Story Teller

I seriously want to do this one day

That stale old stocky man who stands homeless on the corner,

the one who walks by grayish like his scruffy gray beard,

and long and torn like light wiry white strands.

 

How long have they grown?

 

Dispersed at a thick end into air

that bluely floats on its back down my Mississippi street,

the stale old stingy stranger stands still on his silent shadow.

 

Where has this man been?

 

What would he say to me

if I said to him, “Salutations, quiet sir,

you’re alive! And no conscious quitter.

 

What’s your story?

 

I’d like to tell it to a world of readers,

if it’s interesting,

you’d be immortalized.

 

Would you like me to?

 

Neal Cassady was Dean Moriarty,

Jack Kerouac was Sal Paradise,

Allen Ginsberg was Carlo Marx.

 

What’s your alias to be?

 

And of course I’ll need

all those prickly details

that stick and cut like burs.

 

How much time do you have?

 

Please tell me so I can story tell

like you write through my eyes,

my pen, my page, my mind.

 

How do you feel about Grey Seranly?”

 

One day, someday, I will see someone

like Grey is like, and serenely propose to be

their story teller.

 

What would he say to me?

Author's Note

Do the questions in their own one-line stanzas work? Anything trip you up? Any suggestions for improvement? Let me know your honest thoughts.

Reviews

[Kasey Klein]

As always, Travis, your poetry is wonderful (I've been avoiding taking my literary vivisectionist's knife to your fiction, but I'll get to it).

I like the premise of this poem. I've been good at what I call objective listening all my life. I like a story, any story. Over the years, I've listened hungrily, gathering the bones of humanity, later to be reassembled with renewed flesh.

I've said: I have many story to tell of my life, some of which have actually happened.

Just the other day, I was pondering the six billion people in the world -- six billion people. And, I thought what it would be like to sit with each and listen to a story. Everyone has a story, and for those stories not so interesting, that's where we come in, the storyteller.

If you get time, check out my short story: Randy Joyce Locke (http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/KarlKlein/216753/)

I talk of objective listening

[Vince]

I always try to mention hobos and bums and men of the sort when I can/when it's appropriate. I feel like they all have a story to tell, something worth sitting down to listen to, however terrible and unfortunate. Exponentially better than the crap we hear on tv and popular media these days..

[TL Boehm]

And of course I'll need

all those prickly details

that stick and cut like burs.

this stanza is particularly resonant to me....well done

[Sandra K]

Travis, you're a great writer! I am glad that i have the oppourtunity to read your work! I hope you will be able to share it with others, besides this website. I enjoyed this poem alot!

Sandra K!

[Shadows of Sight]

No trips, I think it's a wonderful idea, to find one who you could tell the story of. It's compassionate and is steeped with the possibility of historical mystery's

Great Write!

[J.P.O.et]

Not a grumpy old man I hope for your sakes
I thought that line 2 was a lil repetitive with gray
What is 'long and torn like light wiry white strands' referencing?
He has strands of white that run thru the beard
The questions start out as general questions then you are asking him
then back again cause you didn't ask him, right
'Seranly Grey', Yeah that's a nice one, Nice read
J.P.O.et

[KayOss]

Honestly, this flows very nicely. A bit too nicely... Like a leave on a stream, I was pulled along by the current of this. Your form works well too. It's a bit like seeing it through the speaker's eyes. Thoughts occur in this manner; we don't think linearly or in perfect stanzas all the time. So having varied stanzas work very well here. I was also caught in the imagery of this. I could identify; I've looked at people and wondered about their story. I work with the public, so I come into contact with many people every day. Sometimes, I know their story; they are my regular customers and we talk about our lives. But with other people, I can only guess. For instance, why would a mother force her child to steal? These are the things we wonder about.

Your poem is wonderful... honestly. I loved diving in and taking a walk around in it.

[Carl Taylor]

I was a little lost at first, but I found my ground, the description of the man at the beginning, I think it was, I might have been off in my head, but that was confusing cause then there were no other descriptions of people, it seemed out of place with the rest. I like though how it takes something that we all think of, I wonder what would happen if I talked to that person, and well talked about. Good job

[Alexzan Marie]

Deep...like a think-piece... I like it a lot and I've re-read it a couple of times to kind of...take it all in. It really is great. It makes me wonder all about this Grey person of whom you speak..was his story interesting?.. Can I ask if it is based on...someone in particular or was it just an idea conjured by some image? Or perhaps you're just wonderfully creative like that.


I have a comment about a comment a few places below me...I understand that reviews such as these are mostly opinion based and they said that the repetition of words 'doesn't hold the power that it can have' but I must disagree...I think it emphasizes what it is that you are trying to say. That is just my opinion though..I am a bit of a fan of repetitions.........

[Kristin Brecoe]

I mean no offence. I only offer my opinions with helpful, if you wish them to be, suggestions.

I'd like to let you know the idea behind this poem is fabulous. However, I just finally understood what that student teacher of mine has been talking about. She's always telling us not to be so wordy. You, Travis, have just done that. You placed too many wonderfully descriptive words into your poem, and it took away from the poem's potential strength. I know it's what you wanted, but it is up to you to fix it. I can be wordy too, but sometimes it just seems to fit to me.

Here are a few other things I noticed.
the one who walks by grayish like his scruffy gray beard,[don't repeat gray]

the bluey[?]

Please tell me so I can story tell
like you write through my eyes,
[it's not a smooth read through. i have to think a little bit to get the rhythm down right...]

I will see someone
like Grey is like, [the usage of like twice in one line does not hold the power it can have.]

-Kristin

awwwwww I really like this, it's just sort of a free flowed thought, and a very interesting one at that :) and in reply to your authors note- yes the questions do really work, it was the first thing I was going to comment on- I like them as though they're pausing thoughts/questions in the story, can't quote explain it, but either way- it works for me! :). And I don't think anything really tripped me up to be quite honest, the whole thing just sounds like awed intrigue as to where this stranger has been- and good for you if you actually want to do this one day! Sometimes taking an interest in other peoples stories is what makes them worth telling :) Well Done :) xx