Empty Nest

Someone I met relatively recently who left a strong impression...

since January she made a snug nest

                with sentence fragment sticks

                from her life tree

 

                and made them cozy

in curled up sleep and dreams

                I hide under a walnut shell

 

                fallen in from a branch below

                to lie in her warm impression

she perches and sings

 

                and singes my edges

                my seams alive and stretching

                memory and photos

 

synthesized into the longer letters

                that lit the cracks

                and let her light

 

                breeze coil my memory 

awake in cold wind

                an absence unlike

 

                when I was unaware

                of the empty nest

she was to make for me

 

                a hatched axis

                we crossed

                since January

Author's Note

I want you to read this three ways, first, with breaks every three lines, second, with breaks every four lines (hence the indentions), and only the non-indented lines.

Reviews

[KayOss]

Oh fun... I love poems that can be read more than one way. Each way you read it yields a slightly different message. Here, each reading felt like I was reading a new poem, but it was all one. It was all connected. I think I read it a couple of other ways besides, but I think that's okay too. Don't shoot me; I couldn't help it. This poem merits more than one reading.

I love this part:

since January she made a snug nest

with sentence fragment sticks

from her life tree

In each of my readings, I just got so much enjoyment from those lines. I think using "sentence fragment sticks" -and even the creation of them - struck me on some level deep inside. I love playing with language and the creation involved therein. You offer the reader a chance to play with the poem by reading them in different ways. I also like that you populated this poem with a life tree.

Perhaps a bit odd, but I do pick up a slight sense of foreboding within the poem. I am not sure it was intentional, but it adds quite a bit to the poem and is very nice. It cues the reader to be on the lookout for something. This is another hook... a device to pull the reader into the poem (though I must say that I was already hooked). Very well done.

[Vince]

I get the best idea of the poem by reading the entire thing, but that's just me. Though there is a bit of meaning that still seeps through by reading just some of the lines. The simplification helps after knowing about the piece in its entirety. Not many people or animals make EMPTY nests. That's a powerful image in itself..

[Adam Jordan Turner]

I really like this one, there are so many things I want to say about it but can't without sounded pretty dumb...so I'm just gonna say, once again, you're an awesome writer....and if that's not once again, I'm saying it now. And it goes double! Good job, I'm off to read more of your work!

[April Child]

Travis this is a beauty, any and every way you read it. I think I like the breaks every four lines best although the descriptions are just wonderful in themselves and by themselves.

in curled up sleep and dreams
I hide under a walnut shell

fallen in from a branch below
to lie in her warm impression

[Kelly Scheppers]

Travis, your writing has such a distinctive quality to it, and judging from the comments made, you continue to impress and inspire....well, at least for this poet, anyway!

My best,
Kelly

[Alexzan Marie]

Okay.. Wow. It's like three brilliant, imagery filled poems in one. It feels light and airy but seems to have a dark undertow, which makes it even more brilliant. I love it all but I think my favourite of the three is the non-indented lines.. You have such a wonderful mind, I greatly admire your talent..

[J.P. Bristow]

seriously this goes into my favorites...as I was reading this I was listening to Lacuna Coil .....and it fit so well. You are a breath of fresh air....I haven't commented on a lot on the cafe.. I am not big on tearing apart people's work-or praising too highly unless I believe in it....so I read...if I feel it deserves comment I make one....I am not an editor and while people want constructive feedback I really believe if you don't believe its got legs why post it? Great write.

[poddar kushal]

the poetry is always new with every read. i have read it twice so far and i am amused to find it quite interesting. in a way you can call the poem is on the mind in the process of delevering a powtry. of course you have power over forms and words. and, have i not told you that it is a great poetry?

[Erin Phoenix]

I like how it was written. It made me read and understand it better.

:)

I did read it in the three ways- I really like it! I can't believe you can write something that beauitful that smoothly flows in different ways of reading it! I'm really impressed :) You obviously pay alot of attention to detail- a characteristic that I believe makes the difference between a good poet and a great poet :) Well Done :) xx

[J.P.O.et]

Very well thought out, I love this
The non-indented lines make like a poem inside a poem
The imagery used here is so perfect, the bird building it's 'empty' nest
'with sentence fragment sticks
from her life tree'
Awesome stuff Travis, going in my lib
J.P.O.et