Water Falls

The title says a lot

Misty rain drops

stopped as they

slowed down, time

released as mid-air

freezes.

 

Glued to the black space

they occupy all time

cohesive, broken

into thick strips

of brown hair,

green eyes, thin skin

and cold pale lips

that drip from the misty blue drops

like rain.

 

Further I wetly walk

forward and soak

into frozen films

freezing in time,

growing rain drops

on my nose’s peak,

cheeks and eye lashes

to collect condensation

too cold to drip

 

motionless

ice water down a tender throat

like blue blood

through an air-soaked

heart rate,

relieving

 

time thaws

a leaky faucet

dripping in my throat

as I walk forward,

the misty rain

drops.

Author's Note

This came to me a few days ago when I walked to my car in drizzle, but I decided to write most of it tonight. I may revise, I may not...

Reviews

[KayOss]

This is positively splendid. I loved reading this. The imagery here was wonderful; it was quite easy for me to picture this. In fact, the images sprang into my mind unbidden. They were lovely images. It's a fresh topic, too. Many people write about love or hurt. It's refreshing to see something a little different. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Oh, and you can revise if you see the need, but I've enjoyed this as it is now.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Amazing, the effect a little drizzle can have on you! It's perfect, Travis. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A beautiful write indeed. Vivid and descriptive imagery - nicely done. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Kasey Klein]

Hey Travis.

I did say I wasn't one much for poetry. . .

"Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes"

I do like the way you capture this mundane moment. I enjoy poetry about nonsense and the little things. If I have to suffer though one more poem about death or how unfair life is, I'm going to gouge my eyes out.

Given this forum, allow me to congratulate you on spelling a lot as two words. Well done, well done, indeed.

I love "wetly walk." That's good stuff. Few people can bend English well.

To repeat: I did say I wasn't one much for poetry. . .

I ponder over the line breaks. Not having the benefit of a formal education, there's much in the mechanics, the choices, I don't understand.

I do get beat and rhythm.

Further I wetly walk (and break)
forward and soak (and break)
into frozen films (and break)
freezing in time, (and break)
growing rain drops (and break)
on my nose's peak, (and break)
cheeks and eye lashes (and break)
to collect condensation (and break)
too cold to drip (and break)

These all punch a thought.

Now, this, I don't get

Misty rain drops (and break -- I get this)
stopped as they (this, I don't)*
slowed down, time
released as mid-air
freezes.

I'm sure there's something in the annals of poetry, which explains why it makes sense to break a thought in the middle, but I don't get it. Which is not to say it's wrong, or bad; there's much about poetry I generally don't understand. Some poetry I've seen, I wonder why it's broken in lines at all, and not formated as prose.

I do get as the poet, you can pretty much do as you wish. And, I'm not saying it bad or wrong; I simply don't understand why we'd break a thought in the middle.

[April Child]

Well thanks for that, I felt like I was soaked through the whole time I was reading this one, not just wet but cold and wet brrrrrr, nice job.

[Alicia Isabella Lane]

Wow such powerful imagery. Subtly intense!!! I love how it ebs and flows. Well done!!!

[Erin Phoenix]

I felt like I was there...

Crazy... Good job...

[Lyra H]

Its really good!