Headaches

The product of a thought stream after a pretty darn bad day...

There’s just too much to take sometimes. The headaches, the television, the lack of inspiration … the boredom! All my friends get together with alcohol, but I don’t understand its appeal, so I don’t understand my friends. Should I get new ones? I don’t really see them to begin with. But I know, I don’t need new friends, I need new here. I have to get out of here! I’m trapped here, under a Midwest rock. Get me back to my hometown.

“What’s there?”

Excuse me?

“What’s there?”

Everything, can’t you see? It MUST be! Nothing is here. NOTHING FOR ME!

“So selfish, all about you.”

Excuse me?

“All about you, sir, all about you.”

And why not? This is the only time I have, I want it to be MINE! I want to take the young woman I love into my arms and I want her to be MINE!

“All about you, sir, all about you, but what about her?”

F**k her, she’s already left me. Where is she? Not here. I need a new here. Maybe that’s where she is, thinking about me, wondering how I feel about her. I’ll scream it, I LOVE YOU! But she won’t hear, not here. And I carry that with me everywhere since I was RIGHT NEXT TO HER and didn’t say a f*****g word.

“Someone’s closer, someone’s closer.”

I need her, closer. But, she’s left me already…

“Someone’s closer!”

Someone else?

“Someone else!”

When will I find her?

“Soon…”

When?... When? Is that it?

“No”

Answer me!

“How should I know?”

You sound like you know.

“Well I don’t.”

Then why are you giving me advice?

“Because you are unreasonable!”

How’s that?

“All about you, sir, all about you.”

Me? I’m a mess.

“I know.”

I lie and I conceal, I’m a vulture, and produce too much garbage. I think we all make too much garbage. My bin fills up twice a week, and I don’t even know where it goes after I throw it into the dumpster. Do I care? I do, I do, but

“All about you, sir, all about you.”

I sit here and write and write and hear and smoke my Mary and see and maybe I’ll get to where I’m going, but not here, no not here at all! Leave now, just go!

“Where?”

Home.

“What’s there?”

Better is there.

“Are you sure? Are you sure?”

Well, no, not fully. Must I be, sure?

“Consider it, at least.”

But here are nothing but old habits!

“And there?”

Old habits, too, but better ones for sure! Barton Springs, sunny weather, no winter, musicians as my friends, who still love alcohol but don’t force it on the situation. My dog, my cat, aww my cute little beagle and calico! My parents, but they can be unbearable, these days, in their older age. I can’t take to watch, it hurts me so, and it hurts even more to know that all I do is take and take and take from them. It rips me to pieces!

“So, really, is it so much better?”

Yes, I really do think so.

“And for money?”

That will take care of itself.

“What about your addictions?”

What addictions?

“Well, the weed for one, the internet, food and drink, Barton Springs, all these take money you fool!”

If I am in good company, that will take care of itself, it must, because I must go on. I don’t much feel like going on sometimes, and sometimes I just wish I could snap my fingers and be oblivious, and fade into dark. But I can’t and I won’t and I wouldn’t because…

“You must go on.”

you are telling me I must go on. That is why.

“Of course.”

Wait, aren’t we talking to our self?

“Yes.”

Then how do we both exist?

“We don’t.”

Oh my GOD! Then, what are we?

“Voices. Vanishing voices that crawl through his thoughts.”

But he is me! I am him, this is me talking!

“You are only a voice, a vanishing voice crawling through his thoughts.”

That simply can’t be.

“Then where are you?”

I am, here, all around me, I can see it, the lights and the colors.

“But do you make a sound anywhere else besides his mind?”

Besides this page, a loose translation of course, no, I don’t make any sounds. But tell me, why do I dip and hold my head in my hands if I am just a vanishing voice? Why do I react so? And these fingertips, why are they so busy pushing buttons? This is it, the proof, that I am him and he is me!

“But what have you done? In all this time, what have you done? You are a voice, a mere vanishing voice, that will die out and burrow with your memories.”

Oh… my… I believe you are right… quite convincing…

Author's Note

Me venting, unedited, it just came out, like Kerouac, who I just read so maybe that's what inspired me to post this. I haven't done just random off-the-top-of-my-head writing in some time, but tonight this headache is killing me and I can't think too clearly! It's me speaking to me, of course. Is it a story or a play?

Reviews

[Alexzan Marie]

You vent beautifully. I find it difficult to vent without every other word being obscenity and impossible to understand...And you vent logically and sensibly and artfully. Very entertaining, very deep and it's like having a personal view into your mind, your headaches. Great vent=)

Thanks again for your kind comments =)

[Carl Taylor]

I really liked it, though I got a tiny bit lost for about a sentence, nothing big. I like it more as a story, but I do not like plays anyway. Maybe more expanding on the dialog, explore more topics. That is all I see to add in this good piece.

[Corey Givin]

funny you mention kerouac, your style is much like his. i actually love random fast writing that just comes out with no reason or true meaning. it was a good rant, though also a good story. don't be afraid to write nonsense because sometimes it makes for a great read.

-cg

[Raef C. Boylan]

I relate sincerely to the chaotic conversations that take place within our minds; to the confusion re: who we are if that is me and that is me...arrrghh.
I loved the style you wrote this in; the rapid fluidity was a great imitation of frenzied thought and inner dialogue. You managed to distinguish between the voices the whole time too, using just an absence of speech marks. I wasn't confused at any point. Well done. Seriously.
Not that it would have mattered, as they're both you...arrgh, that way madness lies.
There's a hint of social commentary here too...or at least a persepctive on contemporary culture, which increases the realism, as we all make observations about the world and our surroundings in our heads, all the time.

"All my friends get together with alcohol, but I don't understand its appeal, so I don't understand my friends. Should I get new ones?" - I liked the abruptness of some of your statements throughout, this being an example. Our heads don't really have time for pauses.

Overall, a great write.
Strong and entertaining...although not to live through. Since we're all human, however, we should take it for granted that we've all experienced similar things, so it's ok if we think this is a fun read.

[thecoolone52]

yea it was alright....... i can see how you had a long day... i got confused at parts until the end helped me out..... anyway tubular write

[Kasey Klein]

I think it's a fun piece, Travis. Brings Godot to mind.

You know literature better than I, but when I see ALL CAPS for emphasis, I cringe. I won't bother listing the mechanic errors, since you say you've not edited.

I will point out, this article, for the most part, is a great example of how dialog should be written. You don't weight the reader down with a mess of he said's and adjectives explaining how things are said.