jkb

[Sandra K]

I enjoyed this poem alot! You did a great job relating your emotions, to colors. Very creative.
Thanks for sharing Travis, I hope all get well for you, so you know, i am in the same situation, im dealing with it too.


Take care!

Sandra K!

[Erin Phoenix]

I can always see your writing as clear as glass.

:) I enjoyed this one Travis

Good job.

[No one]

For some reason this made me thirsty. I think it's time for another whiskey shot. Nice job!

[KayOss]

I must admit that I've actually read this several times. I'd read it, think about it, come up with a response, and somehow it wouldn't make it to review. Then I'd come back, read again, and think about it more. I must say that i gained something from each reading of this. I loved the vivid colors and also the contrast. Superb.

You've got a poetic language that's both strong and beautiful. It's also distinctly you. I admire that.

On the issue of love, I had to redefine my idea of it. I've been in a few bad relationships and so I developed a negative attitude towards love. Then, I had the good fortune to have a good relationship where the guy was understanding and also very loving. It ended, as these things sometimes do, but I walked away with a better understanding of love and a much better attitude towards it. It's true though; you have to love yourself first. How can you love someone else if you can't love yourself?

I've no doubt that you will find love. When you read someone's work, you can usually gain some insight about them (if the work is genuine and personal). I can tell that you're a great guy; it shows in your work. I think that's one reason they seem to touch so many people so deeply. Like John Meyer says, "he's out there, she's out there... they're just learning what to compare you against." ;-)

[Vince]

It feels like I'm going through a box of newly-bought crayons with this one! Love how it starts off with the lighter fluid. I've seen it go through weird colors in some situations. That and it being highly volatile adds a lot to the piece. Usually, color isn't attributed to food so much in poetry so that's a bit new to me.