Sweet Berry Smoothie

An ode to my favorite smoothie, blended strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and orange juice... hmmmm

sweet berry

s  m  o  o  t  h  i  e

 

strawberry smooth

refreshed tinges of

 

sweeter raspberry orange juice

tingles

 

thick saliva

seeped like stale syrup

 

dripping through teeth

like kissing

 

my mouth was tasting like stale cigarettes

ashes until

 

blend and seeds

dead before birth

 

so sweet and

s  m  o  o  t  h

 

smother my strewn senses!

Author's Note

Was looking for inspiration today, and found it in a blender. What do you think of the spacing, line breaks, rhythm, etc?

Thank you everyone for the reviews! I revised it so the whole cigarette thing is clearer, I was trying to say that my mouth tasted that way BEFORE the smoothie :-)

Reviews

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Whoa the imagery in this was so intense you could very literally taste it =)~! This one truly succeeded in achieving one of the fundamental goals of poetry. You took a common act that is so often taken for granted and turned it into a larger than life experience. :) I doubt I will ever drink a smoothie without remembering this!

[No One Important]

I can almost taste it man!!! The breaks make it like you are drinking one whilst writing it...I appreciate it all the more because of them...

[Alexzan Marie]

the spacing and breaks are great, they really accentuate the fact that it is so yummy... It feels summer-y and cool and it really makes me want strawberries...and maybe a cigarette... Awesome write, as usual =)

I am glad you liked my sordid piece...it started out as a half of a verse on my fridge with magnetic poetry.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

the cigarette part was gross :P :P

but other than THAT, i really liked the way you spaced it and the rhythm of the piece.

"strawberry smooth
my refreshed tinges"
i dont understand that at all, though - my refreshed tinges? doesnt make any sense to me.... lol

now i'm thirsty :) for a morning glory smoothie from jamba juice :)

[Erin Phoenix]

It got me a bit hungry... ha

It was cute.

I enjoyed it very much.

I'm happy that you met inspiration ... even in a blender.

:)

[Shadows of Sight]

I think the spacing and line breaks were fine. The rythem worked to! I really liked the imagery and the theme! I remember have mom blend up things like that as i was a kid! Such a great walk through memory lane! you should try it with bananas in there to! Makes it extra creamy! :)
Great Write! :)