Sweet Berry Smoothie

An ode to my favorite smoothie, blended strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and orange juice... hmmmm

sweet berry

s  m  o  o  t  h  i  e

 

strawberry smooth

refreshed tinges of

 

sweeter raspberry orange juice

tingles

 

thick saliva

seeped like stale syrup

 

dripping through teeth

like kissing

 

my mouth was tasting like stale cigarettes

ashes until

 

blend and seeds

dead before birth

 

so sweet and

s  m  o  o  t  h

 

smother my strewn senses!

Author's Note

Was looking for inspiration today, and found it in a blender. What do you think of the spacing, line breaks, rhythm, etc?

Thank you everyone for the reviews! I revised it so the whole cigarette thing is clearer, I was trying to say that my mouth tasted that way BEFORE the smoothie :-)

Reviews

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Whoa the imagery in this was so intense you could very literally taste it =)~! This one truly succeeded in achieving one of the fundamental goals of poetry. You took a common act that is so often taken for granted and turned it into a larger than life experience. :) I doubt I will ever drink a smoothie without remembering this!

[shandi]

Im not a great reviewer, but I will say that I liked everything about this poem. Everything! Makes me wanna go have a smoke and a smoothie right now!

[Carl Taylor]

I liked it, I really remembered and felt a smoothie. I love smoothies, you made me hungry. It was light but good, good job

haha, in some ways I'm vaguely amused by this, but in others it makes you pull that expression that just seems to say: ewwwwwwwwieeeeee. The way you've put spaces inbetween al the letters on S M O O T H kinda exentuates the word without actually having to say: smoooothhhhh. Which to be honest just doesn't look attractive. :) We all get our inspiration in strange places :) xx well done :) xx

[Vince]

can't go wrong with fruit, I say! I would've done without the exclamation mark, personally, or better yet, give it its own line since this is so light and free of a piece anyway. very playful in some senses. saliva like stale syrup...that's so true. great imagery there indeed

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

Very...Interesting. I haven't read anything quite like this before. It's very creative. The cigarette thing was clear but the line:
"my mouth was tasting like stale cigarettes
ashes until"
seems to break off at cigarettes and then continues with ashes. It doesn't really well and I think if you just rid the line of ashes and just left it as stale cigarettes it would be fine.

Other then that, I think it was pretty good.

[thecoolone52]

one thing i wana say... Ode to cigarettes...... ok im done.... i liked the imagery you "blend" into the poem its a smooth style i mean your describing a object so it doesnt really have a story... but some poems can carry on without stories.... the cigarette line kinda gave you its a too good to be true kinda reality check..... Tubular write.... are you gona write a story any time soon???

[Emily B]

Inspiration comes in the oddest places, doesn't it? It works and works well.

[J.P.O.et]

You like this drink right, cause
'Tasting like stale cigarettes ashes' is bad
and I know because, well some jackass dropped his
butt in a perfectly good bottle of J.D. and well I digress
Just a fun one for you anyway, right
J.P.O.et

[Sandra K]

I LIKE IT! I love strawberry smoothies! Jamba Juice is one of my favoret place to get smothie.

Its really cute. I wrote a poem about strawberries, in the 8th grade, but i have not founded it in my forest of papers. Ha Ha!

Sandra K